One Liners  

looking4fun_604 50F
127 posts
11/5/2005 10:16 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

One Liners

I know some of these have been posted...but I'm too lazy to edit it...

Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Assassins do it from behind.

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Be nice to your family. They'll choose your nursing home.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

RockPebble 69M
2484 posts
11/19/2005 10:53 am

Sex is like snow, you never know how much you'll get or how long it will last.

Never argue with an idiot, he'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If I had known I would live this long I would have taken better care of myself.

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