"I Trust You, Do As You Want"  

mcsusieg 49F
149 posts
8/3/2005 12:08 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

"I Trust You, Do As You Want"


When you feel the skin of someone ‒ face to face ‒ lips almost touching my fingers on your face ‒ that is my time and touch for YOU. If I say…”I trust you…do as you want”…what physical pleasure we will gleam from these human forms… If I sit in church and meditate on God and I feel my heart enlarge with love and understanding ‒ so in bed, this moment with you...is the same growth.

When we set limits, when we search for new feelings and fun, and you do not protect me; when your concern turns to your own…we have a problem. In exploring new things in a physically charged environment (and often there is a degree of emotional entanglement), for whatever reason, the woman is more often the vulnerable one. Within this time, a mate, a gentleman mate, must take care to protect her. If he cares for his own needs and wants, if he abandons a woman in this place of experimentation, she is but experimenting on her own, and has lost her guard…He has betrayed that trust…as if, he had intentionally injured or attacked his woman.

Yes, I have offered my complete physical trust to two in my life, (I really just learned to do this in the last year) and ‒ well ‒ had wonderful experiences with one…there was not / is not love between us, not even depth of friendship, but great understanding. If we go into situation, and as a woman, I need to be sure I am safe, I have someone that will help me explore and never leave me for their needs or wants...or better, will not let pursuing their wants, threaten my physical, emotional or spiritual safety, will not violate that trust in ANY way. And the other person…well, unfortunately that journey does not go so smoothly. My trust … was received with no comment, but actions. I was asked to explore boundaries and fun, but found myself, with no guardian, with deception in intent, with emotional boundaries blown away to bits (forget the traditional word of “crossed,” these boundaries were absolutely NEVER adhered to). Many of us know, to discuss and talk before experimenting; we must assume that the conversations and limits will be honored, and if they are not…well…[words escape me]

I am easy to comply, physically; I give of myself as I want...physically…I am no pearl in an oyster. I learned, like learning to ride a bike, to separate who I am ‒ from my body. It is a survival mode from early in life….So for me, my safety and emotions ‒ being treated as I treat - are much more important than what is done to me physically.

I, as many, have been touched, molested, abused as a defenseless child ‒ a sexual plaything for a family member’s enjoyment. The statistics are staggering. It has been over 15 years of sexuality ‒ to be able to play and be vulnerable, and not to think about that time; when you are abandoned by your protectors, and they become your attackers …. Well…It is so difficult to realize all the ways that you are unable to communicate with the world because of these early experiences.

Offering physical trust, “I trust you, do as you want,” is an awesome power...and responsibility. If you violate that ‒ what then? Was it that - Trust meant nothing to you? - You do not see that you violated it? - Was a consequence of offering physical trust? (That sometimes, you are abandoned in the moment of experimentation?)

I am fortunate, I believe, to be able to enjoy my physical form, and intimate sexual encounters.

… there is no ending

mcsusieg 49F
56 posts
8/4/2005 7:07 am

Well dear, not sure about the word Love ‒ or why it was what came to mind….I will just say ‒ if you are sending me energy, thank you, but certainly Love and all the responsibility that goes with it ‒ are not necessary, nor was it a part of my story. Thanks for the thought!!!!

Susie


ih8usrnames 40M

8/3/2005 8:01 pm

A bit of a cryptic response but when I read your post it was the first thing that popped into my head.


ih8usrnames 40M

8/3/2005 7:59 pm

Love


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