A new year  

licknhot 53F
5 posts
1/1/2006 4:20 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A new year

So here we are, entering a new year. Everything should start fresh. There is a thick layer of snow. I have just been outside to help remove snow from my sister's car so that she could drive back home. She has lost so much weight in just one week. Her beautiful eyes are swollen from tears and her fingers are white and her hands are cold. Her body is shaking and her heart and puls is suffering from too much adrenalin. She can't eat. Her eyes flicker back and forth. She looks so fragile, my beloved, beautiful sister. She constantly look at her mobile phone. She looks like she is about to run off, her body language is telling me she wants to move, run, flee.

But where to? So she stays in my kitchen and we share a bottle of champagne. I hold her as she cries. I tell her it will be alright.

Truth is I know she never will. I know only too well. I can feel her pain. I have lived that pain.

The pain of betrayl.

19 years of companionship, of laughter, of hardship, of pain, joy, tears and sweat and now, he has betrayed her. Seen someone younger, more pleasurable. Someone who boosts his confidence, gives him satisfaction in the moment and he will leave her, my sister.

All for nothing.

Yes it hurts. It hurts more than you will understand.

Suddenly she has to concentrate on breathing. She has to actively think when she puts one foot in front of the other. My beautiful sister who gave her heart, her life, her everything for 19 years to this man... who chose to throw it all away for what?

I know what he will find.


He will find dark lonely nights and sparks of moments in the sun, but he will be lost without her.

She is as much a part of him as he is of her and once he has traveled the 'full circle', he will be begging her to come back.

But the damaged he has then caused, will not come undone, ever.

Poor, poor stupid, foolish man.

She will go through a pain unimaginable and then she will rise, and her heart will be tougher, harder and that is the real loss that he will have caused her. The loss to never fully love again.

I know this.

I know it only too well.

And somewhere, deep inside of her, the memory of love will always be, but nothing will ever enter fully again.

That is what it does. That is what LOVE is.

Anything else, just is not love.

So think twice friends, before you say; I love you. There is so much responsibility in those words. Love is deep and wants to be committed. Anything else just isn't love. It may be a 'need' of companionship, sex, but it isn't love.

Love is pure. Love is true. Love is to not give up and to want to be with the other person. Love is care. Love is through sickness and health and pain and all shit that hell puts us through.. that is when love shows, shines through, sticks like glue to us and makes us a unity, unbreakable.

Nothing should be able to brake that pure unity. Nothing.

So I hold her as she cries and I feel her pain and I know that nothing will ever be the same for her again.

Something has forever changed her.

A part of her heart is forever dead and she will live with it, but carry a pain that will make the glow in her eyes forever a bit dusty and when you meet her, her smile will not take you in.

Nothing will ever fully enter her again.

Because she has loved.

Only a few of us have.

Only a few of us are capable of true love.

Love will not be stepped upon. It will not compromise. True love wants it all, has it all and will take it all.

I see her drive off in her big blue car. A tall, proud, beautiful woman. Suddenly looking so fragile and small behind that wheel.

She gave him everything.

Now she will take her broken heart and leave him behind and never, ever, be the same again.

My little sister, I could not protect you from this.

A new year has arrived.

A new year to look for hopes and joys.

Love has been broken, but love is.

So take care of it, and each other.

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