Why....Do They Do It?  

lightswitch1963 68M/53F
413 posts
5/10/2006 4:45 pm

Last Read:
5/18/2006 7:40 pm

Why....Do They Do It?

I am sorry, but this will probobly be long.
Thank you yo Papy, you gave me what it took to do this.
When we left my father, it was because my oldest sister was pregnant at 15...and he was the father. He had molested my other sister, too.
We moved in with my mothers sister, her husband, and their 6 kids. I walked in on my uncle having sex with my 15 year old sister. We finally got a house of our own, and the faimly we werew staying with found one around the corner.
When I was 12, my uncle had me sit on his lap to watch tv, and his hand was between my legs. One time, he was laying on his bed, and told me to put my hand in his pocket, and I could keep what I found. What I found was the man didn't own inderwear, and had a hole in his pocket.
My mother never had the talk with us about people touching you in the wrong way.
When I got fed up, we were at the river in a houseboat, and he started up again. This time he asked for my virginity. I told him to go get in another bed.
I told my mother what he did, and she said that with him knowing what had happened to my sisters, he would not do such a thing. In fact, he was going to leave her sister, and move in with us, and be my step-father.
He did move in. Luckily, he left me alone. He slept with my mother at night, and when she went to work, he would choose one of my sisters to sleep with. He got my oldest sister pregnant, and married her.
They got married when I was 16, and he died about a year ago. My idiot sister stayed after finding out he had molested her daughter.
About a year after he married my sister, a neighborhood boy molested me. After my mothers reaction the first time, I decided not to tell. I found out years later that she knew, and did nothing.
Because of what my father did, my mother has let me know all my life that the doctor thought I was a tumor, and she was mad that I was a child. I have never done anything to make her happy. I am a shitty person, a horrible mother, and should not have married Mr.L, because he was closer to HER age. I hate the holidays that require a call to my mother. I make it a point to be the first call, so I'm not the one getting bitched about.
After that, I married a couple of assholes that cheated, lied, hit. That, you have more control over at times. One was harder to get out of becuase I had no where to go. My mom said to deal with it. I regret that my daughter witnessed the abuse from the husbands.
But, in 1995, I met Mr.L, and all has been great. He even put my mother streight a time or too.

TheLilFondler 33F
2576 posts
5/10/2006 5:25 pm

awesome post sweetie... i often ask the same thing... i fully understand... my moms second husband molested me and and my older sister and my mom sat back and didnt do anything about it... and when she finally left him her next boyfreind molested me as well and her reaction to that was "you cant be trusted around my BFs and arent allowed to meet anymore of them ever again" and then she wondered why i wanted to leave her house... it is a question i will never have an anewer to i suppose but one i will always want an ansewer to!!!! *massive huggles

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....

imLadyBambi 58M/50F

5/11/2006 12:50 am

Dear Light,

Mr. Bambi here...

I will send you a personal e-mail with an attachment. It concerns "abuser loyalty" and it explains in detail how an abuser gains control and why the victim continues to remain loyal to the person who was abusive. I'd post it in AdultFriendFinder but it is copyrighted material and I do not own the copyright.

Whispersoftly5 51F
15176 posts
5/11/2006 11:24 am

Well, I'm really saddened to see another victim among the ranks of many I've been reading about lately. It absolutely crushes my heart that you, your sisters and your neice went through that.

Typically, when responding to a post about abuse the main thing that comes out is my anger at the horror of it. I absolutely believe that people who even consider touching a child that way should pull out a loaded gun and kill themselves before they have the chance for their fantasies to evolve and finally act on them. If they don't own a gun they can always go purchase a razor blade and slit their wrists. For those who have committed such heinous crimes against children I believe a back alley, blow torch and pliers taken to their fucking pathetic asses is way too good for them. Sorry for the anger and profanity, but that is how I honestly feel.

What I don't normally discuss is my experience. But I'm going to here because I think some of what I have to say may be helpful to you and I consider you a friend so want to be helpful. I also hope that it may be helpful to others who are similarly situated.

My biological dad is the one who got to me. I won't go into specifics because talking about it brings the memories too clear and I don't care for that - don't want to live in the past with those fucked up memories popping up.

He got me pretty young though I will tell you that. I did not see it coming on and did not know what to do when it did. It took me many, many years to deal with it and reading posts like yours bring it back and the anger back. What I feel is important to tell you and I don't know what you'll do with the information, but I hope you'll consider it is that in my opinion - for me - being around the person who abused me - mentally or physically - was unhealthy.

I ran away and left my Dad on my 17th birthday. I've never talked to him or seen him since. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. To date this makes it easier for me to walk away from other dysfunctional or unhealthy people. Hell, if I can walk away from my dad I can walk away from anybody.

More importantly, it keeps his sick fucked up perverted self and all of his bullshit, manipulations and cruelty out of my life. That's huge and that's important. I could have never made as much progress dealing with my experience as I have had I been around that man - even if he was no longer physically or emotionally abusing me. I just could not have done it and would probably have been dead by my own hand by 18 - I was on the way to being dead - that's for sure.

My concern from reading your post - and I hope you don't mind my saying - is your contact with your mother. Though she did not personally you and based on your post, it does appear she is unhealthy in her treatment of you. I say if you dread calling her - then don't. Don't call her - don't talk with her. That sounds horrible, especially from somebody who is not in your shoes and living your life. Just some food for thought though from a friend. She's your mother and I know you love her, but you deserve so much more in life than what she offers you.

