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the President's I-Pod
the President's I-Pod
It's morning, and the President is having a Daily Presidential
Briefing in the exercise
room. Geo. W. Bush is probably the most visibly physical Republican
President in my lifetime.
Now, I know Nixon put the bowling alley in the White House, and that
kind of fits...I mean Tricky
Dick began his political career, way back in the days of The
Honeymooners", by answering an ad in
the classifieds. Ironic, isn't it? "classifieds...."
[ editor's note: it is never mentioned, but Ronald Reagan
removed the bowling alley, and
gave the room, and FEMA, to Oliver North. He is still there today, a
kind of Capitol Hill
'Cato'...and the reception he gets puts your satellite, and flat
screen to shame.]
Back to our meeting. Since this is a sweat stategy meeting, it
is male only. The
President, the Vice President Cheney, Karl Rove...( that K... I mean
really...it even painted
Kissinger...why wouldn't you, if you could... do otherwise...),
Rumsfield, and Karen Hughes.
The President is bobbing to the I-Pod, and the motion of the
exercise machine. The others,
left with a somewhat removed audience, gather momentum and volume
amongst themselves, and then
let it involve the President.
Karl Rove: ( voice shrill as it emits above the din ) "It
SUCKS! We all know that that
hillbilly Hilary bitch is just letting him back in, by hiding him
under her lesbian petticoats!
How can anybody buy this crap. Whitewash breaking Water...that's what
it is... douchebag
politics... Can't they see that she is passed 'Can't beat 'em", and
is full on " Join 'em?"
Karen Hughes: "Well, hell, Karl... you talk like she has a
chance... All we gotta do is to
stay on message, and let the ( Re ) public vote on our 9/11 American
Idols. If we massage the
pollsters, and determine the glory hole, we can put our own 'media
darling' up against her, or
anybody! I mean, we don't even have to address anything
critical...ever. Just shine the
star....wax on,... wax off. And if we have to, we'll allow 'da
terminator' to run. I'd rather
Guilliani, what with the polls, and his ability to steal some old Bob
Newhardt fans... but
whatever it takes."
"Jeez, I wish you'd grow a pair!"
Dick Cheney: ( Dick Cheney and Rumsfeld are actuallly off in a
corner by themselves.
Cheney is fond of a game he divised, mixing 'rock, paper, scissors',
with Montana drinking
rituals. The loser gets slugged in the jaw, by the winner. He always
initiates the game the
same way...) "Ever been ta' Montanaaaah?
Rumsfied: " No..." ( As it turns out, this game suits Rummy
fine, and off on their own,
they go from adolescent gambling, to tear your skin off romanticism.)
fuck....Take your ring off...." ( Cheney is wearing a jewel bestudded
ring, in the shape of a
Cheney: ( sheepishly...) "oh, that... Yeah, well, maybe I'll
tell ya how I got THAT some
Geo w bUSH: ( his head is really rockin' ) What's that? Karl,
ya sound like a cat in a
rockin' chair fac'try....what the hell happened...ya know I hate it
when you scream all girlie
like that...are we under attack again?"
Karl Rove: I was just...
Geo W Bush: "Wait!" ( The President is fully animated,
stretching to the limits of the
machine, and the I-Pod)
Karen Hughes: "What IS it?!!!!"
Cheney: ( he holds up a finger to Rummy, and comes to Karen's
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! It's his favorite song!"
The crowd in the room, looks at the President as one, for the
Cheney: "It's Taylor Hicks!"
Karl Rove: The faggy American Idol guy? ( no one notices, but
Karl's waist band
Karen Hughes: Which song?
Cheney: You know.....
(blank stares around the circle...)
Cheney: "The FORD COMMErcial...!!!!"
slowly, the blank stares gain collective cognizance, and their
eyes light up...
Karl Rove: ( singing ) "I go where I want..."
Rumsfield: (singing) " I do what I please, "
Everybody: ( the President has lowered his 'buds'and joins in.) "
And that works for
There is a pause, and everybody makes eye contact with everybody.
There is a tension, a
musical, philosophical building, a wave...
Everybody: ( the wave breaks...) "Love it when I
see.....Possibilities...." ( great
laughter all 'round)
Geo W. Bush: ( he grabs a handful of 'Moist Towelletes, and dabs
at his 'pecs' ) "Now, Karl,
what the f*ck has got you so menopausal..."
Karen Hughes: "He doesn't have any faith. He sees dipshit
Willery as a threat. Tell him
to grow a pair!"
Geo. W. Bush: "Ya'all need to lighten up... I got this in the
bag. This ain't no 'final
episode' of West Wing...
Rumsfield: You!!!? ..... "You what?"
Geo.: "listen...you guys seen me and Condi, out on the dance
floor back then, her skinny
back showin' through, and my hand nearby... I'm tellin' you, that
gal's got BACK...heh,
heh,...and she's got OUR back."
Cheney: "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout "W"?"
Geo." It's simple, man. Me and Condi get hitched, we run the
first BLACK, WOMAN,
REPUBLICAN.....for President. And I'll be her 'fat back daddy', and
we all keep our jobs!"
Karen Hughes: "Mindful...I know how the backside of Washington
scrathes itself, but
Sir....you're aleady married..."
