Blow Jobs - The Female Perspective  

lostmydrinkagain 43F
2339 posts
8/6/2006 8:54 pm

Last Read:
8/9/2006 9:13 am

Blow Jobs - The Female Perspective

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - Dp not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. (See also rule #2 about gratitude.)
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."



mdchica83 33F

8/6/2006 9:12 pm

Those girls in the pornos never looked very comfortable when I guy was cumming all over her face. Who wants to get an eyefull of the creamy white stuff? Try explaining that one to the doctor if you get an infection.


abitcrazy4sex 44M
1335 posts
8/6/2006 9:19 pm

good thing i dont play video games


rm_Pugsly43 46M

8/6/2006 9:21 pm

Lostmydrinkagain, although I agree with your thoughts, they are written with a great deal a venom. I would like to think most guys are just satisfied (but not enough to fart) to get there blow job and be happy. I'm sure you must have gotten ahold of a "bad apple."


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
8/6/2006 9:22 pm

there is NOTHING funnier than the truth!

this one actually made me snort:

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

thanks for the giggle...err snort


timberwolf6972 44M

8/6/2006 9:23 pm

I'll try to remember all this if you ever give me a blowjob! {=}


SexGoddess2901 51F
207 posts
8/6/2006 10:02 pm

I agree with you comletely! LOL


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:12 pm

    Quoting mdchica83:
    Those girls in the pornos never looked very comfortable when I guy was cumming all over her face. Who wants to get an eyefull of the creamy white stuff? Try explaining that one to the doctor if you get an infection.
umm, yah I'd like to avoid that situation.


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:13 pm

Yes, I'd say for both of us it is...


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:14 pm

    Quoting insideher2006:
    OMG, that is so funny. I would love to hear some of these read on David Letterman's Top 10 list some night.
I'll be sure and email them to him right away...


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:15 pm

    Quoting rm_Pugsly43:
    Lostmydrinkagain, although I agree with your thoughts, they are written with a great deal a venom. I would like to think most guys are just satisfied (but not enough to fart) to get there blow job and be happy. I'm sure you must have gotten ahold of a "bad apple."
let's just say I don't eat certain apples anymore...


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:16 pm

    Quoting rm_sj365:
    there is NOTHING funnier than the truth!

    this one actually made me snort:

    16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

    thanks for the giggle...err snort
I couldn't agree more.


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:17 pm

    Quoting timberwolf6972:
    I'll try to remember all this if you ever give me a blowjob! {=}
that is much appreciated.


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:18 pm

    Quoting rm_flyaway1012:
    3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

    Those are funny, #3 was my fave I think. I can just 'see' me saying that!!
I have said that before, but hopefully I won't have to ever again...


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/6/2006 11:19 pm

I bet if men paid attention to these rules, they would get serviced more often.


kyplowboy22 61M

8/7/2006 2:30 am

Ohhhh! Sorry! How was I supposed to know that's not what you meant when you asked for a pearl necklace.


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/7/2006 2:50 am

    Quoting kyplowboy22:
    Ohhhh! Sorry! How was I supposed to know that's not what you meant when you asked for a pearl necklace.
I said diamonds you must have misunderstood me...


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/7/2006 2:52 am

any time, but it's too early for coffe here, I just poured my first drink and I still need to go to bed yet...


rm_cutechubby8 46F
3428 posts
8/7/2006 6:18 am

my favourite is... 5 - my ears are not handles. You're really on a roll with your latest blogs - and they are all lol funny. You obviously have too much free time - you need to play some more!-


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/7/2006 11:27 am

    Quoting rm_cutechubby8:
    my favourite is... 5 - my ears are not handles. You're really on a roll with your latest blogs - and they are all lol funny. You obviously have too much free time - you need to play some more!-
I would love to, but he is asleep...


bustybettyboop 50F  
59325 posts
8/9/2006 5:17 am

another really good one..lol

..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/9/2006 9:13 am

I think your's are pretty funny too.


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