|Blogs > lucky_lady15 > Lucky_lady15|
Do you know the feelings you have when you care for someone deeply but they dont return the same feelings? I had this friend whom I have spoke about before in a few blogs. I adored him and at first he said he adored me as well. We had said some words and stopped talking for a week or two but then he contacted me and wanted to still be friends with benefits. The funny thing is that i have hardly spoke to him. He wont answer emails or offlines. I know he is a busy man and I also know his Dad is rather ill and in the hospital. But i see him online in another site we both belong to. So I have taken this as a sign that it is over between us. And boy does it hurt.
I am finding myself very emotional the past few days. I dont know if it is because of him, feeling lonely and unwanted or the fact that I have stopped taking my celexa for depression. I stopped taking it because I was feeling prettty good. My life was better, I was happy, I wasnt crying nearly as much as I used to. So I didnt fill the next script. Maybe it is a combonation of things too.
I do know that I am missing him very much. I see my friends happy with their special friends and I tend to get a little bit jealous. So jealous to the point that at times I avoid coming on. I am truely happy for them, they are wonderful people and deserve happiness and I love each of them.
I have been trying to find that special person for me. Someone who likes to talk, flirt, someone who isnt afraid to call me babe or darlin or if the time is right to say I love you....someone that when you see them log on it excites you. Oh well. Maybe that person just isnt out there for me. Maybe I did have that once and I messed it up and it left. Maybe..............