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23 Years of Marriage
23 Years of Marriage
I was married once before and our sex life was okay. But that went down hill when I gained some weight due to lossing our child. We than had sex once or twice a month. After that marriage went bad, I had several sexual relationships. The sex with them was great,but there was one guy that I had sex with that was fantastic. We would have such good sex that the apartement manager almost called the police because he thought he was hurting me. But what it was,was good hard sex. He was also the first guy I gave my ass hole too! That relationship ended too, I was sorry to say. Than at the age of 18 years old I became religious and met the man that I thought I was supose to spend my whole life with. He was unexperianced in the sex department. He never jacked off,or seen any pornography. He was 23 and still a virgin when we got married. Talk about a long wedding night! He didn't even know what hole to put his dick in. I had to show him
Our sex life was what you would call plan and borring. After a few years sex became almost nill to none. We would maybe have sex once a year and that was usaully on our Anniversery,and even then it was't anything special or exciting.
He always got off but when it came for me to get off I usaully had to fake it. I don't think I ever had an orgasm. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep because I was wanting what I had before in a lover and in sex. I would have to finger my pussy and play with my clit to get myself off. I hide dildos from him and when he found them, I would have to throw them away because he said they were nasty. Well at least I still had my fingers to get me threw.
At the age of 40 I was getting tired of having no sex. I started trying things to save my marriage and my sex life. I would try and give him blow jobs but he didn't like them. You tell me what man doesn't like a blow job? I tried to caress his body to be sensuale with him but he was to ticklish. I tried creams,lotions,and jells with flavors. He just didn't care for any of it. He had no desires to have sex anymore. We went to the doctors and we explained about what was going on and he perscribed ED medication. They didn't even work for him. They had no effect on his cock.
Was I expecting too much? Was I comparing our sex life with what I had in the past? Was it his small cock size that had me wanting more from sex? For 23 years I faked my orgasms.
Then an old friend came into my life in Jan,2004 We started going out for lunch together with the okay from my husband. At one time my husband said it would be okay to go with my friend to his company retreat for the the weekend. My husband was very trusting. My friend and I would talk all the time on the phone or computer. Our talks became sexual. One time we even had cybor sex and it was good. We talked about what was going on with my husband and our sex life. I told him that I couldn't cheat on my husband. But if he wanted anything to happen between us he would have to make the first move,I couldn't do that. A few more weeks went by and we continued to talk to one another. He was busy building a computer for one of his brothers and I told him I had some spare computer parts laying around the house and if he would like them I could bring them by his place. I told my husband that I was taking some things over to his apartement and he said okay! I took them over to his place and we talked and visited for awhile. As I was about to leave and get in my car he reached over and started to rub my tits. I was shocked and surprised at what he did. I found it exciting too! When I got home we talked later and I offered some more computer stuff to him and he wanted me to bring them out to his place the next day. I got myself dressed nice and went out to see him. He wanted to show me his computer which just so happened to be in his bedroom. His bed was next to the computer desk so I sat on it. He was showing me his music line up and the next thing I knew he was reaching over and touching my breast. I allowed him to continue doing so. He got up and sat next to me on the bed. He started rubbing my tits on the outside of my shirt. He slowly moved his hand underneth my shirt and into my bra playing with my already erect nipples. His fingers twisted and pinched my nipples making me feel things not even my husband could make me feel. My husband would just rub and suck on my tits. This man caused me to have an orgasm just by playing with my tits the way he was. I don't know what he was doing to them but it was a fantastic feeling. He slowly layed me back on the bed where he lifted my shirt over my head taking it off. He undid my bra with one hand, a thing you only see in the movies. As he lifted my bra off me he slowly lowered his head to my breasts and began kissing them,sucking them lightly causing my nipple to become hard as rocks, So hard that they hurt. He started biting on them,I felt something I have never felt before in my life time in having sex. He knew what to do and how to do it to me. I orgasmed again, I have never felt an orgasm before like this. He caressed my body, touching me places,experiancing things I have never felt. What was going on with me? What was he doing to me? This was all going through my mind at this time. He looked into my eyes and we bagan to kiss. He pressed his tongue into my waiting mouth. We kissed like I have never been kissed before. While we were kissing he moved his hand between my theighs and started to rub the outside of my hot,wet,and starving pussy. All of this was exciting and I was nervous. I was about to do something I said I wouldn't do.
I was about to cheat on my husband with another man. But then logic came into play. This isn't realy cheating on my husband,this is just oral sex and if I was to go all the way with him then that would be cheating on my husband.
