Philosophical Conundrum or Just a Myth?  

lonelyinny5 43M/41F
131 posts
7/20/2006 10:20 pm
Philosophical Conundrum or Just a Myth?

Did you ever have a friend with whom you had awesome sex? A guy or gal who you decided you would share a "no-strings" sexual relationship with but enjoyed spending time with one another as well? You think and see the world through similar vantage points; share the same twisted sense of logic and find humour in the same things other find strange or not funny at all. To further add to the complexity, you have this sexual chemistry that is unbelievable. You get turned on by the same things, that others may not like and the physcial attraction and chemistry between you, whilst totally inexplicable, is undeniable.

Contrary to most male egos, the brain is the largest sex organ we human's have. For most mature people, really good sex will be based on attraction which originates from within your brain. Whilst an attractive appearance is the first thing that will catch your attention if they don't have an attractive personality and aren't up to par with your intellectual and professional standards then chances are you'll be turned off and move along to the next sexy person who catches your fancy. Research shows that the one common "thing" that both men and woman report as most important characteristic in a potential mate is an "attractive personality". What comprises an attractive personality to one person may be grotesque to another. The personality you find attractive is composed of overt characteristics (ie appearance), subtle nuances (ie personality traits) and even miniscual molecular signals which others may see or process but for some reason, probably a combination of both environment and genetics, your brain processes as positively reinforcing thus releasing pleasure hormones in pleasure centers in your brain leading to the end net result we call "attraction".

To have great sex with someone then, we need not only be physically attracted to someone but we also need to be mentally attracted to them as well. So, if we wind up with someone who is physically, mentally, intellectually even biochemically what we are looking for then how do we maintain an emotional distance as well? Isn't it natural to enjoy and desire to spend time with a person we have so many strong connections with? And why would people intentionally deny this connection?

I suppose then this is what I call a timeless conundrum. When you find a lover with whom you have great sex chances are you are not only attracted to them physically but in other deeper ways too, ie mentally, spiritually, intellectually etc. That said, is it really realistic to think we can truly maintain an emotional distance from someone whilst being close to them in so many other important ways?

Then when emotions begin to get in the way, what do you do if a relationship isn't possible (ie Romeo and Juliet who were forbidden love because of rivaling families or translating in 2006 lingo, cultural differences which sadly but realistically keep lovers apart)? Do you continue to enjoy the most of the time you can have with each other or do you end it in an attempt to spare one another from eventual heartbreak? In the end, is it possible to have a relationship that is truly physically satisfying and expect there not to be any emotional connection? Or is the idea of a truly no-strings attached friendship not a conundrum then but simply just a myth?

Searching for my fairytale: Passion & intimacy tied together in a warm, wonderful friendship

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