guaranteed image killers in an email or a profile  

literoticat 51F
173 posts
8/10/2006 9:35 am

Last Read:
9/30/2006 12:43 pm

guaranteed image killers in an email or a profile

feel free to add your own

1. telling me in your name, your profile title or your profile that you want sex because you are lonely and cannot get any

2. Immediately stating that you are younger in spirit than your years

3. telling me that you might let me suck your dick ( oOOohhhh gllllllory!!!!!)

4. telling in your profile that as an applicant for your hairy backed affection, i 'Must' wear a certain clothing, 'must' be submissive, 'must be willing to move if a long term relationship ensues-(oh be still my beating heart!!!!) 'must' wear what you buy her. to me you sound like a slave owner, please get a time machine or move to burma.

5. Offering the services of your significant other AND your pet for sexual gratification.
Nope. I'm not kidding... got a photo of both

6. Sending a non-photo-included email with a profile that says you will fuck anything and the words, I WILL BE IN TOWN ON FRIDAY FOR YOU TO LICK AND FUCK. Oh my gosh. Friday!!!! I have to get a new dress. Crap I hope he likes my nails.

7. (i'm just pulling these from my email guys)
sending a quick second email saying i'm a bitch for not wanting to meet you. Now I'm sure i don't even wanna talk to ya. good job.

8. seriously, and this is important, you have to talk about you, your likes, dislikes, what your humor is about, your philosophy before you tell someone what you are looking for. Most women on here don't need another blank personality. you have to work on making your profile something that will make a woman want to write you back. if you put 20 typos in it, or just complain that they're are no real women, I promise you no real women will write back.

9. the people that have gotten my attention are
people who read my articles or blog and comment, people i meet in group rooms, people that show in their email to me that they've read and understand my profile in what i'm looking for, and somehow believe they are it and people who are genuinely low pressure, patient and kind.

i'm not a rocket scientist. i'm not a doctor.
i'm not aunt jemima. but i am...
eternally
your ol buddy
jessica

ps. and remember- every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten... so thanks for this nice fur coat.

purrrrrrrrrrrrrr


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
8/10/2006 10:15 am

Hmmm... I'm a cat person... but I'm not getting any (by choice). Tough titty, kitty!

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_aboutme66 51F
6047 posts
8/10/2006 10:20 am

Sending a phone number in the first email. Are you kidding me !! Do you honestly think I'm going to call !!
I can almost understand sending thier email addy, because as a standard member I can only reply to so many a day. I just keep thinking they are doing it to be considerate. lmfao. Well a girl can dream can't she.

Donna
Someday is today.


literoticat 51F

8/10/2006 10:28 am

    Quoting rm_aboutme66:
    Sending a phone number in the first email. Are you kidding me !! Do you honestly think I'm going to call !!
    I can almost understand sending thier email addy, because as a standard member I can only reply to so many a day. I just keep thinking they are doing it to be considerate. lmfao. Well a girl can dream can't she.
yup about, that's a good one- sending me your full name and or a phone number, you have some issues. it's startling to see how uninterested some are in protecting their identity. while i'm not a serial killer or an indentity thief, i could become one easily here at AdultFriendFinder.

also, i do NOT wish to bash guys in general. i've recieved equally unappetizing mail from females but we know it's 1 - 20 so a great deal of my examples are male.
also, i have to say that i've enjoyed speaking with many many and have agreed to meet in person several. those that ended up closer ... ahem.. can be counted on one hand with fingers left over.


rm_bkwrmgurl 49F

8/10/2006 11:25 am

I'd have to say that my all-time favorite received e-mail said...

"You are very cute, and I have large testicles."

Mmmkay!


SpiceVarixBeast 59M
898 posts
8/10/2006 2:52 pm

Oh my dear sweet Jess!

You are my idol!!!!!

Lessee...#1. Never will
#2....Guilty on occaision...seem if you over 40 some folks think you're already dead.
#3. Never have, never will.
#4. The only thing you have to wear is your birthday suit.
#5. Need professional help.
#6-7. Just goes to show you how stupid some boys are.
#8. Gotta disagree here. I have wasted too much time with long emails only to get no response to spend a considerable amount of time writing War and Peace and the musings of Plato only to be ignored. To borrow a phrase from aboutme66..let's just meet and see. Then we can discuss humor, politics, philosophy, weather, dogs vs. cats and whatever. I wouldn't waste my time with jerks either, but someone who is polite and respectful ought not to be ignored either.
#9. I think I've done that to a certain degree

If you haven't done it before, try switching genders and doing a search to see what us guys have to weed through.

Love ya Jess!!!

Killing kittens daily for 36 years


literoticat 51F

8/10/2006 7:13 pm

    Quoting SpiceVarixBeast:
    Oh my dear sweet Jess!

    You are my idol!!!!!

    Lessee...#1. Never will
    #2....Guilty on occaision...seem if you over 40 some folks think you're already dead.
    #3. Never have, never will.
    #4. The only thing you have to wear is your birthday suit.
    #5. Need professional help.
    #6-7. Just goes to show you how stupid some boys are.
    #8. Gotta disagree here. I have wasted too much time with long emails only to get no response to spend a considerable amount of time writing War and Peace and the musings of Plato only to be ignored. To borrow a phrase from aboutme66..let's just meet and see. Then we can discuss humor, politics, philosophy, weather, dogs vs. cats and whatever. I wouldn't waste my time with jerks either, but someone who is polite and respectful ought not to be ignored either.
    #9. I think I've done that to a certain degree

    If you haven't done it before, try switching genders and doing a search to see what us guys have to weed through.

