Why men act weird, Part 1: The disappearing act.  

klauskissnhug 57M
18 posts
11/12/2005 10:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Why men act weird, Part 1: The disappearing act.

The purpose of this entry is to explain why some men pull a disappearing act after coming on hot and heavy. This seems to be a fairly common complaint of many members here. I believe that women make some common blunders which turn men off and make them run for the hills. I will attempt to identify some of them, and suggest alternate strategies.

Women, generally, do not want to be treated like pieces of meat. Every day I read their advice to lovelorn men: Treat the woman with respect- not like a piece of meat. However, some of these same women do not even consider how it might make a man feel to ask him how big his penis is, how long can he keep it up, and how many loads he can shoot. In short, these questions reduce the man to a piece of meat.

Even if these are concerns of yours, you might try telling the man that you don't care about any of those things. This might be lying, but it's the same kind of lying that men have been doing to you all these years. Men want to get their foot in the door to "see." They figure they can reject later, or just disappear.

A real man is more than a penis, more than a sex machine. If you listen to us, though, we will tell you that we are all penis, and we are basically fuck machines. We lie. We are telling this stuff to you, but it is really directed to other guys.

We lie because we have been lied to. We have been told that our worth and value is in pleasing you sexually. With the stakes so high, no wonder we ceaselessly look for opportunities to prove ourselves. Also, though, since the stakes are so high, no wonder we avoid instances where there is a possibility for failure.

This is the situation, then. We are looking for chances to prove ourselves, and avoiding situations where we might fail. We have them both neatly presented to us on this site all rolled into one. We make the approach, sincerely hoping it will work out. We hear/see/read something that says we are in a set-up, and we bail.

I say that men need emotional safety. Women, if you are to get what you want, must learn how to provide it. We suck at providing it for ourselves, since we don't even realize how important it is to us. There are some things you can do to create it.

Don't talk about your ex. Even if a guy seems cool, understanding, not freaked out- don't do it. Don't test him in this way to see if he's an adult. This makes a guy's electrical system go haywire. He is already in a primal situation, testosterone pumping. He will fight off all rival bulls for the right to mate. Then he has to come across as sensitive and secure, else be branded as immature. Ladies, you ask for honesty and I say that the honest response of a male in this situation is to bellow and bugle a warning.

Don't even ask questions that seem to him designed to evaluate his earnings. Men are so sick of being judged by their money, or lack thereof. If, as conversation dictates, you must ask what he does, emphasize that you are interested in knowing to find out if he is personally fulfilled by his work.

Do not impugn his problem-solving skills. If he mentions a conflict in his life, he is doing so to test you. Do not solve his problem for him. Of course you can. He wants to know if you are on his team. Show loyalty right away. See his side. Take his side. Let him know that someone of his abilities will come up with the thing to do that's right for him.

Men want to come and go. we are wary of claws. Do not let him think that you need a babysitter, mechanic, carpenter, accountant, lawyer, whatever. You might need a lot of help. Now is not the time to mention it.

Men are nervous about being overwhelmed by female sexuality. You don't need to mention that you need a man who is physically fit enough to make you come as many dozens of times as you require. The fallacy some women operate with is that by being up front about these things, they'll have a better chance of getting what they want. Not true. Being up front actually weeds out a lot of guys who COULD meet your needs but get anxious about their ability to do so. They feel overwhelmed early and fear being judged as inadequate.

It's fear that makes men disappear. We men do not like to acknowledge or admit our fears. We just disappear, ego intact. You women have got to find a way to anticipate his fears and placate them early. I have identified some of the major ones. If you just want sex, you must find a way to assure him that you are not attached to him performing in any particular way. This is a lie, but it will get you together with more men who CAN fulfill your desires, who only needed a little bit more emotional safety in order to do it.