Geo : Karen, you are one hell of a soldier, but I think you lack
a bit of the spyboy
larceny. Tell yer momma the good stuff, and tell US the rest... Of
COURSE I'm married... I
don't even PAY anyone here to remind me of it. I probably should...
hey...do wearin' these vest make ya impotent?
Rumsfield: "Well, in my experience...'
Geo : "oh cram it, clown... You got yer job, and yer people got
their jobs, and none of
any of that's got a dimwit fescue about me and " President Johnson."
Karl Rove: "President Johnson...???"
Geo. " Karl, how do you get that sound out of you, without
somebody else inside you?"
Cheney: " mmmmmm, faaaaat baaaaack...."
Geo : " Okay....I'm gonna tell ya' how it's gonna be....
We're gonna run a Blunt end fake, right up the middle. We're gonna
send this skinny black chic,
right through....the guilt thing is on, but small.... She's been
everywhere. She knows the
people of the world, she has been there, and said our words there.
She is our New World
Kissinger. The whole world shares the guilt....black women ,
beaten, pillaged, denied....
And we have shown them a response... 'Talk to me....' She asks for
you, ...them, to come to her,
and talk. And...here's the bonus...NO ONE wants to DO her. It's like
havin' a guy, being a
girl!!! Now, make no mistake, she doesn't speak for me! That old good
cop, bad cop. Cause when I
speak, people shudder...."
Karen Hughes: "Sir' what about our base?"
Geo : " Our base??!!! Man, she's a black woman. Nobody knows a
black woman that ain't
right with the Lord!. This gets us right into that Black Baptist
sector of our wave of
connection with the Free Base Initiative!"
Karen: "You mean 'Faith Based Initiative'..."
Geo: " Hughes, I know all thaT memorizin' got ya this job, but,
man.....you need to get
some pussy! I'm guessin you and me didn't do any skirt chasin' 'back
when"... how DID you get
this job? ......hypothetical.... hypothetical....
Cheney: "mmmmmmmm freeeeee basinnnnnn......."
Geo: Look, y'all...if it takes a skirt ta get in the White
House, then so be it... The good
news is, we can see it comin'. And lipstick ain't gonna help THAT
pig....I mean, Hilary is a
prime A number one bitch, who can't keep her husband's plow in the
field, probably because she's
a full blown bull dike, and their kid looks like SHE could go either
way....( grinning...) can ya
Rumsfield: "Sir, what about collateral damage?"
Geo: " Collateral.... ya mean My wife?"
Rumsfield: " Well, I refer to a side of this action, that might
rise up in rebellion, and
affect, at least in the short run, the projected success of the mission."
Geo.: ' Okay troops....brass tacks. I made a deal. Now, this
should be 'none of yer
fuckin' buznz', but.... I worked this out. I want you to consider,
that I am in a possition to
have lawyewrs wanting to drink my piss, for what I can do for them.
Do you know how safe
swimming in water is for me now????? Anyway, we worked out an
I divorce what's her name,temporarily, and I marry Condi. My ex,
and according to all
paperwork, my real wife, then spends the next four, or eight years
with my mom, Barbara. This,
is the hardest part of the deal. Have any of you seen my father's
stones? No. I know you
haven't. Cause I know where they are. After that Des moines guy
hookd him with the
....well....never mind.... Anyway, there will be a jar right next to
his. If I screw up, I'm
...well...I,m no GOLDEN....
Karen Hughes: "Sir, this is extreme... What you describe can
only be considered as a 'bet
it all' approach, an addiction, an inability to consider options..."
Geo: "K-Boy....you're fired..."
Cheney: ( to Karen Hughes, with his ring back on ) ...ever been
Geo.: " Here's tha good part....I get ta do her at least once.
"cause if any big snot
dignatary ever wants ta ask...' what's it like....doin'
her'......well, I gotta have an
Karl Rove: "Sir, I can't help but feel..., well, sir....
Geo.: "Jesus shit....it's a fuckin' girllll.... get her tha
fuck outta here.... hey
Karla...what time is iitttttt.....I know that buuuugs ya...."
Cheney: " Sir...will ya want to campaign for her in Montanaaah...?"
Geo.: "You sly dawg...you ain't gettin' me that way again. Hey,
and before everybody
clears out, anti up....me and this pony need a few more quarters to
hit our cardio goal for
In many smaller parts of the world, the paisley apparitions of
this reality may never
hit.... one can only hope....
10/22/2006 10:48 pm
Well, I am amused...|
maybe I'm just a bit
red wine faced...
I know that my corner here is small
and that just a few folks stop by
and fewer leave a note...
This post has as many visits as most
but remains unmentionable.
I never know what that means...
It could be
that the thoughts caused
by the coupling of my phrases
and the triggers of
grocery store tabloids
and paper thin responses
from what passes as government,
...are actually greater
than the less convoluted structures
that I play with here...
It is possible
that this one
poked some new grey matter
and had to be held
for the second ring
of the bell
...because that is what consciousness is.....
thanks to all for reading...
sometimes it is like a blind date...
you know a bit about what is about to happen
but once it begins
it begins on its own.
10/22/2006 10:49 pm
that it's just crap...
and the folks that I have
ARE very polite!!!!!
10/24/2006 7:51 pm
Now this was truly a READ worth reading, M I find your writing entertaining, stimulating, and thought provoking...when are we meeting again??? |