Remembering  

mebanecpl4chat 61M/61F
7 posts
10/22/2005 6:47 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Remembering


Sitting here thinking about "the old days". Of course they don't seem so old to me. Harkening back to a time when I first became engaged with life. And with most males that was with my first car. She was a '67 Mercury Cougar. It had a 289 and 3 speed Hurst shift. I could do 45 in 1st gear without winding out. Needless to say I drove it like a maniac and it's a miracle I didn't kill myself or someone else. I remember cruising downtown on Saturday nights. Just one big loop. Can't do that now as that downtown has been turned into a pedestrian mall. And thinking fondly of the first car brings back the memories of the first real love of a woman. As naive then as I am now I had no idea she had been eyeing me. When we first met we both rode the bus to school, a 30 minute trip. To and from I kept my nose buried in a book as being the only male with long hair (on my shoulders) made me a little conspicuous. For whatever reason I intrigued her and it didn't take her long to stike up a conversation. Once I had my license I began driving myself to school and since she was on my way she naturally got a ride. I'll admit I enjoyed her company but never thought of her romantically. She had a "steady" and I didn't hanker to intrude. After the school year ended she asked me to tutor her in math over the summmer. I agreed and made regular trips to her house. After numerous visits I noticed she was always sunbathing when I arrived and didn't seem to really have an interest in the calculus. Being the straight shooter I was I told her we could just skip the classes and I'd see her next year. As the summer progressed she constantly set me up on dates with her friends. They were fun but I wasn't into getting serious with anybody - just looking forward to finishing high school and getting into college. Time went by. I don't remember exactly when I realized I was attracted to her but it happened and there I was. One thing led to another and before we knew it we were spending every free moment we had together. She had told me she was having a sexual relationship with her boyfriend and while I sure would have enjoyed one with her for some reason I held back. Then came the day she told me she had told him she didn't want to have sex with him any more. Alarm bells should have gone off but I was "innocent" and took it to mean she didn't want to have sex period. Before I knew it she was calling me to come over any time she was alone even if it was early morning. I remember one Sunday morning I got the call so I grabbed a shower and headed over before going to work. It was cold and I arrived shivering. She did manage to warm me up. I was still ignorant of the ways of a woman and though there was a lot of action never once did I attempt to remove clothing or even touch her in a purely sexual way. When I apologized for my cold hands she took them and placed them between her thighs and told me she knew exactly how to warm them up. I'll admit it did a wonderful job. I then remembered her comment that she had told someone else no more sex so I refrained myself ( Sir Galahad even then). We continued like this for some time when one day she showed me an engagement ring. My heart didn't just fall to my feet it fled my body. I became remote and wasn't sure what to do. Eventually we talked and she asked why. I told her I had always been uncomfortable seeing her secretly and with the ring I just didn't feel we could continue. We stopped the relationship for awhile but one day she told me she had finally told the other she didn't want the ring and admitted to our seeing each other. She asked if we could pick up again and I agreed. I enjoyed her and looked forward to our time. After a few months of seeing both of us openly she came to me one day and told me she was going back to her boyfriend. I was crushed. Especially when she told me the reason. She didn't love him more. In fact her feelings for me were deeper but she felt he needed her more. Here I was losing the first love of my heart and it was because I was steadier. As I was leaving she said she had one more question. Why hadn't I ever made love to her? I smiled and told her it was because she had told me some time before about telling him she no longer wanted sex and I took that to mean me too. A gentleman didn't press such things with a lady and to me she was everything. I just assumed she would let me know when she was ready. She just shook her head and replied she had been giving me every signal she knew that I was the one she wanted. With that we parted and though we lived very close to each other we never saw each other again. I did run into her brother a few years later. We talked and he told me she had married hm and they had left town (I had eventually gone to Florida seeking solace in the bottle and looking for an end which I nearly found but that's another story). He told me her husnabd treated her horribly but she was trying to make it work. The hint was there if he could pass on where I was now but I declined. I still felt for her but I had moved on. I've tried to locate her recently. I would like to know how her life turned out and maybe have a few laughs over the old times. So far I've had no luck. Maybe someday we'll meet again. Damn I miss that car.

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