Something old, something new......  

lovetoeatemtoo 49M
8 posts
11/9/2005 6:20 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Something old, something new......


Have you ever wondered if things were better for both sexes when the roles were more traditionally defined?

Ok before I get flamed by all the women's movement supporters out there I'll start with telling you I have 2 daughters who I want to have every opportunity to choose whatever course their lives take. I'm so completely committed to that ideal that I'm ensuring they absolutely get the best education they are capable of absorbing and they should be capable of complete emotional and financial independence. Further I've always consistently told them that their most important attributes in order are: That they are good caring nice people, Smart and motivated and only then should their appearance / relationship goals come into play.

Now back to the issue at hand. It's pretty clear that with few exceptions Men and Women are interchangeable in the workplace. I find it equally clear that given the desire to do so they're also interchangeable on the domestic front. That said, I think it's equally true that neither can be all things at all times. In other words nobody, man or woman can have it all!

As with any change it seems to me the pendulum usually swings past the center to the other extreme before settling back to something that works. In this context I wonder if the switch from what was a message of "Limited Options" to "Anything is possible" hasn't set an unreasonable expectation that we can have it all!

The "we" in that sentence was no mistake. Despite the focus on Women's changing role / direction in life in the end unless both sexes decide "single life" is what their after, finding a way for both people to be fulfilled is the goal.

Maybe I'm the minority (I refuse to really believe that) but I want my spouse (insert: wife/S.O./Mistress/Partner lol) to be as happy with her life and the roles we accept in our relationship as I am. Isn't there a way to have balance and respect for both parties needs without sacrificing what was good while allowing for change for the better?

Is it out of fashion for me to believe I should hold a door for a woman or that on a date I should pick up the tab. In a more serious relationship is it no longer appropriate to feel like your supposed to be the provider and protector while she is the caregiver and nurturer. In our noble quest to make sure everyone has the same opportunity have we somehow given the message that those "old fashioned" qualities are no longer worthy of aspiring to?

Growing up it was always made clear to me that: "Hey it's ok for a man to cry" but I didn't take that as it's ok for me to be a sniveling whiny emotional wreck! By the same logic though just because we've taught our daughters "You deserve equal treatment for the same job" doesn't mean they should no longer think the things that made my Mom, Grand Mother, Great Grandmother (etc).... an excellent Wife and Mother are no longer important!

I suppose what's bothering me though is what I perceive to be this almost over compensation by women aged 20-40 in what almost appears to be a campaign of proving they can be just like men! To be honest there's almost no question they can be but why would they want to! Furthermore it seems like in these instances it's some of the worst behaviors that end up being adopted to prove the point. Truth be told most of us "Decent" (boy is that a matter of opinion but hey it's my blog, lol) guys have friends that typify the stereotypical Man's Man but frankly that doesn't mean we all change our behavior to be like them.

Maybe it's like many other controversial changes in that the vocal minority is what gets all the press and is necessary so the silent majority finds the middle ground and moves the overall issue forward for the betterment of everyone.

From my perspective I can only hope so and that it's just been my limited experience so far as I've expanded my horizons to meet new people after having married so young.

You know it's funny there are two sayings that just seem to be popping into my head. One old and one new. I guess they're both signs of their times.

OLD:
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free

New:
Why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage

Well, I suspect they'll be no shortage of opinions on this one!

hippiechick1967 53F
12072 posts
12/28/2005 9:18 am

I don't know if I'm the right person to be answering this, as I have always been "different," or even if you will see this so long after you wrote it, Love, but I hear what you're saying. As a woman who grew up in a house of just women (1 sister and mother), my views may be skewed. I never had a father tell me I was special or worthy or brothers or even male cousins around at all, just the assorted boyfriends my mother brought home. I was even glad I didn't have a ftaher to hassle me at 13 when I got involved with older people and drugs and left home for good. I grew up to be an intelligent, fiercly independent woman with a chip on her shoulder. I still get surprised when I meet men who have characteristics I don't usually attribute to them: loyalty, empathy, and trustworthiness. I have come to realize that my earlier conceptions were tainted by the lifestyle in which I grew up, and I am learning to appreciate some of the unique attributes men have that make me feel happy. So I guess that makes me an independent professional woman who likes having doors opened for her.

Melanie

Elevate me...


sexy2006sensual 40M
2 posts
10/29/2006 11:53 pm

Hi Hippie... I read this posting and seem to be like you... at least when you grew up... i didnt finally leave my house till i was 16, i do not speak with either parent. I am trying to get enjoyment out of life and live stress free.. not finding it easy.. how are you doing it?

jgarlic1 on the americ a o n line


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