|Blogs > ladyinquestion > Gurl without a Cause...|
The strangest blog on here? You decide.
The strangest blog on here? You decide.
I was foolish and lie here once again scarred and alone in the woods. I know what you’re thinking so beat it. No, I didn’t mean it that way. I meant, get lost, you pervert.
Quae amissa salva
(You’ll miss your slave.) (Just kidding...look it up.)
Disclaimer: Don't get it in yer eye. I don't believe any of this...but perhaps these statements will give an glimpse into what a hard breakup can do to a woman...these are from months ago...creative responses to a male friend's even darker musings, done after I told a guy I'd been with for 3 years to hit the road...If any of them happen to ring true, it is purely coincidence. I wish I could put the originals I was responding to on here...but they belong to someone else, just as in many ways, these writings begin to belong to someone else..I have changed a lot in a few months...ah...a glimmer of nice...pretend you didn't see that.
1. I once went out with a man who was creative, sensitive and dependent, neurotic and manipulative. Yes, I must say we had a lot in common at first, yet it was as if he was a mirror in which I could see all my worst qualities reflected and I began to hate myself increasingly more until I could no longer stand him.
2. Any man who will have sex with you is a potential enemy. You don’t know where he’s been and you don’t want to. Same goes for women. A good rule of thumb is, use it, early and often.
3. Everyone is trying to heal old wounds. Lick em bois! This might just work.
4. Human beings never make good heroes. A mouse or a dog, better maybe, but people, as a rule, suck. And any one who needs a hero may as well be ground up and made into hamburger. (I no longer agree with this one after actually meeting a REAL hero.)
5. Giving is the ultimate stupidity, especially if you think you will get something in return. It is more trouble than it is worth and is likely to leave you with an uncomfortable burning sensation. Don’t harbor the illusion that volunteer work will look good on your resumé. The fact of the matter is, prospective employers will think you’re a chump and the ones who would still hire you cannot see beyond the dull look in the eyes of their new, compliant slave. (I was just mad that day.)
6. All people should be devalued equally. After all, crap and people…same water content. And soylent green IS people--and crap. (still true, if people must be devalued...)
7. It is better to align yourself with the god of wine than the god of whine. Remember not where you were yesterday, remember that you’re in some country. ( I just must have been delirius)
8. Life is like a box of chocolates. The good ones are always gone by the time you get to the box, so learn to enjoy the really nasty delicacies that no one else can even stand to look at like sea urchins, congealed duck blood and jelly fish. (Still VERY true)
9. Give as little as possible. It won’t matter in the end anyway. (No longer agree...geez I was mad))
10. Having a soul mate would require that there are souls to share. As I no longer believe in the existence of the human soul, I would much rather find a Skoal mate, someone to share Skoal with through all the good and bad times life brings, and preferably someone who spits well enough to keep it off the floor, for the most part at least. (Kinda funny...How could I have been so cynical though? SKOAL makes most people sick, unfortunately, or it would be a good alternative to a soul)
11. What the Hell is the deal with guys being friends with, starting businesses with, having lengthy conversations in the dark with and even employing their ex girlfriends? What kind of sick, twisted world is it when you can’t just throw away the smelly, husk of the thing you once ingested and kind of liked the taste of. If it’s rotten and past it’s use by date, for Pete’s sake, throw it the hell out or the fruit flies will be all over it. This business of recycling, of finding new uses for old, obsolete junk, the government can have it. Throw it by the side of the road when no one is around to see you do it. (oooh that's just catty)
12. Maybe he’s not actively having sex with her at that point, but you can bet that the first company party where there’s an excuse to get drunk, every day they "work late," is one more chance for your mate’s holiday bonus to be brought directly into your humble stable in the form of three wisemen, Jack, V.D. and Henry the fourth. The immaculate conception is a bible story and you’re Joseph. (This one never happened, but I like the last part a little.)
