Would You Go Back To Him??  

methodman1000 39M
1739 posts
6/30/2006 1:42 am

Last Read:
9/21/2006 8:45 am

Would You Go Back To Him??

Got this in my mail from a friend and wanted to share it with you all so i know what response to give her.....

My husband cheated on me,I moved out 10 months ago because of this. After I moved out I found out that the girl he cheated with is pregnant, she got pregnant after I moved out,not that that makes it ok.I still love him but swore I would not go back to him,cheating is bad enough but knowing that he has a kid coming is horrible. The thing is though is that I do still love him and he still love me and wants to work on things. He does not see this girl any more but I still stand my ground. Now this twist is what hurts the most. Our 8 yr old son crys all the time because he misses his dad and wants to go home. We live in a small apt and our son wants to go back to "his" house and "his" daddy. It breaks my heart. Like I said I do still love him and want my family together, buuutttttt. So should I swallow my pride for my son or stick it out and move on? This is so much harder then I thought it would be. Do I do go back to make my son happy? He is having such a hard time with this and is not doing well.

SecretEarNoTears 47F  
766 posts
6/30/2006 2:09 am

Tell her to never swallow her pride...it will only get worse. They need counseling. Espcially the boy. Children are resiliant though...even if they need help! Good luck!

LoyalOximeShred 41F

6/30/2006 2:14 am

Yikes! It seems as though your friend's got her hands full there. I would definitely advise her to write a list of pros and cons about the situation. Judging from the snippet she wrote, it seems like she's got her mind made up already. Trust is a big issue and if she made it a point to leave him because he cheated, then there is no reason for her to go back.

My $.02 at 5am


When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
-John Ruskin

freetime648 52F

6/30/2006 3:37 am

If she still loves the man...then try it again...but slowly....tell her to not move back in with him but take things slow....he has to earn her trust and respect back and THAT takes time....as for her son....is his father active enough in his life right now. If not...he better learn to be. She should not give up her dignity and pride ...but at the same time if she can forgive him then go slow....

xx FREETIME648 xx

want2play926 45F

6/30/2006 7:38 am

I would not take him back. Now with another child on the way. I just could not handle that.

looking4fun_604 50F
67 posts
6/30/2006 4:41 pm

nonono!! NEVER EVER go back in life!! Forward is the only path you can follow. Her son will adjust...and so will she. I wish her luck & happiness...

OboesHonedIambs 62F

6/30/2006 11:25 pm

I don't know actually what advice to give. I have an American cultural bias that is liberal; but I think divorce is too easy. It's easy to say, "No, never swallow your pride." It's even harder to recommit in the face of an intimate betrayal like that. Now, if your friend is also in Africa which I believe your blog says you're at, then there are likely some significant cultural differences to the point my advice could be totally wrong.

They say separately that they still love one another. That's good, but what is the foundation of their relationship built on? Do both understand if he comes back, it's going to be a whole new relationship and that some of the old rules and behaviours have to change? Are they willing to go the distance? People can mature into a marriage after a challenge like this and thrive on all levels, but it takes desire, a spirit of forgiveness (or a desire to become willing to forgive), and improved self understanding.

If he's a total cad or she gives open consideration to the idea of a revenge affair, then they're not ready for any reconcilliation that's worth investing in.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

methodman1000 39M
1775 posts
7/1/2006 3:12 am

thank you all for your advices.....

action819 37F

7/1/2006 7:03 pm

If she goes back it will only be worst for her as well as for the child. There will be be constant arguing even when it's trivial because sub-conciously all she will ever see him as is the man who cheated on her and also had a child. Although children are sensitive they can also be spoken to.So,tell her to explain to her son why she cannot live with his father but she should also allow his father contact because after all he's his father already.

NSAAddict 42F

7/9/2006 10:18 am

That's a difficult situation but if I were in her shoes, I'd never go back to him. The trust is broken and I don't know that it can ever be repaired I stopped by to let you know we've included you in our line-up of [post 417803], hope you don't mind that we put you on the payroll of the HOTTEST brothel in Blogland [post 418579]

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
7/9/2006 1:51 pm

This may be a non-issue now, since you made this post a while ago and have probably already talked with your friend.

Even though this may be late feedback, I have to say I agree with abqlady2 and freetime648. I hate to see a broken family, but just going back together is the small decision. The big decision that needs to be made first is if they are both willing to work at it.

This post doesn't tell a lot about their history or anything else other than an overview of recent events. So, all I can really offer is that it seems they need to do a lot of constructive communicating and decide to move forward or not based on that.

Best wishes to your friend. And you're a very good and thoughtful friend trying to get feedback in order to give your friend sound advice. Very nice sweetie.

Hugs and kisses - Whisper...

tight_n_tasty2 50F

8/31/2006 11:48 am

I'm late reading this blog so I wanted to know if she went back?....I won't once a cheater always a cheater ~~ it's best for the kids if she left so they can be around a real man who is dedicated to his relationships and his family

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