I'm sorry - Why are we on AFF...?  

mcsusieg 49F
149 posts
8/10/2005 12:26 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I'm sorry - Why are we on AFF...?

Sorry - <blushing, wrinkling nose> I do not like being wrong!!! But who does…Sometimes dealing inappropriately with people…I have something to say and it comes out wrong…. Attacking and labeling is NEVER a way to express something ‒ I may not know YOU, but you know ME, well enough to know this is not my general style of communicating. I am sure you expect the apology and the promise to do better, you know me well enough, to know I will (apologies) …AND I mean it.

Do women on AdultFriendFinder ‒ do women use sex…or the possibility of it… for attention? Are the majority of women here looking for sex to get attention and men looking to get laid only? I dunno.

Waxing over the thought that Women use sex to get intimacy (certainly my experience), and men use intimacy to get sex…? I snapped and attacked.

This is an odd site… I have kinda waddled through the last 4 months assuming it was where Swinging minded (swinging defined as multiple sexual partners or swapping spouses for sex) people came together…for dating, screwing, socializing and supporting..?

And you (all of the YOU'S in BLOG land)? I would be interested to know… How did you get here, or why are you here, or what did you expect to find when you got here?

On a personal note, I find it amazingly frustrating to sort through the amount of mail I get from totally non compatible people (not at all flattering). And equally frustrating is sorting through my own prejudices and hang ups (or lack of) about sex and physical intimacy.

I love all the blogs, and blogging as a way to work through it with others.

rm_greeneyes684 54M
1 post
8/20/2005 8:19 pm

Well Susie, I'm here because I'm socially challenged. I relate very much to the character in "A Beautiful mind" I like to get feedback from someone I meet and take out on a date. But for some reason I rarely get that. I assume it's because no one really wants to let on that they are interested or like you. A little like the line from the Van Halen song. "She want to send a letter, but she knows what that will get her". So since I never feel like I get any feedback I usually feel lost. I don't want to spend time looking at a house and arranging financing, preparing to move if it's not for sale. I kind of like analagies if you didn't figure that out. The only time I ever really feel like I get any feedback is during sex. So I'm here to meet people that enjoy sex without having to make them laugh, or selling them some line. I rarely ever meet anyone at a bar or anywhere other than on line or a singles type of gathering.

I'm not here to fulfill fantasies, they have already been fulfilled at single friendly swinger clubs on the east coast. But I am here to enjoy hopefully enjoy the fantasies on a more frequent basis. But it's not really happening. From my point of view, most of the women on here seem to be using the site more like a conventional dating site. Looking for friends, someone who will wooo them, someone who talks a good line.

I think there are other women here who are what I'm looking for but they are overwelmed with dozens of emails. So it still comes down to someone who has the right lines and woos them that make sthe contacts.

And for you Susie, I would like to meet you on a more personal basis. You did put your arm around me at the LODOs M&G, but since I'd never met you, I didn't realize that it was you until later.

Another oportunity missed. Maybe I'll get another opportunity at the next M&G.

See ya, Steve

rm_vixenflir 58M
295 posts
8/12/2005 3:09 pm

All I'm sayin' is that everyone wants to feel desired and what better way for a woman to gain the feeling of being desired than by being on this site and advertising her sexuality, which in tern brings in the contacts = "Oh Yes - I'm desirable but they can't have me" (present company excluded of course!) I do believe and have met some woman that are truely looking for the same things we are. They are sexual beings who enjoy sex simply for the sake of sex. Their confidence negates their need to be desired because they are well aware that they are (your catagory). As for taking care of your needs.......well we should discuss this further. Catch me same name on the service that is very warm or on ya'll hell. (don't ya love havin' to code everything![lol])We can discuss the move there, but I will say I grew up in CO Spgs. and spent alot of years in estes and Ft.collins. Talk to you soon. Steve (ps-notice you don't have to ask twice!)

mcsusieg 49F
56 posts
8/12/2005 11:12 am

So I came here...I was on a traditional dating site for about 4 months ‒ had sex once…before that 2 ½ years with no physical contact with a mate…. I went to a local Swing club, several times and met a couple of nice people…got off…and came home hornier than hell. Once I remembered what sex with someone else could be like…I needed something a bit more. A couple kept telling me to try AdultFriendFinder. I could get all the good stuff of steady companionship and none of the “lets share bank account worries” (I really don’t want to look or think about such things, maybe in a couple of years ‒ get this Boy off to college).

Yes I am looking for a companion, preferable more than a couple of times, and preferably someone to hang out with, if there is a party with my family members, no worries and vice versa…great sex and great companionship. But lets leave all of the ookies stuff, as best we can, at the door…not that I am afraid to open up to someone or have them open up to me…I am just trying to be realistic …

So I had a new red outfit, a picture taken, and here we go...started in March.

I have met a couple of great friends, one perfect with passion and shared interest, and one with …well…it was like finding a buddy to goof with (yes we are intimate ‒ two sexual people… but that is secondary). I have a fair amount of “dates” and you know sometimes there just isn’t a click, or a compelling reason to meet again, and certainly not get naked. Yes I have emerging friendships ‒ we will see if they turn intimate and if any feel right for both of us.

