Why Madkitten is a Stupid Bitch.  

madkitten 53F
433 posts
10/19/2005 1:49 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Why Madkitten is a Stupid Bitch.

As many of you know for some time I have been in touch with my first love, most of the time we just text or chat about life, kids etc, occasionally we will exchange sex texts and I will admit they can be very explicit, but it is only done in fun.

You will also remember I told my husband on our night out about being in touch with 1st love and he said he was alright about it, etc.

Well I made the stupid mistake of leaving some of the texts on my phone, my husband decided to confront me about these texts at 2am Sunday morning, normally my phone is always by my side, I don't leave it lying around, he found the texts about pineapple rings, and also that we were talking about meeting up, now the meeting up wasn't to have sex, it was to see each other after over 22 years and just chat, show photos of the kids etc as friends, though we had mentioned having sex in sainsburys when we meet up, the sex texts had just been a laugh, this was a guy that I had spent 3 years with and we had the sort of relationship that we could talk openly about sex.

He was going mad, he had a bag packed with knives and hammers and was going to drive the 200+ miles to confront 1st love, he was going to ring him many times through those early hours, he was going to show my phone to 1st loves wife, he threatened to me and make me do the things to him that where mentioned in the texts, he even took a knife to his own wrists.

I know I should of taken this opportunity to stand up for myself, but I was scared, not so much for me, but for 1st love and his family, I did manage to hide the car keys, but couldn't get the phone off him, though he had already made a note of 1st loves phone number anyway.

This all went on until 6am, when he finally let me go to sleep, by then I had agreed that I would text 1st love on Monday and tell him that we couldn't chat/text anymore or my husband would be driving up to kill him, to be honest I would of agreed to anything to stop him from going, in fact I think I did agree to everything he said in the end I was so tired.

Monday morning I did text 1st love telling him what I had been told to do, and he text me back that he would never be in contact with me again, I also know that my husband text him, though what he said I don't know, he only showed me the reply that was 1st love begging him to leave his wife and children alone. I have sent 1 text since that just said as long as I stay with husband he wont bother 1st love or his wife and family and that I'm so sorry.

I was going to try and type this out yesterday, but my mother in law rang to see how I was and all I could do was cry down the phone, I didn't tell her about the above, just made her promise not to tell my husband that I wasn't happy.

I'm devastated by the loss of this friendship, but I know it was my own stupid fault, I shouldn't of told him I was in touch with 1st love and I shouldn't of left the texts on my phone, and I'm really stuck in this marriage now, because if I try to end things again he will do something to 1st love and his family and I cant allow that.

I have deleted my photo and hidden my profile in case I make any more stupid mistakes.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
10/19/2005 3:31 am

OMG! How insecure is your husband? How could he even take a line about having sex in the middle of Sainsbury's seriously?

Your husband needs some serious help and I hope he gets it. As far as leaving him goes, you still can. There has to be an organization or two where you are that does rescues for women who need to get out. I know here, the National Organization for Women does it, complete with the cops there, so you can get packed and get someplace safe.

If you do leave, let 1st love and family know to get out for a few days. Also, alert the cops in 1st love's area that you're leaving a husband with a few problems and he thinks it's for this man and you've had to talk him out of driving there to kill this man and his family before. They should take it seriously.

rm_deaminveni 50M
116 posts
10/19/2005 3:41 am

MK I cannot possibly understand your situation as I have never been in anything like it myself, but it seems to me that you really need to get out of that relationship! It sounds very dangerous.

I can understand your husband being upset, but his reaction seems extreme to say the least. This sounds like a matter for the police, if you genuinely believe he may harm "1st love" or his family. (How on earth did he find out where "1st love" lived?)

I truly wish you all the best. My thoughts are with you.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/19/2005 10:21 am

My Kitty,

You are NOT stupid. Do you hear me? NOT stupid. We all make mistakes...that doesn't make a person stupid. You can't help but follow your heart. I'm so sorry things have turned out the way they have for you. It sucks. I honestly feel your pain. Why? Because I care about you so damn much. I knew something was wrong because you haven't been by to visit me. I was just thinking about emailing you this morning. Funny...I had an email waiting on me from someone else who adores you as much as I do. Yes, you have numerous friends here to lean on whether you realize it or not. I understand your need for turning off your profile and deleting your pic, but PLEASE don't disappear from here. PLEASE. I'm worried for your safety...I'm worried about you period. PLEASE keep this line of communication open.

