Silent Screams .....  

laceteddy_2001 32F
60 posts
11/19/2005 8:15 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Silent Screams .....

Alas, I Seem to become more and more moody as the winter months roll in (why is it that this is how it works?). Then again, am I truely ever happy?

I found myself up last night pondering my own demise, however I can't do such a thing. I have more self control than that , Though sometimes unfortunately. . Sometimes I find myself wondering how the cool rush of death would feel . . But, again- I simply can't give in despite the desporate wanting for the screaming inside my head to stop....

Anyway things happen I guess... On one hand, I have so many reasons to be happy, but on the other- I have many reasons to be angry, bitter, and down-trauden. . .

I found my mind wandering into what-ifs. . Am I pushing all possibilities out the window waiting for him? What if my knight in shining armor trys, but can't sweep me off my feet because I am swallowed up to my neck in self-pity and loathing.

Will I ever have the family I so crave? watching women and their gorged bellies . Maybie I am painted green in that aspect, as I do want a child.. To carry that little life form for what would seem an eternaty to bring forth bliss to this world..

Tell me, why is it I can't find happiness? that I can't find that prince charming?


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