The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker  

keithcancook 60M
10828 posts
5/1/2005 11:58 pm
The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker


The only way to become the leading BLOG HISTORIAN on the site is to read as many old posts as I can.

Delving ever deeper into dusty, cobwebby, basements where no man goes. It's lonely down there and the walls can close in on you.

It plays on your mind. Phantoms and ghosts flit about. Archives of the minds of bloggers both known and unknown reappear.

Crackling like old parchment unrolled after untold years, forgotten phrases are remembered once again. Interestingly, many of these topics are still being widely discussed throughout the Land of Blog.

My trusty flashlight has brought light once again to images hovering above an endless array of basement doors. Flickering briefly in the roaming brightness I see the faces, poses, and title pix of posts both interesting and mundane.

One reason that the study of Blog Archeology is not among the leading disciplines in BlogLand University's College of Arts and Sciences, concerns the danger encountered deep in the abyss of blog basements.

Last week, while trying to retrace my steps after my deepest plunge yet, my not-so-trusty flashlight failed. I was left in the pitch black dark, cold and shivering. Shaking and tapping on my flashlight gave me brief glimpses of the long dim hallways.

Nearly blind, I stumbled and clawed my way out, pausing only to eat the waxy remnants of the egg salad sandwich I had in my pocket.

I'm not really sure, time cannot be counted down there, but I think it took me almost week to escape. Something happened to me during that terrifying journey. Something I cannot seem to put my finger on.

As I closed in on the last staircase the light of day beckoned from the crack under the door. Yet try as I may I could not reach it. I felt as Tantalus, with the stolen ambrosia of forgotten posts under my arm, reaching for the branches of freedom hanging just out of my grasp.

I cracked. My mind collapsed upon itself as the personalities within struggled for control of my consciousness, vying to take over my waking mind and spring from the dark recesses of my inner fears into the light of day.

I do not know who I am now. I could be several people, but I only seem to have ID for one. Perhaps that is who I am but I cannot be sure.

I seem to recall glimpses of myself committing horrible crimes by tinkering with history. Adding to the past a voice from the present. But a voice not my own, it being filled with sarcastic cynicism, hurled with venomous glee on the walls of Ancient Blogland like angry teens armed with spraypaint.

Longstanding monuments of BlogLand history are now altered. Teams of Sweepers armed with the power of DELETE will have to be sent down into the Pits of Blog to clean up the mess.

My nightmares also include delusions of grandeur manifested in the persona of one who refers to himself everywhere he goes as The PUBLISHER . This upstart imagines himself as a BIG SHOT newspaper publisher who can lead the masses in revolt against the POWERS oF BlogLand. He is a pompous ass, but in all actuality he is nothing more than a puff of smoke on a windy day.

Yet he is there in my mind, seeking the levers which will give him control of my thoughts. He battles the dark side of my personality and the winner hopes to obtain my mind as the victory prize. Both are egomaniacs and the Psychiatry Department at good ol BlogLand U will soon become hotbed for the study of schizophrenia and similar disorders.

But I, I remain keithcancook . A simple but lonely blogger on an adult web site.

For a little while.

The battle still rages. The only commonality between us is that we all want to get laid.

Am I one
or am I three?
All I want to be
is me.


( We also agree that bloggers should beware of going into basements. )



playfulwithyou33 56F
961 posts
5/2/2005 6:02 am

(once again, flips the basement light on for him) (having received certification in foodservice sanitation) Don't eat old egg salad sammiches, Keith!

(in regard to windy days) Whee, why do you think the call Chicago the "windy city"? (invites all to come visit our lovely metropolis)
Oh, yeah, just as a reminder: you can view the pic on my blog showing WHY CHICAGOLAND IS THE "WINDY CITY" tehe


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/2/2005 6:34 am

There are light switches down there? Are you sure? Some of those rooms have been there since before the advent of electricity!


scubasnack2005 58M/58F

5/2/2005 7:35 am

I knew the field of forensic blogology would be one day recognized. And KKC is one of the lead investigators .. he's with the Forensic Biological Investigators (F.B..

(Oh come ON, surely you guys saw that one coming!)
------
Now, as far as COLOR goes, thankgs for limiting the use of Yellow. Guess it's just me, but I can't make it out well.
----

And as for the direction of this stuff.... Remindes me of Adventure:
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.
Your are in a maze of twisty little tunnels, all the same.

(Yaaaaaaaaaagggghhh... Runs from the basement, snapping off the electric light switch on the way out.)

Somewhere in the distance, KCC stumbles in the darkness and...
(TO BE CONTINUED) <---- Am I getting the hang of it?


scubasnack2005 58M/58F

5/2/2005 7:37 am

OK. That weird little icon popped up. The
Forensic Biological Investigators ( F B I )

(Man, sorta ruined the mood I was trying for)


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/2/2005 9:10 am

I'm not sure where I left that suggestion. I do recall that it was before I became entangled in the basement. I remember passing it as I fumbled around in the dim light of the upper levels seeking escape.