Ditto exactly what MissAnn said...word for word. And remember, we're here for you.

A million hugs and much love and friendship sent to you - DT

five_speed 41M

10/19/2005 10:36 am


I agree with the others; you need to get away from this man, but now is not the time. He is dangerous, and you need to settle him down and make a plan. As MissAnn siad, there are agencies that can help you if you can muster your courage to contact them.

And you are certainly not a stupid bitch. We all make mistakes, darlin. I don't know the particulars of your situation, but I can tell you are not to blame for your husband's issues. It is not your fault. You have the strength to do what you must to ensure your own safety, the safety of your children, and the safety of your friend. You are not stupid. You need to do this. You can do this. Settle your mind, make a plan, and do what needs to be done.

caressmewell 53F

10/19/2005 2:07 pm

You are human and we all make mistakes but that does not make you a stupid bitch.

If you feel that you are unsafe then you need to contact any of the organizations that MissAnnThorpe mentioned or just go to the closest police station for assistance and have them contact the one near your 1st love so that the police there can keep watch over his place. You and your children do not have to live in fear.

dranba 39F

10/19/2005 2:07 pm

Your husband reminds me of someone in my past - and I feel so much for you.

I have found a website - http://AdultFriendFinder.com and their tel is: 0808 2000 247. The site describes how to hide the trial on you pc if that's a problem, but if you go through one of the popular searches a few times it doesn't trace well anyway.

digdug41 49M

10/19/2005 2:35 pm

hey you know I was seriuosly worried and went to e-mail you immediately to find your profile turned off and I just got an e-mail from another who was concerned about you has all of us are and I am in agreement with the others you rock that fucker to sleep let him think all is fine and you get away from him you hear me please I have been in jail here with a bunch of sick fucks who thought their wives were their property and you are far from stupid kitten you hang in there and do what needs to be done for your safety and your children and get away from this dude I happen to have love for all of my blogging family here and you are included I hope that this all gets resolved draw upon your inner strength and formulate a plan and everytime you think you cant remember that you can!your in my prayers

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/19/2005 2:47 pm

Perhaps if #1 went to the police with the text message and was willing to press charges you can effectively escape while present hubby is in jail. #1 definitely needs a restraining order and you need to end this relationship NOW. Almost all victims of violent crimes had warning. You have your warning so why wait for the act to occur? Then it's too late.

Or, of course, you can stick it out with present hubby...live in a closet, see no one, speak to no one, and live your remaining years as a prisoner. Without a dental plan. The choice is yours and you're running out of time.

[blog talldarkavg1]

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/19/2005 4:10 pm

dear kitten

You are not stupid. Your help and advice to me recently showed such insight, wisdom, intelligence and worldliness it actually meant I could work things through. For that I am deeply grateful.

It is always harder to see things from the inside. All the comments above are absolutely right. The police stance on domestic violence has changed hugely over recent years, well worth making discreet contact. The Citizens Advice Bureau will advise you about women's support groups.

You're in my thoughts, prayers and hopes for changes for the better.

warm xx

MisterPriapus 56M
6980 posts
10/19/2005 5:37 pm


First off, let me tell you how truly relieved I am to see your Post! I got word this morning from WarmAndSexy52 just as I was about to logoff, that some serious fecal matter had struck your rotary air oscillator, and immediately wrote to all the contacts I have for you.

Don't be so hard on yourself- anyone who could have such an impact on so many Amiable Strangers is neither Stupid, nor a Bitch. My advice to you, my sweet anguished friend, difficult as it may be, is to tell that negative voice to SHUT The HELL UP!!!

You can't retroactively second-guess yourself, so don't punish yourself for the inability to do something that noone can!

I'm gonna have to paraphrase what other's have said here, because it's all been sound advice: You're not stupid for leaving the texts on your telly- you're HUMAN, and Humans sometimes make mistakes, they suffer occasional lapses in judgment, in short, every once in a while we fuck up... It's all part and parcel of the learning curve everyone has to muddle through- you're not alone in that, or in this time of extreme stress. Please keep reminding yourself of that.

