Well now, here I am... Why?  

kizzesgalore 53M
0 posts
3/4/2005 12:49 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Well now, here I am... Why?

I've been a member here for about a week now. During the time here, when my schedule has permitted, I have tweaked my profile. I'm just not very certain about how well my ad is written. The first couple of days it was abysmal. I'd cut and paste sentences around, and one point it was quite the mishmash. I think though that the syntax is correct at least. I don't see any typos, which is a good thing. The contact is truthful, even if it is a wholly abbreviated portrayal of who I am, what I am about, and what I am looking for. And so it now stands.

I have gotten two replies so far. Each asked why I was here. Maybe they were buttering me up, but they wondered why a person who allows himself to feel would be here. Why is a long term commited relationship not the first thing I am looking for? I tend to look for deeper meanings and reasons for everythying. And so their line of questioning got me to thinking. I was married for nearly 20 years. I was wholly monogamous during that time. I have been divorced for almost 2 years, enough time to put away baggage, and heal from the wounds. Two years without sexual outlet wasn't really that hard to do. In addition to other things, I watched my friends who actively dated. What I saw them go through, the headgames, the intrigues, the utter BS, and I just didn't want to go through those things. I still don't. And so I am here because, to my understanding, to be here means that people have reached a level of liberation where they shouldn't feel a need to play headgames, heartgames, etc. That's my theory at least.

Do I think there is some one person with whom I could build a healthy relationship, someone to whom I could be commited for the rest of my days? I sure as hell hope so. What I am not so sure of is whether I shall meet her in this lifetime. What is the real difference between pragmatism and cynicism? I think that I still have some degree of faith in the fairy tale, but a lack of faith in actually meeting her any time soon, makes me pragmatic. If I no longer believed in the fairy tale then I would be a cynic. Ultimately, I am here because like the rest of my Scottish relations, I am pragmatic.

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