Great Quotes By a Chauvinist Male  

keithcancook 60M
10710 posts
5/17/2005 9:48 am
Great Quotes By a Chauvinist Male



Great Quotes By a Chauvinist Male

Females are curious creatures. They would rather BUY shoes than wear them.
- pigcancook

Shopping is a device used by females for many purposes. They imagine it makes them feel better when they are down. They use it as an excuse to leave the kids with you. Then gawd knows where they really go. Often women will go shopping for the sole purpose of revenging themselves upon their men by frivolously spending his cash.
- pigcancook

For females crying is like shopping. They use it for many purposes. Often they will cry over something false just to put you off track from what is really bothering them.
- pigcancook

Women are fickle. Take dresses for instance. First they want the blue one. Then they decide they hate it and want the pink one. Just to be sure, they get both but wear neither. They treat men the same way.
- pigcancook

Many females suffer from powderoomophobia. They fear to enter the bathroom alone when out in public and must have at least one other female with them. They like it better when four or more go in together. Gawd only knows what goes on in there...
- pigcancook

Female homosexuals I can understand. Who wouldn't be attracted to those softer and more supple bodies? Outside of the Adonis types, male bodies just aren't as nice.
- pigcancook

Women seem to talk a lot. They are never far from a phone. I took a phone away from one once and the poor thing just fell apart.
- pigcancook

Women are okay cooks in general. I get exasperated with them sometimes though. Especially when they call you to dinner. You put down your beer and go to the table. They bring ya your food and sit down to join you. I'm like, "Hey! Where's my milk? " Then you have to wait while they get back up to get it. Jeesh.
- pigcancook


expatbrit49 62M

5/17/2005 12:51 pm

Great Quotes By Expats

Keith is going to get into a lot of trouble for this
expatbrit49

Man who shoots at woman from the pages of a blog could get nuts in the wringer
Expatbrit50_

I have read some Dumb Ass quotes before but these take the cake (Chocolate of course ladies)
Expat_thebrit

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
5/17/2005 1:10 pm

Yes but as we have seen, [blog keithcanhide] ....


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 1:38 pm

Females are curious creatures. They would rather BUY shoes than wear them...How did he know that?


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 1:39 pm

Shopping is a device used by females for many purposes. They imagine it makes them feel better when they are down. They use it as an excuse to leave the kids with you. Then gawd knows where they really go. Often women will go shopping for the sole purpose of revenging themselves upon their men by frivolously spending his cash.

Naw we say we are going shopping, actually we are meeting someone we met online


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 1:40 pm

For females crying is like shopping. They use it for many purposes. Often they will cry over something false just to put you off track from what is really bothering them..

Ummm, thinking??? PMS?


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 1:41 pm

Women are fickle. Take dresses for instance. First they want the blue one. Then they decide they hate it and want the pink one. Just to be sure they get both but wear neither. They treat men the same way.

LOL, so true!


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 1:42 pm

Many females suffer from powderoomophobia. They fear to enter the bathroom alone when out in public and must have at least one other female with them. They like it better when four or more go in together. Gawd only knows what goes on in there

Hehehe, I bet you do wonder what all us females are doing in there


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 1:43 pm

I have to get back to this later...Gotta go burn dinner


BLONDENEEDSSEX 57F

5/17/2005 2:56 pm

Come over to my playground and see the flipside Darlin hahahahahahahaha let the games begin


expatbrit49 62M

5/17/2005 3:09 pm

LMAO @ Greeneyes, that too funny

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:15 pm

Females are curious creatures. They would rather BUY shoes than wear them.
- pigcancook

Do not I only have 3 pairs of shoes!

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:16 pm

Shopping is a device used by females for many purposes. They imagine it makes them feel better when they are down. They use it as an excuse to leave the kids with you. Then gawd knows where they really go. Often women will go shopping for the sole purpose of revenging themselves upon their men by frivolously spending his cash.
- pigcancook

Boney is a comfort Shopper TOO!