( I suppose there it will lie useless and undiscovered until the first graduating class at BlogLand U enter into their internships and are sent down with the SWEEPER TEAMSto erase the ravings of the LURKER )


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/2/2005 11:17 am

GRRRR! My first post to scuba did not "stick" and now my first comment will have to follow my second comment which will make it confusing to folks who will see the second comment FIRST without knowing that the first comment is right underneath the second comment so why am I outta breath and who wants to comment NEXT?

Comment #1 is reposted below... ( It is the one that came prior to the error that resulted in comment #2 posting before #1 which caused me to become confused as to which was first, the chicken... er the comment that I originally laid out or the altered ones that followed? I sincerely hope that all comments following - preceeding ? hereafter will stick the FIRST time because if I have to add a 3rd or 4th variable into the mix it could become an even worse nightmare than being sightless and alone in the basements of BlogLand. )

Anyway, here is the original comment to scubas comment which was in response to keithcantkeeptrackofcomments' blog post of May 1st which was composed just ahead of the the blog post of March 31st....

....from before the second post I ever did in this blog which followed my very first post ever....

.... when I first decided to create a blog which was actually the 3rd idea I had after aquiring membership and tried profile browsing (did I do that first or second? hmmm) and the chat funtion (which the first time I used for only 5 minutes but by the 4th time I mostly spent 15 minutes in there) ....

....I joined the site after a long acid trip which lasted for 3 months but it might have been during the 2nd semester of my first year of college....

.... I was HORNY

this is the real first comment.... ( I think )

Yeah [blog scubasnack2005] , you have to remember to put an extra space when using parenthesis, periods and commas.

Also, I am so happy that one of y'alls comments has finally stuck once again in my blog. Y'all have been my favorite commenters since I hooked you with my trip to S. Florida. I eagerly look forward to reading your responses.

Hey! Didja see the suggestion I left as a comment for ya somewhere? You guys need to create a blog! I love the way you comment. Your blog should be "loveable" too.

And yes, y'all have the hang of it quite well.


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/2/2005 12:05 pm

Here follows another in the long series of homer simpsonesque DOH's in my life....

Why oh why didn't I simply delete the first, second comment, wait for my copy of my original first comment to post, then repost my copy of my original reply?

Gawd help me, those blog cellars can sure put a whammy on my poor muddled up head!

PS : I sure do hope this here 3rd ( or is it the fourth? ) , reply to the butcher/baker/candlestick maker post sticks because as y'all well know it could launch me into another long attempt to set the chronological record straight.

( am I still down here trying to respond to my responders? It sure has been a while since I got out of this here comment area. It is almost as bad as blog basements in this small little comment box where I have been for the past hour trying to get the bold in all the right places...

... Hmm, I should do a blog on the comment box area of the site. Yes! That is it! It could be my first effort once I put this present funny biznis to rest.

now if only I can find the latch that releases the lid to this dang thing.... oh! oh! ..... hellLPP !


mnfun952 102M

5/2/2005 4:06 pm

The next time you head down into the coal mine, bring your canary....

Shall we go, you and I, while we can?
Through the transitive nightfall of diamonds


scubasnack2005 58M/58F

5/2/2005 4:41 pm

Hmmm. Should have been KCC (KKC was just a typo, or think-o).

And unless I miss my guess, Keith has an xbox, and has a copy of Blinx-the Time Sweeper. A cute little Pussy(cat!-dang, get your mind out of the gutter!) with a vacuum cleaner runs around and sucks up all the fractured time crystals... It is followed by the xbox game Blinx2.

Ummm, the KIDS play it a lot. Not me. I've just heard THEM playing it a lot... And that carpel tunnel syndrome has NOTHING to do with my holding the xbox controls... ((OK OK OK. I just MAY have played it once, but I didn't inhale))

Dang. I just LOVE that little game.


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
5/2/2005 5:48 pm

The denizens of the deep dungeon are following you around, you are casting more than one shadow keithcancook, and you have a funny aura, oh wait... I have my jupiter glasses on again, nevermind....
sharks
the antispam number for this post is 669


expatbrit49 62M

5/2/2005 6:45 pm

Where are you boxboy?

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


Barbiebunny69 43F

5/2/2005 7:23 pm

Does this mean hes a Jack-azz in the box???

Trying to post franticly to free the cookster


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/2/2005 7:35 pm

EXPAT!!!

expat, expat oh my gawD, EXPAT! I just knew it would be you that would set me free.

In payment for this service allow me to offer my assistance when you repaint your basement.

(It needs some touching up here and there)


Lapkin4u 42F

5/2/2005 7:36 pm

Apparently I have grown tired from the screaming "help"! I now am lost again but amused at my findings in blogland and will now go back to my room in the basement and await further instructions. "Roger over and out!"


Crimson959 57F

5/2/2005 8:24 pm

I tell ya it's those sunglasses of yours Keith....that was the problem. Wink Wink...


mi_mwpm 51M

5/2/2005 8:37 pm

I'm too scared to go down into the basement. If I yell real loud from up here, will it help?


