take my advice, i'm not using it....  

magnumcpl_bigfun 52M/52F
4 posts
8/15/2006 10:27 pm

Last Read:
10/12/2006 10:00 pm

take my advice, i'm not using it....

lol - i love my title - i saw it once and it has become my motto. so, here is my deal -- 41, been married a few (ok, 2.5 times) times and have always fantasized about being in a committed relationship and playing w/others as a couple.

NOTE: if you really just want to know how i'm going to tie this into AdultFriendFinder, see bottom of blog.

soooooooooo, i have this WP (just in case you missed it "WP" equals "wonderful partner" that i adore and that has always wanted to play also. seems perfect. BUT NO - he was married to a woman w/ NO SEXUAL DRIVE AT ALL (my mind can't even conceive of such a thing)and then had another icky relationship, blah blah blah -- bottom line: he adores me, i'm the most comfortable person he's ever been with, he feels like i am the most compatible "partner" he's ever had, we have awesome AWESOME sex, we are intellectually, emotionally and physically stimulated by one another AND (you know what is coming, don't you....) he says he can't be in a committed relationship w/me because he feels like he needs to shop (this may not be an accurate account - and he can correct me if he reads this)


HERE'S MY ADVICE THAT I'M NOT FOLLOWING: saying you're "committed" really doesn't mean much - why do relationships have to be defined? no matter how committed you are, you could wake up one day, meet someone you are really into and fuck them anyway. isn't that reality for us all? the label is not what counts, actions count. so, in my case, even though WP has reiterated, ad nauseum, that he can't be in a "committed" relationship - the reality is that we're happy, we respect one another, we aren't dating others, we make plans for the future.....isn't that enough? stop feeling sorry for yourself bcs you don't have a "defined" relationship.

REJECTION OF MY OWN ADVICE: whatever.... my EGO would really like to hear any or all of the following words: "exclusive", "committed", "long-term", "significant other" -- why can't he just SAY THEM? and what they mean is a public expression that we are, in fact, more than two people who really like one another and have awesome AWESOME sex. its not like i am asking for an engagement ring for god's sake. there's more, but you know how it goes....

TIE IN TO AdultFriendFinder: because my ego is not satisfied with our (gasp)undefined relationship ....and because i may have a few trust issues that i'm carrying around (LO i am finding that i'm jealous in certain situations -- part of it is that we jumped into this w/out setting any boundaries for what was comfortable for either of us (bad idea) -- so we've now talked about some of it, but i'm still jealous when i feel like he is pursuing a woman (even though she is in a couple) a little too enthusiastically. (am leaving out very bad experience (VBE) details -- w/out going into them, suffice it to say that i felt humiliated, hurt, angry, etc. and got embarrassingly dramatic).

YOUR TURN: how do other couples handle this? i can't be the only person who has felt some jealousy in this lifestyle...can i? i don't want to be this way - it doesn't feel good. i don't want to push WP away. i don't want to stop playing bcs of my jealousy. help! SOS! we are going to our first (well, technically the VBE was our first group event) group "event" this weekend and i'm excited AND wigged out that i'll get all jealous and dramatic. please advise.


Hydragenias 56F

8/16/2006 3:27 am

Welcome to the Blogs! I'm sure you'll have a great time here, just beware of the drama! Please stop by hydragenias sometime and say Hi!

magnumcpl_bigfun replies on 8/16/2006 7:40 am:
thanks! you're my very first commenter on my very first blog entry -- yahoo! -- you'll go down in my record book (which i'll have to start keeping....)



FlamingoFun69 51M/51F
2 posts
8/16/2006 10:14 pm

Hey Magnum Couple,
You're WWWAAAyyy cute!!! As long as you can talk it out and never say hurtful things that you'll regret later, we think you've done the tough part!! For us, it's not about yourself. It's about making sure the SO is having fun and enjoying the experience. If one is into the fun but neglects to make sure the SO is having fun - you've got problems. The more you go out of your wey to make sure everyone is having a good time, the more it comes back. If you play with those types, we think you've found fun times and hopefully some long-lasting friends!! Just our thoughts!! We'd love to hear some others thoughts.
XOXOXOXO "Go with the flow - baby!!"
PS, Everyone runs into "Drama" eventually. At least it makes for fun stories. I'm sure your VBE is being turned into a Swinger screen play and will be sold to some studio for big bucks - guess you should beat them to the punch and make a screen play out of it yourself!!!

magnumcpl_bigfun 52M/52F

8/17/2006 12:27 am

flamingo fun -- i can't really concentrate on what you're writing me when those awesome breasts are staring at me BUT, thank you for the support and wise words. glad to hear that everyone runs into drama eventually -- i guess i just got some out at the front end of this adventure - you know, just get it out of the way - at least it stimulated some very useful conversations about how to go forward in a way that is comfortable for both of us, and a realization of how important our relationship really is to each of us. i will try my hardest to "go with the flow" from here on out....re: VBE, in my screenplay i will be much prettier and i'll have bigger boobs...i think it will sell....NOT.


rm_Bluerabbit7 51M/50F

9/26/2006 5:36 pm

I know how you feel. I love to play with other guys,but when Mr. Rabbit starts getting too much attention from the other females...I get a little jealous as well. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it to ,but not Share my cake. I'm a greedy little rabbit. I hope we are able to meet up with you guys for a happy hour or something. It would be great to talk to another couple in the lifestyle and share thoughts. We are in it for less that a year and communication with your partner is key!!!!!! Hope to talk to you soon.

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