|Blogs > krambob2 > truth of life|
thursday the wind was magical. you would step out into it and it made you tingle. there was nothing harsh about it. i took my car and drove near a hill that glowed red in the afternoon sunlight and layed down on top of it (the car, that is.) since when i see or feel something fascinating i am always thinking about my life or someone that is a part of my life. this time i thought about my ex.
let me explain my ex to you. she was an attractive woman two years older than me physically, but about ten years younger than me emotionally (at least when we first started going out). the attraction we had for each other intellectually and physically was amazing. she was smart, she was sexy, she had a backbone (well at least i thought she did.) we could talk for hours about nothing and everything. foreplay was two or three hours long and sex was usually longer. we would go on beautiful drives into the wilderness and spend hours lazily playing with each other, while talking about life, the universe, and everything.
then came the emotional childness. she was a very opinionated and what i thought a strong girl should be. but something happened. she became insecure in our love. i love being romantic and i love sharing it with the one i love. she loved it too, but now she would ask a question that would shatter the moment for both of us. these questions usually ran anywhere from if i would tell her if i fell in love with someone else. or what happens if we get seperated for a long time, would my love for her still be as strong (my answer being if we could still communicate and express our love for each other, then yes, it would still be strong, but time and new experiences without any contact from someone makes you slowly start forgetting why your attached to them.) these questions always started when we would start getting romantic. we talked about it and she said she was becoming insecure in whether or not my love for her would last. it got to the point where i would sometimes dread becoming romantic just to avoid questions that had no basis on reality, only basis on her subconscience.
so as with life, time moved on, we got older, smarter, more set in our lives, our thoughts. we tried to salvage what we could from our previously hopefilled relationship (that lasted two and half years) and split up.
but laying on my car in dusty oklahoma with the redish haze of the sun all around me, i was smiling. i was thinking of the great times that she and i shared and the conversations that had no limit to their depth, yet made me tingle like the wind of this thursday afternoon.