Kisses and hugs sweetheart. Thank you for leaving this post and I hope my words do not hurt you, but instead let you know you're cared for and that a friend wants the best for you. Whisper...

Whispersoftly5 51F
15176 posts
5/12/2006 11:30 am

I just want to apologize for my comment above. It was way too long and not very considerate of the fact you were feeling depressed. I got to thinking on it last night and wished I had not left the comment. I had the best of intentions behind it, but should not have left it. Please accept my apology.


goodatpoetry2 66M
12374 posts
5/13/2006 3:47 am

A very sad story. I'm so sorry.

sexwyounow 50M

5/14/2006 9:11 am

I am so sorry to read what happened to you. I know first hand about these things because I had a girl friend that was sexually abused by her stepfather and her mother knew and also her mother blamed her own daughter for the abuse. In addition her sisters were abused by the same man but did not stand up for their own sibling when she tried to tell the courts. They all said she was crazy.

Well, years later a local news reporter found interest in her and stayed on her story and eventually the asshole was put in prison for the sexual abuse and also he was finally charged for the murder of my friends brother when he was only five years old and somehow the courts were blindsided by this(When the murder actually occured.) He did his "Time and is now walking the streets again. It is such a shame the he is already on the streets after being in prison for only six years and it is also a shame that her mother hated her and blamed her for it all and that her OWN sisters who where abused also did not say or do anything or stand up for their own sister.

So, in many ways I can understand your pain from listening to my friends story, feelings, what she went through and what she was going through when we were still seeing each other and also I myself was physically and verbally abused by my father. Not sexually but I still can understand your pain and anger.

It takes a lot of guts to still stay in contact with your mother after all of that. I don't think I could do that. I to have to be the ONE to call my family first or else they think I am an ass.

Hugs for you hun!!!!!

rm_1rabbit4 32M
11 posts
5/15/2006 1:34 am

yeah thats fucked up my little sister was molested by my moms ex old man i was seven when my mom got a house with the guy my sisters two years younger than me she finally left when i was ten.i can remember being locked out of the house when i was little and dont remember my sister around when the doors were locked gee i wonder what he was doing if i ever see him again!this is hard to write but i was molested by the next door neighbor my best friends older brother at the time that really fucked with me for years i tride to kill myself many times but as far as im concered its just kinda a dream that never hapend i dont think about it ever thats good im over it know and dont try to kill myself any more havent since i was fifteen or sixteen.my older sister was by some other guy she didnt live with us thank god.the guy beat on my mom and she never did anything i was beat to a couple of times i dont remember it hurting though it was just really scary i had night maires and think the whole house was possessed by a demon or somthing but i grew vary stong and learend how to take care of those things only gods power can do that for me ive used it to heal other people my ex girlfreind was i almost killed the guy she had a demon she was diagnosed fifty one fifty she didnt think any one would ever love her again i took it out of her with love and god in like two seconds with a hug i could feel it move through me that was one of the scariest things that ever happend to me i thought it might get stuck in me i saw her suffering like i used to and asked god to just take it out of her and destroy it or at least keep it in me i thought i might be stong enough to control it but as it moved through me i could feel its power it was all most over welming i almost went crazy when it was in me going to god after that they renonced the diagnoses that she was crazy and i thought i might need a cat scan thats when i really started to belive in god when i see the guy that did that to her i can see that shit in his eyes his kids were taken away from them i dont know for what maby just for drugs i hope so.my mother was twice.they say that one out of four women have been and molested i think that is more like half or two thirds.i dont know what makes them do it i think its demons or they were molested and they are only continuing it or there just sick.i dont know what to do about it but if it wasnt against the law i would kill evry one that does this shit over and over.i havent told vary many people this and ive never told anyone i was molelted until know.we are so much more powerful than we can probably imagine it dosnt have to be with god but you do need some spirituality for this i honestly think that spirituality is much more important that religgen i aso think that there are difrent kinds of demons they all prey on people in diferent ways like the demons in the mothman proficies are diferent than these ones.but if you are stong and have god or what ever on your side they cant touch you and there is no reason to be afraid of them.

rm_Bgnrs101 50M/56F
7 posts
5/16/2006 11:30 pm

Hi Sweetie,
Just wanted you to know when I was 40 years old I told my mom about being 6 years old and one of my brothers trying to put his penis inside me and he and another brother repeatedly sneaking in on me in the middle of the night when I was just a bit older. I told her all about it.
She seemed like she understood at first...yeh right! When she ask the 1st brother about what I said happened he totally denied it. And the other brother told her some story about us showing each other our private parts. She believed them! Oh My God! I could not believe what I was hearing. She told me to forget it, let it go and quit talking about it before someone else found out what I was saying.
Well, it didn't take me long to hang up the phone and I have never spoken to her again. Or my brothers and I have told everyone that will listen what happened to me and who did it. I want people that know them to keep their children close if they are around either of my two brothers.
I have had 16 years of theapy now and am on 3 different anti-depressants and one anti-anxiety medication now and will be for the rest of my life. I thank God everyday that I have lived through these horrible days of my life and have came to terms with myself now. I am a much stronger human being than I thought I could ever be. I love ME now. I did not ask for such things to happen to me and will never be able to be part of their family again. And I am glad...

Become a member to create a blog