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:16 pm

For females crying is like shopping. They use it for many purposes. Often they will cry over something false just to put you off track from what is really bothering them.
- pigcancook

Ummmmmmm ok well I can't fault you on that one!

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:17 pm

Women are fickle. Take dresses for instance. First they want the blue one. Then they decide they hate it and want the pink one. Just to be sure they get both but wear neither. They treat men the same way.
- pigcancook

I am a denim Gal!

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:18 pm

Many females suffer from powderoomophobia. They fear to enter the bathroom alone when out in public and must have at least one other female with them. They like it better when four or more go in together. Gawd only knows what goes on in there...
- pigcancook

We plot our Conspiracy to take over the Land of Blog!

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:19 pm

Female homosexuals I can understand. Who wouldn't be attracted to those softer and more supple bodies? Outside of the Adonis types, male bodies just aren't as nice.
- pigcancook

lol must agree with you on that one although men do have their benefits
~easily manipulated

ummmmmm well I will figure out the other's eventually

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:20 pm

Women seem to talk a lot. They are never far from a phone. I took a phone away from one once and the poor thing just fell apart.
- pigcancook

I don't use my phone Thats why I have the Internet!

WyvernRose


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 3:21 pm

Women are okay cooks in general. I get exasperated with them sometimes though. Especially when they call you to dinner. You put down your beer and go to the table. They bring ya your food and sit down to join you. I'm like, "Hey! Where's my milk? " Then you have to wait while they get back up to get it. Jeesh.
- pigcancook

lol I can see a very hungry pigcancook!

WyvernRose


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:34 pm

hehehe....let the war begin!


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:35 pm

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:36 pm

What do men and mascara have in common?

They both run at the first sign of emotion.


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:36 pm

What do men and pantyhose have in common?

They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:37 pm

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:38 pm

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:39 pm

Excuse me for a bit, I have to go find some lightbulb jokes


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 3:40 pm

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."


cajunpet 70M
1185 posts
5/17/2005 3:42 pm

Hey Keith, will you hiding out here is a recipe for you to try.

~~~~~Alligator Sauce Piquante ~~~~~

2-3 lbs. Alligator meat

Tabasco Steak Seasoning

2/3 cup shortening

1 cup all purpose flour

1 cup shortening or oil

1 large bell pepper -chopped

6 ribs celery - chopped

2 cloves of garlic - minced

3 large onions - chopped

1(10 oz) can Ro-tel tomatoes -mashed

1(6 oz) can tomato paste

1 tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste

1/4 cup green onion tops - chopped

1/4 cup parsley - chopped

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cut meat into small pieces. Remove all tallow. Season with steak seasoning.

Brown meat in Dutch oven or black pot using 1 tablespoon shortening. Remove meat.

Melt 1 cup shortening in pot and add flour. Make your roux, stirring until dark brown.

Add bell pepper, celery, garlic,and onion. Sauté on low fire until onions are clear.

Stir in tomato sauce, Worcestershire Sauce, and paste continue to cook 3 minutes.

Add water gradually (2 cups at a time) until the consistency of gumbo.

Cook 30 minutes. Add meat. Cover. Cook 60 minutes until meat is tender.

Add onion tops and parsley, cover until served. Serve over rice.

~~~~Cajun Don's Way to Perfect White Rice~~~~

1. For every cup of rice, use 2 cups of chicken stock, or water.

2. Bring chicken stock or water to a boil
3. Pour in rice and stir to evenly distribute rice.

4. Cover pot with a tight fitting cover and reduce heat to low.

5. Simmer for 20 minutes (make sure you time it exactly).

6. Turn off heat, and let rice sit for another 20 minutes, before removing the cover (this lets the rice finish steaming).

7. Stir rice to fluff it, then it is ready to serve.

Have a great day. CajunPetCanCook.


bella_ 47F
4030 posts
5/17/2005 4:12 pm

I am not confrontational but I can please add one??

