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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag...""Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" " Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay
After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress and said quietly, "Miss, y'sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y' to give me a piece of ass?"
"That's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not?
You're nice lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?"
When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"
"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure do 'preciate what y' just did for me; it was real sweet and raht neighbourly, but where
ah come from in Nawth Carolina we lack our bourbon assy cold, so ah still need to trouble y' for that piece uh ass fo' mah drink.
2/13/2006 11:11 am
These were great. Thanks.|
Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
2/13/2006 11:38 pm
OHhhh.. I so needed this! Thank you! |
2/14/2006 5:51 am
Woohoo! Thank you! |