JackInOffWebsite??  

looking4fun_604 50F
127 posts
10/30/2005 3:45 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

JackInOffWebsite??

Why in the world do you guys need a website for jerking off?? And why is the stuff on it soooo weird?? Here a just a few:

EGGPLANT JAM
Select an eggplant that is sufficiently larger than your erect penis. Cut a hole in the peel that's the exact size of the base of your erect penis. Then make a hole in the pulp smaller than your erection (using a broom handle works well). Then put the eggplant in the microwave for about a minute and a half, just so it gets warm inside and starts to get a little soft, but don't really cook it. Then, after you make sure with your finger that the inside is cool enough, put in some lube (try coconut oil), put the eggplant between a couple of pillows, and make eggplant jam. Or, you can lie on your back and just move the eggplant back and forth on your erect penis.
I will never eat eggplant ever again...

THE BAGGIE & THE MATTRESS

Get a plastic sandwich baggie and put some Vaseline in it. Then put your penis in and squish all the Vaseline around so it covers your penis. Once that is done, kneel in front of a bed. Lift the up mattress and put your penis, with the baggie still on it, between the mattress and the box-spring. Start pumping as if you were having sex. When you're done, all you have to do is throw away the baggie.
Is this why the mattress is never on the boxspring correctly??

THE PASTA PLAYTHING
Here's a homemade masturbation toy that takes a bit of time to make, but it's worth it. Items needed:
Regular box of spaghetti (regular-size noodles work best – not the large noodles)
Jar or glass (any sturdy glass that's the same circumference from top to bottom – just make sure it's long enough and wide enough; 4 to 5 inches in diameter should be fine)
Large sheet of Saran Wrap
1 or 2 strong rubber bands
Broom handle or long-neck beer bottle

Cook the spaghetti noodles until done (as if you were going to eat them). Drain the water and add a bit of vegetable oil to prevent the noodles from sticking together – just add one capful of oil, because you'll want them to stick together a little later on. Let them cool to a nice and warm temperature; be sure to finger-test to prevent burning yourself. Next, fill the glass with the noodles and pack it tight. Find something to push down the noodles to pack the glass. (Just be careful to not break the glass while packing the noodles in.) Pack the noodles all the way to the top. Stretch the Saran Wrap over the top of the glass. Make sure the Saran Wrap is pulled tight across the top, and secure it with a strong rubber band or two. The noodles will try to pop out, so the stronger the rubber bands, the better it will work out. Next, poke a small hole in the center of the Saran Wrap with a pencil or something similar, and then push a broom handle or bottleneck into the small hole in the wrap. It should open up the wrap some and make a nice-size hole in the packed spaghetti. The spaghetti will expand some to accommodate your penis; a broomstick handle makes a good starter hole.

You can use any lube, but try warm butter. Just put the butter in a bowl and microwave until melted and warm (not hot). On a finger, rub the melted butter inside the spaghetti hole. At this point you will feel just how much that spaghetti really feels like a vagina – it's amazing, especially if the spaghetti is still nice and warm. Apply the butter lube to your penis, and insert it into the hole. The Saran Wrap keeps the spaghetti from coming out and also creates a vacuum effect. You can put the jar on the floor or between two pillows or wherever it sits well for you, and hump away.
Scratch pasta off the menu too!!

Would you go to all that trouble just to jerk off??


mygmyg 59M

11/2/2005 9:43 am

Looking 4 FUN !!! You're way too much fun, and should never share the web site!! We males, will never leave the kitchen, or our favorite pervin' websites. it is one way to get us interested in doing some cooking and chores around the casa!!

As far as the Mattress-- mattress too high, BOX spring too fast!! Old joke about hard up indian caught screwing a knot hole in a tree, and asked why not stealthly sneak up on a deer and get him some?
answer: ASS too HIGH, Runs too FAST!!!

And LADIES now you know to NEVER, EVER eat the leftovers in our REFRIDGERATOR!!

Can you just here the girls sitting around talking about the new boyfriend of one the girls?
"I was surprised! his refrigerator had cooked pasta in a jar with this salty cream sauce, but atleast he's trying!!! and there was this cored out eggplant? When was the last time YOU saw an eggplant in a mans' refrigerator?? Oh, yes, he is a KEEPER!!!"

LOVED the blog!!


looking4fun_604 50F
67 posts
11/3/2005 2:25 pm

~~myg~~ remind me NEVER to go into your fridge!! I see you've been to the site though...LOL Did you find it helpful?? Chat with ya soon....


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