|Blogs > mesameli > Meli's musings|
They used to be events that were looked at as exciting for everyone involved; including myself, who was left with preparing the meals, planning and getting everything together, cleaning etc. I knew it was going to be a time when my family would be together and enjoy some R&R. So I put my whole heart into them, watched as my family had a good time, and went to bed knowing I had again accomplished yet another holiday memory for them to remember throughout their lifetime.
Now however my family lives miles apart, the deaths of 2 members 13 yrs ago, make celebrating these rituals hard to do. As time goes on the days are like any other day. Trying to make memories when they would rather just do their own things seems pointless. Sure I tried hard to keep the traditions we had before the accident, but now that they are grown, with lives/families of their own, I have found that it is much easier to just, let them be and not make big deals out of the "used to be's". Life truly does go on, and so must I.
So now that I have learned that and accepted it, what do I do? Or what did I do? I went for a drive to a little shady picnic area near the Salt River and watched nature. I thought about how far I have come in my 51 years, What I have done and would like to do. I said some prayers for those who have passed on and for those who are serving our country now in other lands far away from home. My son being one of them. He's 23 years old and has led a very rough life. For the longest time I thought he'd never emotionally grow up,especially after watching his father and brother drown when he was 10, but alas the army and this mission to Iraq has done wonders for him. He has taken responsibility by the horns and is now the adult all parents envision their kids to be. I feel he has lost some of what I held so dear in him, but I trust that he will be able to balance everything once he comes home and gets back into civilian life again. I know he will be able to handle most of what life will throw at him alot better than he had done before. I also thought about what I want to be doing in the next few years. I'know what I'd like to be doing, but so far that isn't showing any signs of coming to past. So what I will do is plan a few things and then just let life happen. I have always enjoyed that...Life is so full of possibilities...and I look forward to each day with the hope that another one will be right behind it. I will let it take me where it leads me and if no one likes it too bad, it's my life and as long as I don't step on any toes or hurt anyone, I feel I can do as I want and when I look back I can say I did it my way...isn't that important? Why live your life the way someone else thinks you should live it? If I never become someone famous who cares? As long as I loved deeply, helped others, obeyed the laws, and never get in anyones way I think I have done my part in helping keep this world going.
Well I need to get going...enough of this deep thought. Time to get busy and live a little!
Til next time...C YA!
5/31/2006 11:44 am
I'm unable to write to you, I guess I don't mardh your cupid settings. But I would like to know you better, so if you write to me I think that will do the job. If not, and you have the time, lift the prohibition on someone like me writing (lol) and send me a wink.