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How did we all forget how to share nicely??
How did we all forget how to share nicely??
Jealousy... Sharing.. Respect.. What happened to all the lessons we learned in kindergarten
Have had a few conversations with friends lately. Seems that the same issues affect our lives more often than we think.
Jealousy - Who is the only one who can do anything about being jealous? It is really an interesting question. Maybe it turns more into what we consider to be possessions, and how we share with others. But one thing for sure, it's only ourselves who can solve our jealousy. We live in an evolving society, moving and changing faster sometimes than we can ever keep up with. But I have to admit there is a great book out there. Found it summarized on a web site. I am giving you a link here, and will copy a bit of it into this writing..
These are the things I learned.
1) Share everything.
2) Play fair.
3) Don't hit people.
4) Put things back where you found them.
5) Clean up your own mess.
6) Don't take things that aren't yours.
7) Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
10) Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11) Live a balanced life.
12) Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.
Number 1 though is SHARE EVERYTHING.. but we must also be ready to find out that there are others who don't reciprocate. They will take advantage, but we have 2 choices: Stop sharing or continue to share only with those who respect sharing. Often we find it easier to put our mind around material objects that we share, but sharing is much more, it includes relationships too. I think it seems to be more and more apparent that the long term monogomous relationship is not as common any more. We instead find that we have more than one person that we share life's pleasures with, but this must be done with RESPECT and without JEALOUSY.
Respect is a term so loosely thrown about, but it seems that most people can't understand why when they don't show respect they don't get it in return. Now some of you are going to be upset at this point, but please read on. I am not saying that you don't get respect becuase you don't give it. There are alot of people who are users.. they use people, take what they can from them, but give nothing back in return especially respect. But you can feel good about yourself when you continue to respect others till they themselves force the loss of respect from you. Then it is in their ballpark to earn your respect back.
Many of us even get so involved with our jobs that our social and life partners become jealous of our work. Hate to say it but unfortunately to keep your job sometimes you have to go above and beyond. What we do learn is to work hard and play harder. But the day to day work must be balanced with your relationships. This comes back to showing respect for your friends, partners et al.
There is an interesting book that read years ago that looked at the whole premise of Jealousy, Respect and Relationships. Don't let the title scare you off. It has a tremendous amout of great common sense information in it.
Here's a review link.. and an exerpt from the review..
The authors want to repair this social problem, first by re-examining the whole proposition that being a slut is a Bad Thing, and then by laying out some groundrules for ethical slut conduct. Early on, therefore, they define the ground they plan to rule:
In most of the world, "slut" is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It's interesting to note that the analogous word "stud," used to describe a highly sexual man, is often a term of approval and envy....
And then they describe how they plan to rule it:
So we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite.
Not only do your authors have a very high regard for sluts, but it turns out that they could really be poster grrlz for Sluts Un-anonymus because they've been extraordinarily sluttish themselves, and they've had an extraordinarily wonderful time doing it, too, even though they've taken their lumps as every pioneer must do. So when they talk about what it means to be ethical, or promiscuous, or sexually adventurous, or a parent, you know they've done their research on the sheets, not in the library; when they explain how it's possible to be a slut with lots and lots and lots of sexual partners and still maintain an honest, loving primary relationship, you know they speak from experience; when they lay out their Ten Commandments of Sluthood, discuss obstacles to attaining your desires and ways to overcome those obstacles, or examine the ever-debilitating problems of feeling jealousy, you know they know whereof they speak.
One of the features that makes The Ethical Slut so valuable as well as entertaining is that long before you've finished reading the book the chances are good that you'll agree with the authors. And more important than agreement, you'll learn valuable lessons. If you're a good slut already, reading a narrative that elevates sluts to the higher planes of humanness can free your mind from a history of other folks' constraints; if you're not yet a good slut and you've a mind to be one, reading this book can let you improve upon your situation while learning to feel good about yourself; and if you don't want to be a slut and you're reading this paper, it's almost inevitable that you already know some sluts, so reading this book will help you help your friends to live richer, more rewarding, and/or more honest lives. Because underneath the authors' discussions about sex and honesty and communication is a subtext of rather spiritual dimensions. Now, by spiritual I don't mean all that namby-pamby stuff they taught you ain Sunday school that you had to parrot back in church; I mean, instead, what D.H. Lawrence referred to as the "aristocracy of consciousness." Because for the authors, it is not enough to be a slut, one must be an ethical slut, and to be truly ethical requires not that you follow someone else's set of rules, but that you know and be able to follow your own. Then, as the authors of this charming handbook note, "any sexual pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities."
Enjoy folks... Image