I tried not to think about it,I was enjoying what I have been longing for. As we lay there kissing each other he slid his hand down my pants. His fingers felt the hot wet moisture that my pussy was emitting from it due to the kissing and from what he was doing to my tits. As he just bearly touched my pussy lips I felt another orgasm comming on. I wished for him to penitrate my pussy with his fingers now. In my mind I said,"Now,give it to me now!" But I never said it out loud. He teezed the outside of my pussy until I couldn't take it any longer and he knew what he was doing to me. Just as I was about to cum,he insurted his fingers into my wet, craving pussy and I orgasmed instantly. I screamed with pleasure. I didn't fake this,what was happening to me. This was real and unbelieveable. I started to rub his cock which I found to be hard and needing to be released. I unzipped his pants,pulled them off and began to lick and suck on his cock. I loved how it smelled and tasted. A man who kept himself clean. I like that. I didn't mind sucking on him, infact I was enjoying it. I was making love to his cock. His cock was about 6 inches,3inches longer then my husband. I took his cock all the way down my throat,causing him the moan with pleasure. I loved sucking on his cock and when he finally came,I took it all down my throat. It tasted so good. I had forgotten how good a mans cum was. But his tasted sweet! And I told him so.
He said it was from the fruit he ate. If a man wants his cum to tast sweet they need to eat fruit. We went on for about 4 hours. I could not believe what was happening to me. I was feeling as I once did before,long,long ago. That feeling was fantastic, I didn't want it to end. I wanted more! I can't say he didn't want more of me,but I had to tell him that I couldn't let him put his cock in my pussy, that was for one man and one man only,my husband. Even though he hardly ever put his cock in me, I still counldn't go all the way with my friend. As it was getting late and I needed to get home. We got dressed and I was so weak in the knees that he had to help me stand. I was drained of energy from all the orgasms he gave me. As we were saying our good-byes out near my car,he came up to me and pulled me in for a kiss and he started to rub my tits again. I almost went to my knees,but he held me up. He asked me,"How's that pussy now?"
As he pushed his hand down my pants and teased my soaking,wet pussy. I said,"Its fantastic!" as I had another orgasm. He let me go,but I needed another kiss from him to last me through until we meet again. I went home,fixed dinner,watched t.v. just like nothing ever happened. I was worn out from the days event,that I went to bed. I called my friend from my cell phone and used my hands free so as I could talk to him real quiet so as nobody could hear us. We talked about the day's event and it made me horny again so while he was talking to me and saying nasty things to me, I was getting myself off. He could hear what I was doing to myself. When I came I had to be quiet about it. I got off the phone when my husband came up the stairs and into the room. I tried to have sex with my husband that night but he didn't want too! But that was okay, I was already satisfied earlier and just a few minutes ago. So I was one Satisfied woman. We kept seeing each other on a weekly bases. Those meetings my husband didn't know about. We would only have oral sex and nothing more. But I know my friend wants more then oral. He wants his cock in that pussy of mine,but I can't let that happen. After a few months I grew tired of holding him off. I wanted to feel that cock in my pussy. I wanted to feel A Cock in my pussy,any cock at that! I was like an animal,I craved cock,and my husband couldn't find his or knew how to use it. So I did the unthinkable, I decided to go ahead and let my friend have my pussy. We started out like normal,kissing and touching each others bodies,Him putting his fingers in my pussy and finding my G spot and driving me crazy playing with that causing me to orgasm multiple times. As he lay on top of my body with my legs spread he took his cock and started rubbing, teasing my clit area. He tried to push his cock into my pussy but I pulled back so he couldn't do it. I tried to resist the feeling but I couldn't any longer. He lowered his head to me and wispered,"You ready for my cock now?" I said,"YES!" He said,"Are you sure about this?" I said,"Yes!" I wanted his cock more then anything now. I wanted to feel his cock inside my pussy. So as he spread my legs open he aimed his cock towards the opening of my pussy and he thrusted his cock into my pussy. I screamed as he did so. I felt like a virgin again,being ripped open. I haven't felt that feeling sense I was 15 years old,when my virginity was taken from me. I wasn't being now but the feeling inside sure did feel like it. They say once its broken it doesn't grow back. Well,I think mine did or maybe it was the bigger cock size that made it feel like it did. We fucked for hours until it was time for my friends daughter to came home from school. Several times when we would see each other he would have to sneek me out of his place while she was in her room.
I didn't expect this to happen. It did and I knew the consequences of my actions. Was I ready for what would follow? "Yes"
My husbands and my relationship just wasn't the same any more. He wanted different things in life. He wanted to be old and I wasn't ready for that yet. I wanted a life,go camping,fishing,just enjoy the outdoors. But he doesn't care for any of that.
In June of 2004 I left my husband of 23 years. I wasn't in love with him any more. I cared about him and for him but, I didn't love him.
I neglected to tell you that several times my husband would tell me that I should have my friend as a lover and him as my husband so he wouldn't have to make love to me. After saying that several times, I ended up doing it. He said for me too! He gave his permission to do so! So I did! He only has himself to blam for this. If he would have taken care of his wife like a husband should, then I wouldn't of had to look else where for it!
