hmmm  

laydbacklover 37M
10 posts
5/10/2006 1:10 pm
hmmm


well its 442 am and its freezing cold wish i had someone warm to hold, guess i wil just have to find my leccy blanky. whats new in life hmmm well i did share an intimate moment with a young lady last week it was a casual thing so yeah not a regular thing fortunatly as she turns out a little phsycho who liked to bad mouth evrybody wich is a shame guess she just needs a little real lovn to show her the way but definately not for me as for the sex well she was pretty drunk enjoyed it but seems im in need of something with a bit more heart, dont know why i always get with these silly girls. pherhaps im too scared to actually go for girls that i like instead of what im comfortable with mind you i still to this day have never picked a girl up maybe thats it i only get with the ones making the effert with me ,hmmm is that a self worth issue or maybe im just a sucker for flattery , still my standards are pretty high and im just not getting the chance to meet new girls and im tired of the clubs here if you could call them clubs i call one skanky,s and thats exactly what it is a skanky backpackers i must be the only guy in this town who has not picked up a drunken tourist from ther ,dont know why cant do it even all my drunken one night stands iv had to have had some repour with them i like to know at least what im getting into or if they even had a heart wich i have been lucky that way until the last one ive never had anything bad to say about the girls ive been with and truly respect them ,but honesty is not doing me any favours or call it cowardness or just knowing they are not the ones seem to make it casual never wanted to waste time with the wrong girl but now i realize how much there is to learn about love and what i want im ready agin but shes not around where are you...i need someone special i need a connection even if it is just sex i need to feel something inside my mind and my heart ,its not just a fuck for me its a special thing that only me and another are experiencing and that makes it special,making someone feel that way even for one night can be so exhilerating if you can do it you dont need to get attached only for the moment enjoy the moment and feelings and go on with your life,no need to feel bed or rejected or even dirty just remember how it felt and it will make you smile everytime or luagh, of course i can only speak for myself and the ladies i have shared those moments with, i alas can not help with your choices as i know how fucked some people can treat you but i dont treat people like shit or mislead them just to get laid be honest if u just want to have a moment of their life tell them dont make them think that you love them you will regret it,this is life you should have no regrets be proud of the mistakes you have made and be proud of the way you have learnt from them, but dont lie to yourself or them, they just might want the same as you to be loved or to be fucked absolutely sensless and not have to wonder about all the shit that we do wonder afterwards,eg i was working with this girl and she liked me now im a big flirt when im working this was driving her mad so we hooked up after many straight forward conversations via sms now i was honest and told her i would like to have somthing casual with her but other then freinds i had no feelings towards her she was cool but she ended up have stronger feelings and she backed right off,i didnt find out she felt this way until weeks later through a freind but she has still never told me this now everynow and then i still share moments with her she nows how i feel about her and how much i respect her for the times weve shared,so you may class this as fuckbuddy or a booty call but i dont because i respect her she is happy to share these moments with me because i make her feel special and she leaves feeling the same way, meaning we have used eachother in exactly the same way and instead of being hurt or misled we share these moments of intimacy knowing that the one is out ther but at least we can pretend to have that love and conection be it for one night we let ourselves go and it feels damn good to feel wanted and respected and not just thought of as a good fuck or being used just share youreself and have no regrets,

yeah im just venting so it may not make sense to you or me but i just had to write it ,be nice dont be afraid to show youre heart one day the right one may just see it ...sweet dreams.

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