13. Nothing is more torturous than being told, "I miss you." by someone who is right there in the room with you. What the hell are you supposed to say to that anyway. A blind man would have a better perception of where you are. I no longer choose to be with a broken record man who says things like that even after I tell him how creepy it makes me feel. Date me, don’t negate me. There might not be a better way to kill love than total anihilation of the sense of otherness you once had in relation to your significant other. (Still true.)
14. The other relationship killer that I’ve only newly experienced is when you say, "I love you." and he says, "You do not.".. Do too, Do not, Do too… um, no, really not good to feel like you’re five and fighting over who deserves to get on the swing next or something, when it’s about something as significant as love and you’re an adult. I can’t say the same for the other person, but you are an adult, at least until you fall into that aforementioned exchange. Then you’ve just identified yourself as a hopeless idiot, and that doesn’t feel very good at all. (still true)
15. When he lays on the floor taunting you about how you don’t love him and you only care about yourself, it’s definitely time to move on.
16. And when he wants to hug you and cuddle after that fight, serious thought should be given to the possibility that he just might be a nut. And if he gets indignant and says "fuck you" when you ask him if he derives pleasure from your arguments, then he'd better be REALLY good in bed. Remember, you punch like a girl when you’re bawling your head off. (The last two are just sad.)
17. One of the most eloquent expressions about the human condition ever was that cartoon where Ziggy is just standing there at the edge of a high cliff looking out at a beautiful sky and the hand of some huge being (God perhaps) is just right behind him poised to just flick him right off the cliff. That is the essence of life. You never know what hit you. No matter how many good plans you think you have about how you want your life to be, some asshole comes and lies to you and drags you into his own personal hell or maybe it is just God doing it all for some twisted Mount Olympus type of amusement. It makes a lot more sense that there are a bunch of gods and they fight all the damned time, because one screwed-up demented god wouldn’t be so pissed if he really was all that powerful, or maybe he just needs some time management and anger control courses. And at some point, to get him that crazy, you would imagine that there had to be a Mrs. God or at least some kind of minor deity chic looking to maybe become Queen of the world so she could cheat with a bunch of tiny hairy mortals because she can’t see how god is preferable, as all women are just plain mentally impaired. Everyone in fact is demented, did I mention that the world just needs to be razed? (Just a tad over the edge...I'm lots more hopeful now.)
18. Why can’t the jackasses of the world be made to get some kind of huge, obnoxious tattoo on their forehead, as soon as someone finds them out, so they can’t fool you into thinking their mothers are evil and they are poor babies who deserve your sympathy, so that after they move in with you at your father’s house, because neither of you can afford a place to stay, because you’re too screwed up to work after going out for three years, after all this, he has the nerve to flip you off when you tell him you are tired of doing the dishes every day and cooking and shopping for his lazy self, he flips you off and says, "You don’t understand me at all." If I wanted to date a teenage boy, (18 or older of course). I’d at least want one who would help me around the house and have lots and lots of tawdry sex. (I don't want to talk about that one. Too close to home)
19. If the guy you’re dating switches from looking like a cur who’s been fed gunpowder when he’s alone with you to looking like some kind of freaking shih tzu who wants to cuddle up on somebody’s lap when there are other women around, that’s a clue. Tell him to take his little topknot and his dog show priss and get the hell away from you. (HAHA)
20. If he goes in to hand in your thesis paper to your older female professor (who also happens to be the head of the department and thus has the power of life or death over you, or so it would seem) because you were up for the last four nights writing it and feel like a nervous wreck who can no longer communicate verbally, and he stays in there so long you have to move the car and then says as he’s sliding into the seat, "She’s hot for an older woman." Crawl out of the car and tell him to get the hell away from you. Sleep off your stupor and disgust on a park bench, kick him out of your dad’s house when you do make it home and never look back. He’s not joking about the older woman, wants a mom for a girlfriend, and it turns him on that she has authority over you and furthermore, he doesn’t really give a damn about you, Scarlet. (Again...a little close to home.)
21. If your boyfriend happens to have lower self esteem than you do, just consider it over because, You the man, baby. (Still true)
5/28/2005 10:34 am
This is a secreat of some kind...hope you are turned on...don't lie in the woods...Coach|
5/28/2005 7:05 pm
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