I know some of the problems you've suffered domestically, and your desire to have a satisfying life for yourself: away from the clinging, cloying relationship you've found yourself mired in, but feared making a clean breast of things with the H.

As someone always keen to understand my own underlying motivations, I must ask: Is it remotely possible that you told him about the Old Flame, and then left the texts for him to easily find, in order to precipitate the confrontation that you didn't feel that you could initiate on your own?

You will know better than any of your Blogging Chums whether he is capable of such extreme violence or not... not that it really matters if he is, or was just acting out. Either way, it’s just one more manifestation of an over-controlling personality.
You can't afford to assume it was simply a transient emotional reaction!!!

Now that everyone involved knows where they stand, (and you made it clear some time ago, to us, anyway, that you're miserably unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled in your marriage) this seems like an ideal time to get the hell outta Dodge... loath as I am to make such a massively life-altering suggestion to anyone.

You'd stated earlier that your marriage was irreparable. OK, now the H needs to realize that, too, and let go… Let go, or be pried loose- THOSE are his choices…

Sorry to run so long- I lack the brevity gene (As you long ago noticed!) so many of my Blogging Brethren and Cistern share. PLEASE calm yourself, take deep soothing breaths when the stress’ and self-doubts start to rise, and carefully work out the best and safest exit strategy for both your sake, and your kids.

Hang tough, Sweet Heart- I know that you’ve Steel in you that will temper beautifully once you’re out of this forge.799


Been a while since they last let me out into polite society. Resurfacing, catching a breath, & catching up.

And while I got my Broad-Brimmed Pimping Hat on, could I cajole all of y'all to Comment on, Alone In A Cloud? It's probably the best thing that I've written!



warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/19/2005 9:42 pm

dear kitten

it was dranba who first noticed things had reached a head. Read her post [post 120302]. Sweet dranba really cares, as do we all.

warm xx

madkitten 53F
291 posts
10/20/2005 12:58 am

Thank you everyone for your kind words and concern, I really didnt mean to worry anyone, I turned my comments off because I felt so stupid, this is the only outlet I have, I dare not leave anything written down by pen, and as this is the 1st blog place I found and used, it now contains most of my feelings, insecurities etc, it seemed like the only place on earth that I could shout my feelings out, I didnt do it to alarm or worry anyone. I will turn my profile back on, but it will be amended, just so it is another point of contact.

rm_Deanobaby2 40M
31 posts
10/20/2005 2:54 am

Hey MK!
Was wondering why you hadn't blogged in a while. Had a message from warmandsexy that things may not be quite so sunny for you right now.

You husband is seriously twisted in the cranial cavity (lack of brain). From what you say it sounds like he has threatened your 1st love in a serious way for him to beg you hub not to hurt his family.
Be wary of this guy, for christ's sake.
My advice is to bide your time and then get the fuck out of dodge, taking kids along too. The advice about telling the cops is totally the best thing to do as well. You may also wanna tell the cops that he threatened you with violence and too. That is seriously wrong.
You're not stupid, by the way. You are just being made to feel that way by a man who finds he can get his own way if he bullies his wife with threats and intimidation. NOT A MAN.
You may also wanna take up travellingintexas' offer of some good old texas whoop ass. Hell, if I weren't a 90 pound weakling then I'd be in there like swimwear!
In short you need to get out and get away and get safe. AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
If you think this guy is capable of what he threatens then get away.
Most bullies aren't, but if you think he is, then get clear and make yourself safe.
You are not stupid, hun. Everyone does something dumb once in a while, you are no exception. If your hubby thinks you are lying about it just bein a bit o fun, then he's the one losing out. Maybe if he was more open minded and mindful that two people make a relationship then this would never have happened in the first place. Who knows, he could've been the one enjoying the naughty texts with you!?

I hope you stay safe and well, and hope you can blog again soon hun.
Till then you have all our love and support babe.

saddletrampsk 54F

10/20/2005 8:53 am

How dare your husband threaten you and your first love..and you are not stupid, you are like all of us here, seeking some companionship and a kindred spirit perhaps, something you aren't getting in your married life..What an insecure control freak your husband is..I urge you to go to the authorites and have his threats at least documented if you are unable to press charges..Hang in there and be strong sweety..great big hugs to you and remember you are not alone, there are alot of good people behind you..

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