Jusdewit8 53F

11/12/2005 12:15 pm

WOW......I think you have surely jus explained to me why I keep getting stood up all the time.......I'm freakin out on this.....I'm gonna have to get back with you and see if you can help me figure out what I need to do...........DANG...........I have no experience at doin stuff the way you have suggested......I'm gonna be all ears.....THANXXX.....will send ya an email soon....Jusdewit8

I used to be Snow White -- but I drifted. ~~~Mae West

guynamedjim 58M
729 posts
11/13/2005 10:42 am

In the battle of the sexes. I think we have lost our minds in relating to one another. Problem is elevated expections, and not seeing the positive in people/both men and women! Boy! times have changed I can atest to treating women with respect and being ignored and disppearing from the equation. Sad reality. Think everyone needs to wake up! and get some ADULT skills that go far beyond sexy illusions to dialoging that we build bridges to one another and not destroying bridges because were actually like toddlers only wanting our share! Relationships are mutual! When we travel down one way streets we miss much along the way. So much for urban culture via HOLLYWOOD, magazines, etc. etc. GREAT POSTING

GYM out!

Jusdewit8 53F

11/18/2005 8:36 pm

Well Klaus,I really believe every bit of your post here.I was really freaked out about the implications for a couple of days.
I don't THINK I talk about my ex,I'm not into earnings so I know I don't do that,I didn't know men throw ya test "problems" and I'm a helper so I flunked that,the claw thing I NEVER do,and unfortunately I do enough of the sexuality blunder that I surpass all those other things put together with that one thing.

I added a link to this blog entry of yours over in my blog,and asked for comments.There have been enough in the affirmative to make me realize I do have a problem.

Unfortunately,the problem is me.

I fretted over what in the hell I was going to do to change the way I come across in my profile.The whole time,I was also remembering the guys that have shown up to meet me that were no where near the kind of thing I need.The last guy I met got about a 15 minute blow job,and then donned his raincoat,I flipped onto my belly,and he came in less than a minute.
Ever burning in my memory is one of my initial meets,who claimed he could go 4 hrs,yet 3 different times,he never lasted even 10 minutes.I spent far more time sucking his cock hard again than I ever did actually having sex with him.In between these two guys,were a majority of others jus like 'em.I've met 3 guys that can really rock my world,and 2 others that get real close.I'd be a happy camper if 2 of those hadn't moved away,another didn't live in Dallas,and another have a child to care for by himself.Not lookin for sympathy here,jus tryin to reveal my current situation...

ANYWAY-here's the deal...I've changed my profile here and there several times,but I always keep the same basic message I'm tryin to make these guys understand,and that is that average won't cut it.I don't know how to say that w/out sounding bad,like I think I deserve it or I'm so good or something,but that's not it at all.I'm jus a difficult case...I don't like to get oral,and I spent 5 long years prior to this with a rubber cock for a best friend,so not lookin for toy action either.

I feel like I'm gettin too carried away w/info here,so I'll try to close 'er up.What you wrote makes perfect sense.I'm sayin all the wrong things.Yet I'm still getting too many of the wrong guys.I'm not at all willing to encounter even more!The struggle of that in my head is what made me swing off with my last tirade,and now my profile is even worse.I don't even like it myself right now!It sounds way too bitchy.But the thought of entertaining even one more guy that can't hang makes me feel like I'll be dammed if I sweeten things up,and make it seem I'm somehow easier to please.

I don't know what to do.I'm really thinkin it's best to jus give up.I take it really bad inside when things happen like they have,like I've been tricked,jus so they could fuck me.I really think a man knows what he's capable of.It makes me really angry when I've been so outspoken about what I need,and knowing what they know about themselves,and what I need,they show up anyway.I jus don't know what to do....

I used to be Snow White -- but I drifted. ~~~Mae West

rm_freevibect 35M
3 posts
11/23/2005 6:36 pm

Not that this explains it all or even most of it, but there's also a big biological component involved in terms of how men's brains are wired. For the guys: think about when you're horny or about to climax and how appealing or into any woman you feel. Now what about right afterward? Not the same, huh? There's some truth to that whole thing about guys losing interest in a woman as soon as they've gotten off.