    Love ya Jess!!!

    Killing kittens daily for 36 years
Dear KKR1
i understand your point of view but i'm a woman. while i am very into self defense- .. i'm not exactly welcoming the chance to use it. I'm a pacifist and I have alot of emotional anger at the administration that could accidentally uncan my whooopass. Meeting someone, even in public, before i feel comfortable with that persons' personality- ie, does his emotional baggage fit neatly under the seat in front?? -- seems unsafe for me and destined to leave me stuck having many cups of coffee or glasses of wine with folks i'd no more wish to be near than a rattler.
so talk to death??? no. talk a few times, in email, in IM to find out what makes you go all kittywompus??? yeah. i think it's worth the guys time. i mean.. i've heard.
ahem.
and i do feel for ya. women are the minority, nice women, unicorns, and hot looking nice women, well, there's jennifer anniston, jody foster and me*.
-hee
*i'm a kidder. i kid.

ooh... thinking about jody foster, jennifer anniston and me....
uh... i have to go kill a kitten.
it is to laugh.


rjmaggie 50M
730 posts
8/10/2006 10:32 pm

Jess - Love the biting sarcasm!!

"as an applicant for your hairy backed affection" - and, passing up such a fun Friday invite - how do you do it? Wow - LMAO.

Keep on writing - your blog's a fun read and so informative.

rjm


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
8/11/2006 9:00 am

I am personally responsible for at least a half-dozen dead kittens this week...

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_OZAUKEEFUN 45M/39F
34 posts
8/11/2006 1:46 pm

Wow. Good stuff. While I don't honestly think we've been guilty of any of those things, we sure have been the recipient. Early on, we had to add "no single guys" to our profile in order to slow down the number of E-mails we got. But it doesn't stop them all. One guy sends us the same copy and pasted E-mail EVERY THREE WEEKS! We're tempted to respond back, set up a meeting place in a restaurant, then not show up. Then we'll set up the same meeting with him three weeks later. I bet he'd show up too. We wouldn't.

What about the lovely folks who tell us they can fuck all night long? Really, all night? Honestly speaking, we don't have time for that. We have kids and regular lives. There is no time for an all-night fuck fest. An hour or two would more than suffice. Next time we might ask the guy for a video of himself going all night. Can a guy jerk off for eight hours? It might be fun to fast-forward and see him try.

We never got photos, but we once had a couple from Illinois who wanted to drive up and have sex with our dog. They wanted to do it out of state, so as to be discreet. We wrote them back and said that we had talked to our dog, and that he had declined due to the fact that he'd been neutered. So he wasn't interested. That couple never wrote us back. Oh well.

Let us add one more thing. Don't be so fricken' pushy! We know you're horny. But just because you see us hop online, doesn't mean you have to send us ........ two seconds later. Constantly hounding us is a sure sign that you will be killing a kitten tonight. Because you won't be meeting us anytime soon.


rm_OZAUKEEFUN 45M/39F
34 posts
8/11/2006 1:46 pm

P.S. There's a solution to the hairy back. It's called "Nair For Men."


cahaldo2 55M
28 posts
8/11/2006 7:32 pm

LOVE your sense of humor, Dr. Jess!
Made me laugh and it makes good sense too!
Would love to chat sometime, adn I don't own any dic pics either!

dpc


literoticat 51F

8/13/2006 9:27 pm

hi cahal and you guys. Thanks for commenting. it makes me tingly to know someone reads.
Well i wouldn't say nude fotos are a bad thing- i just don't wanna meet someones dick before i meet them. I mean... later on, way later on when i ask what you're wearing... a pic like that is a hit.
it's just- what does it say about you if you're profile- all about you, is your hard cock? I KNOW I KNOW... someone will say- YES it's all i want to see.
Maybe it's the gals wanting multi partner parties and hubs getting someone to bring home to the horny wife. Nothing wrong with that that lots of latex* won't cure, but it's not my thing.


cahaldo2 55M
28 posts
8/14/2006 8:28 pm

...and a sensible woman you are too! I think: Hey, if it's so straight and easy to meet and get her laid, would I want to stay with this woman any longer than us getting our rocks off??? What happens after the climax? What would you talk about, and for how long?
I dated a woman who would rock my world with sex, but after it was all over I could hardly wiat to hit the door- She was okay with just sex. Good for her, bad for me. After about 3 dates, (yeah, it was all about that)all I could see was the highway- and she was pissed when I broke it off.
I did her a favor, and myself too. I thank me for that, and she should too.
There's GOT TO BE A CONNECTION for a repeat erection! (Sounds like a poor reference to a famous murder case!)HAHA!
Anyway, I'm outa here for now... d-


kittys4me2 53M

8/16/2006 10:30 pm

Hmmm??? So thats WERE those kittens have gone!! Fur coat Huh!!Well then,i better get to work.Did i hear you mention that you need mittens and a pair of slippers?

I will have them to you at the end of the month.

Hey,i gota reload...not to mention eating....I do get hungry from time to time!

Frank


Alannc4900 60M

8/18/2006 12:18 pm

God kills a kitten? oooooooo that's sick ... lol

I thought it was the chinese restaurants that got them all.

I think I follow most of your rules ... but I still don't get many replies ...

Maybe I should just go with "Will fuck anything that moves" to make the girls feel special ... *S*


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