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
5/2/2005 10:44 pm

puts some lovely smelling food and wine in a corner,you can sniff your way out


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


hugmekissmef_me 47F
2 posts
5/3/2005 1:37 am

Keith,

It's true. We all just want to get laid? What is the best way to do that? This girl needs a lesson. Been out of circulation too long.


sportyfun56 106M

5/3/2005 6:36 am

ok...
Keith... snap out of it man! ....get a grip, come back to the light, smell the flowers and unspoilt sandwich makings again.
You can get into a time warp trying to place your posts in proper order. Just trust to the ability of your readers.

huny.. take my hand hun, I'll guide you along.

hugme... you need to get on the circulation list of AFriendFinder TATTLER and then you'll get all the info you need for successful circulating... *w*


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/3/2005 10:47 am

I hired MNfun952 to look into this one.


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/3/2005 1:51 pm

Well mzhuny (my little wildflower),

It is a story about a blogger who goes into basements and becomes insane.


rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
5/4/2005 3:06 pm

I thought I was hearing voices but I thought it was just me...whewww!!!


expatbrit49 62M

5/4/2005 3:31 pm

Ok here I am and I was thinking but then again there was this thing that I was suppose to do before the other thing that I came here to do but then again I was about to say that I just lost my train of thought but then again something came to mind so I should do this before I get to what it was I came to do otherwise I may not remember what it was I came to do in the first place which as I have eluded to at the beginning when I first arrived that I was thinking but then again there was this thing that I was suppose to do before the other thing that I came here to do but then again I was about to say that I just lost my train of thought but then again something came to mind so I should do this before I get to what it was I came to do otherwise I may not remember what it was I came to do in the first place which as I have eluded to at the beginning when I first arrived that I am and I was thinking but then again there was this thing that I was suppose to do before the other thing that I came here to do but then again I was about to say that I just lost my train of thought but then again something came to mind so I should do this before I get to what it was I came to do otherwise I may not remember what it was I came to do in the first place which as I have eluded to at the beginning when I first arrived that I was thinking but then again there was this thing that I was suppose to do before the other thing that I came here to do but then again I was about to say that I just lost my train of thought but then again something came to mind so I should do this before I get to what it was I came to do otherwise I may not remember what it was I came to do in the first place which as I have eluded to at the beginning when I first arrived that I was thinking but then again there was this thing that I was suppose to do before the other thing that I came here to do but then again I was about to say that I just lost my train of thought but then again something came to mind so I should do this before I get to what it was I came to do otherwise I may not remember what it was I came to do in the first place which as I have eluded to at the beginning when I first arrived that I was thinking but then again there was this thing that I was suppose to do before the other thing that I came here to do but then again I was about to say that I just lost my train of thought but then again something came to mind so I should do this before I get to what it was I came to do otherwise I may not remember what it was I came to do in the first place which as I have eluded to at the beginning when I first arrived that……………….. I seem to be stuck in a temporal causality loop that every time I press the keithcancook link it comes back here and I am destined to keep repeating the same rubbish for ever.

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/4/2005 5:25 pm

ya fergot da space between color and purple. colorpurple won't work. ya have to say color purple.

Nice choice of colors mzhuny. I can use the thoughfulness that came along with your comment as an aid. I can "see" the purple mzhuny. Just knowing you wanted it that way...


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/4/2005 5:33 pm

expat, I saw the loop forming but I read the whole dang thing anyway. Is that like reading it twice? Or did it loop 3 times? I wanted to make sure that there wasn't a hidden message in there or something considering your recent posts!

Hey expat! Thanks for taking that effort to comment in the spirit of this blog post. It has been noted and will be reciprocated. One day I will write a whole bunch in your blog too.


rm_bluegenes51 56M
245 posts
5/5/2005 10:45 am

If you can cook...what are you doinf with an egg salad sandwich???


rm_EE407 41F
3903 posts
5/5/2005 12:21 pm

Keith hunz... will a ball of wool help you find your way out???? or will it be a trail of crumbs?


Barbiebunny69 43F

5/5/2005 6:26 pm

put a sgg salad sandwich on a leather leash... ???


bbwprowling 45F

5/8/2005 10:15 pm

Puts some M&Ms in a couple plastic hamster balls and tosses them down the stairs - attached to each is a spool of thread and I have attached the ends to the door knob.

Eat the sustinance and feel your way to me, and when you get here- feel me too!


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
5/10/2005 7:10 pm

And now they know how I escaped the basement! My heroine bbwprowling !

(mmmm, this feels really nice)


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
8/21/2005 10:23 am

Very interesting Keith! What an imagination you have.

DustStormDiva


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
9/15/2005 5:20 pm

Aha, playing in my basement are we duststormdiva? Now you know how I became the most insane blogger on AdultFriendFinder!

PS: After reading this I hope you will be careful when you go deep blog diving.


Become a member to create a blog