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My quest on finding true love...
My quest on finding true love...
I've only had a few past lovers... 3 to be exact.
The first one I had was with a guy that I was with for about a year. He was considered my first love and I so desperately wanted it to work out.. but sadly, he didnt match my work. After years of working things out with him, I let it go. It kills me. Then the second one came along, and he was perfect in every way. He listens, understands and genuinely loves me. He wasn't the type I would usually go for but over the years hes reassured me of his love. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I fell for him too. But being that I wasnt over my first ex, I was real hesitant to love again. He is the most patient man I know, Ive finally said yes to him. Then this random thing happened, the third person who I met and really fell in love with. I had great chemistry with this guy, it was inspirational for me, and I had to go for it. So I had a talk with Guy 2 and told him about the way I felt. Soon after I tried my luck with Guy 3, cause I truly genuinely had feelings for this guy. After about a month and half of us together, the flame kinda died down. Couple of months later when we saw each other, it ignited again, and I foolishly said yes. It didnt work out because Guy 2 was in the way which was hard so at this point I thought maybe this just isnt meant to be. Almost a year has passed after that, I havent seen Guy 3 in awhile, I was with Guy 2 (sorry for the confusing time period) and things were going good with Guy 2. Then the inevitable happened, what suppose to be just friends spending time together (cause I was having a stressful time with something and needed a good friend, so I seeked for him), the fire came back again as if it never left us in the first place; chemistry was always there. So Im thinking, how unbelievable my feelings are for this guy, crazy! what in the world am I going to do? And so, I left guy 2, can you blame me for going after genuine feeling of love-- Im hopeless.. without the romantic.. lol. Theres just something about this guy that keeps me coming back. Anyway, we spent couple days together to see if we should start something again, he wanted it, and I left Guy 2 to be with guy 3 because I wanted it to work. This time, as everyone whos been an on & off relationship, have feelings of hurt and fear which Im sure the other person too felt as well. We tried communicating but were so different. After awhile it seemed like we were back to our past dilemmas. It seems like the only we had were the feelings. Hes more logical, everything needs to make sense, most at least to him. And my focus is more on my emotions cause I believe in what I feel. I left, again. I felt like Im never going to be good enough for him and thats what hurts the most for me. I want it to work-- but how? i feel like I can settle down with this guy if only we can find a way to make it work. But its not like hes coming after me, as Ive felt like Ive done this whole time. If by the third time, he doesnt make you feel like its right, you just let it be. Youve tried your best, you tried to make it work, you jumped even when there were risks involved, what else could you have done. Whats meant to be at then end will eventually happen. I miss him.
Thanks for reading.