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If anyone saw the recent front page story in "The Onion", you will know where the title of this post comes from.
The story (parody) was about scientists from the Evangelical Center for Faith-Based Reasoning refuting the theory of gravity with the Intelligent Falling theory, which basically asserts that things fall because God makes them fall. After all, scientists have been unable to really explain what causes the force of gravity, or to reconcile general relativity with quantum theory for decades now. In the mind of the faithful, this is an invitation to insert God into the equation...hehe.
It's very convenient for God that he chose to have all objects fall at the same speed, or he could really have his work cut out for him. Which brings to mind my brother-in-law's favorite riddle about divine omnipotence (or impotence?): Can God make an object so heavy that he can't lift it? Either a yes or a no challenges omnipotence...
Speaking of Gods and falling, I was looking in my collection of greek myths and noticed in "The Castration of Uranus" (I didn't make that up) that Tartarus, a "gloomy place in the Underworld", is so far from the earth it would take a falling anvil nine days to reach it's bottom! Now that's some real intelligent falling. And by the way, I'm quite certain it doesn't take anywhere near that long to reach my bottom...
I think I mentioned I don't like to talk about sex all that much, but I do like to talk about love a great deal. When it comes to LOVE, is it possible to Fall Intelligently? I wonder. Everytime I find myself available again, I think about all the good things and bad things of my former relationships, and try to formulate some new idea of what my perfect mate would be like. I resolve to not make the same mistakes, to not ignore warning signs, to not become involved with somone impulsively...and without fail I always end up doing exactly the opposite.
Intelligence may play a role in falling and in calculating how far is is to Uranus' dark underworld, and it may be involved in all manner of choices and scientific endeavors, but I think in love it may be that it really does have to come down to faith...they do say that God is love...tonight for example, in spite of all my thinking about mates and love I became inexplicably smitten by a bartender. I know almost nothing about her, but it took me about 5 minutes to start wondering if maybe she's the one. Tall and Irish, pale complected with eyes like a Renaissance Madonna, full of energy and charm, at once fiery and sparkly and soulful and tender....ahhhhh...real Irish eybrows, not plucked and penciled, very little makeup, naturally beautiful, and I asked myself if it was that subterranean force reaching back to the dawn of time, my DNA, calling out and urging me on. A good bit of Irish blood runs in my veins, and the rest of it is North Sea Viking. Whatever it is, a force inside took over, something akin to maternal instinct, yet with a fully male character, and I thought I might be looking into a mirror when I saw her face...hmmmm...what would Dr. Freud say? It often seems that the happiest couples kind of resemble one another, sort of like dog owners and their dogs....
And so, with all things taken into account, God MAY have applied some intelligence in designing things, and in making things fall (though I think probably not so), but it seems when it comes to falling in love he simply left intelligence out of the equation entirely and left it up to faith, instinct, impulse, and a host of other powerful forces beyond the reach of logical concept and linguistic expression. sigh.