I am in love with the new man in my life and I am receiving the love and passion that was not in my marriage. Our sex life is just getting better day by day as we continue to explore our bodies and try to fulfill our sexual fantasies for one another.
We are to be married next year!
Why we didn't hook up together when we first met! He was my best friends boyfriend and then husband. I couldn't or didn't think about him like that way. Now I wished I would have, then I would have been a very happy woman and I wouldn't of had to go out to find someone to give me what I wanted.
6/2/2006 11:36 pm
I would not tell you what to do but after reading your blog it seems to me you tried to do all you could to encourage and entice and please your husband but to no avail. It certainly would not be an easy decision to make whether to feel passion and ignite your sensual and sexual senses again. |
It is true that your husband would feel very hurt if he found out if and when you go ahead with this old friend. Never forget of yourself in the process, has he not deprived you of intimacy for far too long? He knows you have tried many a times to bring some fire in the bedroom and he seemed indifferent. Does he not want to make you happy and satisfied?
If I were in your shoe and I am not suggesting you should do this because you are the only one who has to live with the consequence, is I would welcome this opportunity to feel alive and to taste again my womanhood.
Talk with your husband if you haven't already about the lack of passion and intimacy in your marriage. Ask him if he is content but tell him you are not.
You deserve some happiness too! I think of how we humans are made to feel love in it's many forms. Forgive me if I have said something to offend you. Good luck to you and I truly hope that passion comes into your life again! As you have heard the saying "this is not a dress rehearsal", we only have this life to live now.
6/2/2006 11:49 pm
Oh please. You WERE cheating. Call it like it is, please. You were cheating on your husband the moment you flirted with this other man. The biggest sex organ on any human happens to be the brain. If you still have doubts about whether you were cheating, then just tell your husband what happened and watch his reaction. That should clarrify any confussion.|
It's sad that your husband does not want to fix himself. He probably doesn't even see the situation as a problem. I would suspect that most men don't.
I woke up one unemployed Friday and wondered what I would do that evening. "Look for sex" was not on the Top 10 List. That woke me up that something was "wrong". Since I had no job I headed to the local library and did some research. Slim pickings.
So, I headed to the private community libray known as Barnes & Nobles and found all kinds of stuff. I bought the book, "The Multi-Orgasmic Male" and started "exercising".
I discovered all sorts of things about myself. I had no idea I was BREATHING WRONG! There were other issues I needed to fix as well. Within 3 weeks, I became a raging hormone. I found a nice lady and she received the full benefit of my new sexual power. Well, at least unitl the second hour or sex, when she could not take it anymore and had to stop me. I was never so happy about my sexual performance. I was "cured".
Go get the book, "The Multi-Orgasmic Couple". It's the same as the book I read, except it has sections for females. If you can get your husband to read and learn, he might just give you what you need.
Good luck, whatever way you choose to solve the issue.
4/21/2008 12:34 am
23 years of marriage, I can identify with that. I can identify with the no sex situation as well. She started with having pain during intercourse, so since I have an aversion to hurting someone, having sex with her was not exciting, and not something to look forward to. So, over the last 10 years, yes 10 years, we had sex maybe 10 times. I don't really want to get divorced, but I do want a woman friend for sex. I really don't care if she finds out, it does not matter. I am not interested in another marriage. If I become single again, I will stay single. So, what do I do in the meantime, masturbate, I go to porn stores, and jerk off. What you are describing, is almost a fantasy, orgasms, kissing, the excitement of relationship. I really think that I have been stupid in the last 10 years, to be even concerned about cheating. What kind of a life is it, without the sex, the intimacy? It is hell on earth. It is also my choice, and that makes me feel really stupid.|
I have a lot of energy, and still get a hard-on that I can hang a wet towel on, so I feel like an old car with very low miles, unused, trying to maintain the paint job. But, I am not happy as a result of that. I was on business in Alaska, and as I was taking a walk, started talking to a hooker, and took her to my apartment. It was terrible, I was glad to give her the $100 just so she leaves. I could not stand her, she was not clean, had pimples on her body, and she disgusted me. I tried to penetrate her with a condom, and with the least amount of skin on skin, but it was too much, I could not reach an orgasm, and simply stopped.
I thought that maybe i was different, that I was gay. I do get aroused seeing a man play with himself, and having a hard on, but that is the only thing. The male body is not arousing to me. I think that the right woman, that can still get a wet pussy, and likes to suck a man's cock would be the solution for me. I would love to experiment, like the man that was playing with your tits, and making you come. That is actually interesting, because I would really like to be able to turn on a woman. I think it is a form of communication, and some guys are good at creating the physical turn on. I kiss my wife on the mouth, and nothing happen. Like if she was dead inside. This is the worst experience anyone should have.....