Incoherent Ramblings  

lustcurious42 56F
257 posts
8/27/2006 9:01 am

Last Read:
8/28/2006 5:51 am

Incoherent Ramblings

First things first, I've became a blog addict. First it was chat. Now it's blogs. There are some great wonderful writers on this site, and some really caring people. The depth in the blogs sometimes surprises me. People sharing their struggles and triumphs.
My struggle is still my son. He's doing better than a few months ago, but I get so worried he won't succeed in life. He makes some poor choices at times but at least he is finally working. Such anger in such a young man. Towards his dad. He hasn't talked to him in probably three years now. I can't even say his name without him blowing up and telling me he doesn't have a dad......the struggles of a mom, and it tears at my being.
My niece is going to go live with my other sister. Still very close to me. She's lived with me six years now. It will probably be easier for me, and perhaps I can finally do the things I dreamed of doing with my daughter. And I know I have been stressed lately. Sometimes life seems to be consumed by merely surviving. It's so hard to keep everything done.
In the car yesterday, my daughter, out of the blue asks me, "So Mom, do you want to be cremated and have a place on the fireplace?" I replied, "No, I'd prefer to have mounds on dirt placed on top of me and bugs crawling out of my eye sockets" all the while wondering where in the hell this conversation is coming from. She informed me we should talk about this stuff, just in case...... cheery car ride. But I did let her know I didn't want anyone looking at me after I died (I'm thinking funeral here) to which she asked what about the person that finds you? I told her it was ok if they looked at me, just to make sure I was really dead........ She is a strange kid at times. Some day I'll have to blog the story of her being dropped to earth...... She informed me that since I like really old cemetaries she is going to find one to have me buried at. My niece popped up and commented, "Ewwwww, lieing next to people you don't know??" They also discussed the possibility of just throwing me on some mountain top, but my niece decided that wasn't a good idea because maybe I'd get mistaken for a homicide victim. I'm really serious here. This was the conversation I endured in the car yesterday......
My Sweet Lover is still gone. Four more days. It scares me that I have become so quickly somewhat dependent on him, for talks, for closeness. And I once again am having doubts. We finally had a chance to talk on the phone last night for more than a quickie phone call. And something was missing. Perhaps he's just tired and stressed. I need to learn the world does not revolve around me, no matter what my need for it too. So no matter the underlying reason, I find myself doubting me again and my decisions. Oh gosh, he has been the perfect man this second time around. And I have so needed to be held so very tight. It's a good thing ODaddy hasn't been calling this weekend again, it helps me avoid my temptations.
Maybe I just need to go out and kick up my heels and let my hair down.......anyone wanna join me?

maggie2108 63F
57 posts
8/27/2006 10:28 am

I think we know they are your kids! and that's meant in a loving way sweetie.

And just hang in there, time will really be the one to tell you. But you know that.

lustcurious42 replies on 8/27/2006 1:22 pm:
Oh Maggie, those girls were in the car planning my "party" as they called it and what music they were going to play. It sounds like it would be a fun time from what they were planning, for everyone but me. You know, some responsible adult will probably go and take the fun out of it. I like what they were planning and the music they picked. It made me smile

meerkittykat 42F

8/27/2006 10:32 am

Kids often have a different perspective on death than we do. They know they're so much further removed from it, so they can speak of it without the trepidation that we do. To them, it's just something that happens.....we adults could learn a lot from kids in that way.

Just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog the other day.

lustcurious42 replies on 8/27/2006 1:23 pm:
They were sure having fun planning the party.........
Thanks for stopping by!!

goodatpoetry2 67M
13103 posts
8/27/2006 12:03 pm

Your kids sound pretty normal.
death is something that happens to others, so they can be rather "flip" about it.
You sound like you can use a good laugh right now!
You're in my new post, I hope you don't mind.
It's pretty funny!
POEM --- Revenge Is Sweet!

lustcurious42 replies on 8/27/2006 1:20 pm:
I didn't mind at all. You know by now how much I enjoy your writings, I bow to the master (hey, I got kinda wet calling you master ) ...........
Now, to just make it come true. Maybe I should put a link on my blog there.......
And I'm sure in the next day or two you may even see a reply......I think I've figured this linking stuff out now too!!

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
8/28/2006 5:43 am

Welcome to blog-addiction! Join the club!

As for death - it's amazing how which side of the threescore years and ten mid-point you are affects how you see it. When you are young you are going to live forever, it seems, so it has less of an impact, talking about it.

warm xx

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