|Blogs > loveland0 > A lonely fathers thoughts|
I am new to the whole blog thing but i will try.
I have to say first and formost that i had never thought about what single parents go through. Now that i have custody of my sons I have every bit of respect for single moms and dads. We never consider what people go through until we have to ourselves. We never appreciate what sacrafices parents make till we do it ourselves. I work 10 hours a day and the rest of my time is spent with my wonderful children. I enjoy every minute i get with them and am glad i have it. The only thing is when you start to talk to someone and mention you have children they act like its a disease. Can someone explain this to me? Explain why it seems like noone wants someone with "baggage". To all the single parents out there i just want to say that i applaude you.
5/7/2006 8:20 pm
Sure it's something to be commended for, but a couple of ideas spring to mind (as I wouldn't think of being with someone who already had kids). |
First off, you gotta ask yourself why they got themselves into that situation. Maybe they can't hold down a relationship. That's tough baggage to help someone carry. Some have already been through crap relationships and one more just isn't what they have in mind.
Secondly, lots of people just don't want to chance raising somebody else's kids. Some don't want the kids around when they want some alone time. It can be tough scheduling a relationship around being a parent. You would have a hard time taking priority over their kids. Nobody likes coming in second.
I personally don't like kids. I haven't liked them for a good 12 or 13 years. Everyone tells me I'll change, but I am not that kind of person about anything.
The way I guess you have to look at it is the same way people look at other traits. Some won't date smokers. Others won't date fat people. While it may be somewhat shallow, I think the jury is in on those kinds of things. To each his/her own.
Hope that added some insight into that kind of thinking, at least for the more reasonable ones. Some are just insecure about the whole thing and need to grow up. Others have their minds made up based after serious contemplation.
7/6/2006 5:53 am
OMG - I have to say that I really liked your post and I can understand your frustrations - especially after reading the single minded/shallow comments from SlimGoodGuy. |
I had an entire different train of thought from your post that I was going to add (and hopefully I can still remember it), but SGG's comment really hit a nerve with me. I want to start by saying, "Children are God's way of saying the world shall go on" - and second, did your parents dislike children too? Your bitterness and dislike for children is appauling. I am a single mom - with a wonderful 9 year old daughter and I am grateful that I have never been cursed with meeting someone like SGG - but then again, I wouldn't probably ever have the misfortune anyway since he mentioned some people not dating 'fat people'. I have lost a bunch of weight since I joined this site - and am thinner than I was 11 years ago, but I have never ignored that there is this shallowness in the world.
As for what got the people into this situation, as a single mom, I can say it was more healthy for my daughter's emotional health that her dad and I split up - he is a great dad, but not a great 'significant other'. The one who ends up with the kids is not necessarily 'to blame' for not being able to hold on to a relationship and there is no way that it is a reflection of one's stability - if it was, they would not have the children. Anyone who looks at children as 'baggage' is going to be a whole lot more baggage than any child can ever be - children are our tomorrow - shallow men are today that will be gone tomorrow when 'something better comes along' - for those, I say, go check out the grass on the other side - it's green today, it will die tomorrow!!
I am so sorry for the rambling and not addressing your initial 'blog' post, but the comments by SGG are his - and I would like to think his alone - although with the mess of our entire world, I do think there are more of him out there than there used to be - for those people, all I can do is wish them a lifetime of loneliness - and I am by no means someone who ever wishes ill harm on anyone - but this guy has NERVE!!
I am with a wonderful man, who is 6 years younger than me, I have had my tubes tied and he has never had children of his own - but he is fine with that because we have become a wonderful/strong family unit as we are. Before I met him, I had decided if I didn't 'date' anyone or have another relationship until after my daughter was grown, it would be fine with me - she completes me for what I was put on earth to do - I can always do for me when she is grown - they grow so fast - enjoy them while you can!!
I commend you for what you are doing raising your children - I know many men who raise their children and they receive the utmost respect from me. Being a single parent is tough, but in my personal opinion it is even harder for men. I admire you for your strength and selflessness in raising your children - you will have a better feel for yourself as a person for doing what you are doing now - even though it is hard - it's the toughest job you'll ever love - and the rewards you will receive are far more important than a lot of people (like SGG) will ever know.
P.S. - I did not accept the network invite, but you are welcome to contact me by email and be friends if you choose. Hang in there - this will ALL be worth it in the long run.