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Mind over Matter??
Mind over Matter??
I was soaking in my bathtub last night after a long day at my brand new job (which i started last week, assistant manager in a retail clothing store) and reflecting on the day's happenings in general and i realized my senses were working overtime, I simply hate not being able to stop thinking, but it's usually out of my control. It amazes me how one thought can lead to a complete series of others in a "6 degrees of kevin bacon" kind of way.
I had a few tealights lit on the edge of the tub for ambiance, epsom salts and foamy bubbles and as I put a washcloth over my face and let calgon take me away, I became acutely aware of the sounds of the bubbles popping...the sound of my own breathing...the way my chest moves as i inhale/exhale.... and my subconscious just would not let me appreciate all of these wonderful sensations.
I began thinking about futile things.....how I needed to get to the grocery store to pick up some necessities, how much sed things would cost, what our monthly budget was, the fact that my daughter was going back to school in a week and i'd have to take her shopping soon, how much she's becoming a young woman right in front of my eyes, how much she resembles me, how my mother acted toward me at her age.......and on and on.....
here i was trying to relax my muscles and my mind, and it was stuck in some sort of thought loop, and no matter how i tried to push all thought out and focus on nothing but the feel of the warm water on my soft skin, the more trivial things penetrated my brain.
Ssometimes I wish I had an on/off switch when this starts happening....i could just press a button and all the little insignifigants of life that are not priorities of the exact moment i'm in would simply be cut off....
but i guess that's what distinguishes us from the animals in a way (although i'd hazard a guess that even wild animals are constantly thinking about things such as food, shelter, territorial threats) I envy that their smaller brain capacities are so utterly focused on essentials....
maybe i should be looking for books to read on self-hypnosis or something.....if for no other reason than to train my melon to shut the hell up!
anyway that's my little post for today, i'm sure your all thinking...............something!! lol
8/25/2006 8:57 pm
I am awake still here it is midnight thinking of all thats going on in my life also.. I wish I could just go to bed and close my eyes and go to sleep but I know as soon as I hit shut down on this machine that keeps me company< I will be wide awake why hubby snores in my ear and dreams peacefuly.|