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Someone sent these two jokes to me and they cracked me up so I thought I would share:
Santa and the Little Boy
A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
Barbie's Letter To Santa
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake
tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my
holiday wish list for 2005. . .
1) A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have Nylon and Velcro up your butt?
2) Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3) A REAL man. Hey, maybe GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boy toy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to
suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
4) Arms that actually bend, so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5) Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.
6) A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7) A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!
A new, more 2005 persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a mini container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my
very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of
9) No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wreckingmy vinyl.
10) Mattel stock options. It's been 44 years - I think I deserve it.
Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new girl for next
Christmas. It's just that simple.
12/25/2005 10:09 pm
LOL Santa and Little Boy joke was very funny.|
1/2/2006 9:50 am
Great jokes LB, wishing you a happy new year! NSA|