(insert stuff here about males biologically trying to have as many mates as possible since their investment into offspring is minimal, whereas females try to hold on to mates or create paternal uncertainty to ensure that males will be around for their offspring)

klauskissnhug 57M

11/25/2005 7:55 pm

So, Jusdewit8, I would have in the past tried to get you to be with me, knowing what I knew about myself and NOT knowing how to self-screen. Some of these guys might have relatively innocent intentions- figuring like me that they could make it work. These days I prefer to NOT have my lady be disappointed in me sexually, so I therefore do some pretty good screening of my own. I wouldn't answer your ad today, though I am saddened because I'm left feeling that because of your criteria, you just lost out on a guy that could have given you so much. As I've said, I respect you and what you are looking for- and I empathize with you in your predicament. It's not about you and me, as you know. You already know I have a lot to offer, else you wouldn't have engaged me in the way you have. I'm not saying you should date me. I'm just saying I have had very few bad sexual experiences. One of the things I appreciate about myself is my relative non-attachment to any particular sexual goal of mine. Of course I can be enlisted quite vigorously in the pursuit of HER goals. And I feel it is this issue of attachment that is at the heart of the matter. Ever hear the one, "Everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it?" Anything I can do to support you if you're hurting, just let me know.

klauskissnhug 57M

12/5/2005 4:42 pm

guynamedjim- Thanks Gym, I agree wholeheartedly. I would emphasize the listening part of what you said. What would a woman do if a man asked her what it is like, and then really listened? I mean listened in a way that was not only active, but really pushed through her despair of ever finding anyone that really wanted to understand. Listened in a way that was patient, that accepted any and all her feelings, and that didn't judge, fix, or criticise?

klauskissnhug 57M

12/5/2005 4:47 pm

freevibect- There is a huge biological component to what we do. No doubt! I wonder if that post-ejaculatory distal state in men is at least partly because we've invested so much emotionally into the sex, and then realize that we didn't get our emotional needs met after all. I think that if men learned to communicate what we feel and what we want, and if we men also learned to get our touch needs met non-sexually, it would allow the sex to be sex.

FriendlybutKinky 49M

12/6/2005 9:00 am

I enjoyed the blog and the spirit it which it was written, much of it rings true to me, although parts seem like personal preferences.

I don't mind when people talk about who they have been with before me. Kind of like to know, it gives me insight into someone to know the types of people they have been with.

klauskissnhug 57M

12/8/2005 6:08 pm

FriendlybutKinky- Thanks for stopping by; That's pretty much it: a lot of generalizations, some based on personal experience and some from other sources. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

If there is no emotional attachment to it, it is just information- some of it (like you said), quite useful.

klauskissnhug 57M

12/21/2005 6:51 am

kittyplay4- I have decided to reinvent myself... or at least my AdultFriendFinder persona. I have put all the other posts on "hide" for now. I have turned off my profile for now, as anyone who tries to check it can see. I am going to come back later new and improved. I'm sorry I can't write anything more here at this time. I will check in from time-to-time while on vacation and eventually be back. If one were highly motivated and knew how to yodel one could track me down.

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
12/21/2005 7:16 am

WOW! I stumbled on your post today...and now I wish I could read the ones you have hidden. Thank you for writing it, and I hope you will be back later to write Part II and Part III. I agree with so much of what you said. I feel sometimes that even my husband is intimidated with my sexuality. How hard I try to let him know that the reason I can have 6 orgasms to his 1 is that HE is the one pleasing me! I will try even harder.......hurry back!

klauskissnhug 57M

12/22/2005 1:23 pm

Kittyplay4- WOW! sweet of you to say. Yodelling as in, "Yodel-ay-hee-hoo"... or, "YaaaahOOOOOOOOOO!" or maybe even, "yippie yi kay aye git along little dogie..."

LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
2/18/2006 9:59 pm

Followed JusDewit's link here. I wasn't disappointed. Thanks for the info

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

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