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Jealousy...what purpose does it serve?
Jealousy...what purpose does it serve?
I've had friends come to me over the past couple of years and tell me their tales of how their spouse or significant other, boyfriend or girlfriend had "cheated" on them. When I inquired further about this "cheating" I never really got any definite response other than my friends felt "threatened" by this other person that was "invading" their so-called perfect relationship.
Threatened...what does that mean? How could you feel threatened by someone when you really haven't had any kind of contact with them other than this person is involved with your spouse...
Upon further investigation into these terrible incidents it became clear that what my friends were experiencing were pangs of jealousy if not full blown jealousy. Wow, what in the world is that all about? Jealous? I would ask why they felt jealous? They really couldn't pin point so we explore further...
Has a specific contract breach occurred because of this other person? Was a monogamous relationship established early on and the "rules" set out where both parties understood that the inclusion of another person was not allowed? Why do you feel insecure about yourself, about your relationship?
Oh, I could go on and on...but the hardcore reality of it, I find it most difficult to be jealous...oh sure, every now and then I feel the pang of jealousy but usually upon closer examination it is simply a feeling that something I treasure or hold dear is being threatened by someone or something that is not what they portrayed or how I perceived them to be...again, an insecurity of sorts...circumstances can bring these feelings out in full blown porportion...
I think back on when I was married...supposedly in a "monogamous" relationship with my sexless husband...I recall how I used to wish that I would come home and find him screwing another woman in our bed...oh yes, I really did hope that his sex drive would suddenly come alive and he would find that his cock fit in more than just one cock pocket (pussy)...but alas, he never did stray...though he did confess once that he let one of the gals that worked for him suck his cock one time when they were working late and drinking...I never did share with him how much that turned me on, that kind of reaction would have totally be "improper"....but you know what, I look back and I realize I was aching to come out...aching to come out of the closet that I was a true blue swinger!!!! Not to mention a full blown Nasty Gal!!!!
Anyhoooo...I digress...I was explaining the mindset I have regarding jealousy...that green-eyed monster that just brings out all that we don't want to see in ourselves...I look at jealousy as a combination of all the ugly feelings we can have about ourselves...the insecurity in ourself as a person, the insecurity of our relationship...the fear of what we don't know and don't understand...the inability to really sit down and communicate what is going on...jealousy can really paralyze a person which to me is very crazy but then we could go into the directions of a person being "reactive" as opposed to "proactive."
So, am I a jealous person? I really don't think I am...if I feel a pang of jealousy I look within and ask why I'm having that feeling at that moment about that person...it usually comes down to there being something about that person that I don't like or have a bad feeling about...it really has nothing to do with the person I'm in a relationship or friendship with other than they haven't done their best at making me feel secure in that relationship...so, yes, it can be a two-parter...
So, to all my monogamous friends, I feel for you...but in all honesty if a person makes you feel that insecure that you are jealous of someone else...I would definitely question the validity of that relationship/friendship...but that's just my take on jealousy...I'm a realist...there is always going to be someone out there that is prettier, sexier, better looking ass, better looking tits, better hair...taller, skinner, fatter...there is always going to be someone out there that is something that I am not...that's reality...I like to concentrate on being the BEST person "I" can be...when I'm projecting the best I can be, difficult to be jealous of someone else!!!
Then there are the DRAMA addicts...but that's a whole other blog post!!!!!
8/8/2006 6:06 am
In my book jealously only serves as a wedge between two people...which often finishes a relationship that wasn't "threatened" by anything...or one...to begin with other than the jealously itself. Either someone wants you or they don't and if they don't nothing you do will make them want you but jealous things you do WILL drive them away.|