NOTE - I may have lost my FwB as well Steve…Where are you moving too -

H ‒ you know…I haven’t heard a man say “ I came here for dating” …interesting…

Phang ‒ you came here to fulfill fantasy’s right? I mean not even for a FwB … ? And you are! I mean fulfilling them. Some of your frustration, I am sure, is how much you intrigue us (women in general) yet how raw your sexual desires are…I am sure there are a ton of women interested …and then they get scarred away.

Dave ‒ Well in response to you and women wanting LTR ‒ guess what ‒ tons, and tons, of men on here have hang ups about sexually active women. Example ‒ “oh you meet lots of the men who contact you…so you sleep with them all…so..” There is inherent judgment there ‒ read my blog - First of all, what if I screw every last man I meet…and second…what if I don’t…
I am HERE hoping to find like minded people…healthy attitudes about sex, and maybe a desire to build trust and try some new things with a partner. And yes I want traditional “dating” fun …NOT drama.

Ih8 ‒ every time i see you babe ‒ I wonder why you are here…hopefully you are growing with a good attitude towards sex -

Steve ‒ Well …would you say women in general find attention their main motivator for sex..? To have someone pay attention to them...? For in stance…I’m horny hoping someone will care for that need? And I may need a new FwB where are you moving to? Oh I already asked that.

I enjoy giving affection and receiving …kind companionship.

And late comer Bob ‒ would love to hear your stories and experiences!!!

Lovinlife1955 61M

8/12/2005 10:01 am

Blog Virgin....This is my first reply to a Blog and it appears that Suzie’s Blog has thoughtful articulate people on it, cool!. I got on AdultFriendFinder as a whim to see if I could meet real women with a strong libido and healthy attitude towards sex. As a fit and healthy 50 year old I am so past saying "I love you to get sex" lines so many women want to hear and so many men feel the need to say. I have been fortunate (subjective) to have many unique sexual experiences without using this type of site. Not because I am such a stud, mainly because I communicate well, am not shy about asking politely for what I want and just plain lucky. I have to say though that in my short period of time on AdultFriendFinder I have been disappointed in finding women who are as real as Suzie appears to be...If it was just about the sex a man can go to just about any bar and find that. Hey, this was nice an cathartic....I think I will use parts for my own Blog
Thanks for keeping it real,

rm_vixenflir 58M
295 posts
8/12/2005 7:04 am

Hey Susie - Great blog (as always!). How I got here (to the site), I don't even remember......was probably surfing or maybe the age thing is catching up again!(lol) It was ~ 4 months ago and I remember reading through a few profiles and thinking to myself "YES!! there are woman on here wanting no-strings sex for the sake of sex - I found the gate to heaven!" Three silver memberships later! This is what I have learned: 300 plus contacts sent out (nice, not the "do ya wanna fuck" kind)= about 15 responses. All but 1 of those were 1 time responses. When I wrote back there was no further response. The one that did give me a phone # was a hooker who quoted me prices when I called!!! (no I didn't!). Finally gave up and let the silver expire (again) then stumbled onto blogging and have had soooooo much more contact through blogs, with men/woman that it keeps up my interest whether I will ever meet any of them or not. I personally think that 1) woman get so many replies that they can't possibly pick out the 'good ones'. 2) Have at times suspected that some profiles are just computer generated to keep you spending money. 3)I think alot of woman DO use the site to get attention or to practice their sex talk using the possibility of sex and have no intention of ever meeting anyone. 4)I'm rambling again so will keep the rest of my thoughts about what goes on here for another time............The reason I keep coming back is explained well by ILikeNerds2 in her post 66713. I'm looking for something that is missing in my life. May or may not find it here, but giving up is not an option. You will find that not all men use intimacy to get sex, but want to find a balance of both. Be Good (NOT!) Steve

ih8usrnames 40M

8/12/2005 12:14 am

Actually, its rather unusual how I came to this site. I'd been on the site several months before coming onto it again for a second time. The first time I was looking for a sexual encounter/s and found it very frustrating (sausage sizzle!!!).

The second time, however, I was actually contemplating how having a woman in my life could improve me as a person (instead of improving myself to have a woman). I believed a relationship could a very positive thing for me and I only considered a monogamous committed relationship.

Now the question...why this site????

Well, while I was considering these things I had a Cupid email in my inbox. So I revisited the site and started to think all my little 'nasty' things again. But this time round I discovered the blogs before 'coming to my senses'. I blog because its a wonderful way to express stuff and learn about myself and others.

I've oscillated somewhat throughout the experience of AdultFriendFinder.

It's been worthwhile though

dave7589 47M  
10 posts
8/11/2005 4:10 pm

I don't think this website is just for swinger otherwise one of the options would not be Long Term Realationship. But women ought to pay attention to that when they fill out the profile. Almost every profile you read says discrete encounter, but half that say don't want them. I can understand using this site to find a LTR, if sexual compatablity is important to you.

phangasm2003 106M

8/10/2005 3:35 pm

I wonder about this too, sometimes I think people (usually women) have this place confused with a mainstream dating site. In general, the women I've actually met have pretty healthy attitudes about sex, but I think a lot of people come here not really understanding the reality of swinging. Hence, you get a lot of people who just want to exchange photos or cyber, but not actually interact with people in a real way.
For myself, I came here to find people to hook up with, plain and simple. I've wasted too much of my life on having desires unfulfilled because of my own inaction or timidity. I've just decided to be real and up-front about who I am and what I want, and let people do what they want with that. It's frustrating to filter through all of the BS and find the people who are also serious, but for those people who I've actually met, it's been very worthwhile.

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