Men are like floortiles....if you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years,

ok...one more

Men are like snow storms...you never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they'll last.

I feel better now!


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
5/17/2005 4:24 pm

Q: What do a woman, a tornado and a hurricane have in common?

A: They all get the house!


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 4:44 pm

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 4:46 pm

Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.


expatbrit49 62M

5/17/2005 5:11 pm

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two..............IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?????!!!!???

How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while he's at it.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/17/2005 5:23 pm

ROFLMAO OMG PMSL, I can't help it ROFLMAO!

WyvernRose


rm_morefutility 37F
175 posts
5/17/2005 5:28 pm

Question: How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Answer: Three, one to hold the pan and two to shake the stove.

Question: How can you tell if a man is lying?
Answer: His lips are moving.

Question: How can you tell if a man is happy?
Answer: Who cares!


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
5/17/2005 5:30 pm

Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

What's the difference between men and beer?
When you're done with the beer it's still worth 5 cents

Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain.

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest.


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/17/2005 6:59 pm

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.


Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
5/17/2005 7:02 pm

ATattler scoop!!!! EXPATBRIT REVEALED For centuries my forebears have been on a quest to find the Viking bastards who pillaged and plundered the British Isles before we could. Any one who thinks that letting bygones be bygones has never been pillaging and plundering and knows how much fun it is. It sure bat the crap out of hunting haggis and making little Lochness Monters as far as my forebears where concerned and that is good enough for me.

In the recent Battle of Blogland a certain self described 'pacifist' threw off his mild mannered lab coat disguised and emerged as the "Shadow Warrior"! I would like to draw attention to the facts that support this discovery.

The Vikings love a good fight, = "Shadow Warrior"
Their homeland was Scandinavia = who lives among snow and ice!
Vikings travel by ship = Who regaled us with 'sailing' stories!
Who invaded the British Isles and ruined my forebears fun = ExpatBrits forbears.

While many of us sit in the civilised accoutrements of normality blogging the Shadow Warrior practises arcane rites before the altar of Odin, Loki and Thor before donning the bearskin coat of his origins and putting a colander on his head with BBQ forks jutting out coz he can't find his horned helmet. The British have always been a clever people disguising their origins with Science and comedy but we of the Highlands know that is just a facade.

I would like to say that the much sought after meeting between out two tribe is the meeting of good and evil that the balance of humanity hangs upon. But its not, fuck the vikings had Raganarok and while my mob don't wear horned helmets nothing gets us more turned on than a good coarse tartan and no underpants and having sone fool say we look like girls. Who needs to pick a fight when you wear a kilt, clever bastards we are. So there it is ExpatBrit is really Shadow Warrior the kin of Eric 'Cut your Nanna's head off and eat your Pooridge' the Travelling Viking.

I'm Tala the Terrible and would I lie to you !?

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,
PERVlander


Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
5/17/2005 7:06 pm

What do women look for when shopping for new clothes,? Something none of their friends have.

What is the most importand feature of any clothes that a woman buys?
Does my arse look big in this!

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,
PERVlander


scubasnack2005 58M/58F

5/17/2005 7:16 pm

Dear PigCanCook.
The Fat is in the Fire,
Bring on the Bacon.

--Ms Piggy


Barbiebunny69 43F

5/17/2005 7:54 pm

LOL@ the hurricane one...way to go Piggycancook


rm_LacyCuffs 49F
386 posts
5/17/2005 8:39 pm

Men are like.....Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.


missy97330 47F

5/18/2005 2:39 am

What's the difference between a virgin and a washing machine?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.


Barbiebunny69 43F

5/18/2005 3:17 am

ps..a real woman woulda looked at your with that milk comment and grabbed her tits and said..RIGHT HERE PIGGY!


BLONDENEEDSSEX 57F

5/18/2005 12:37 pm

what the matter Keith , issue the challenge then hide it hmmm I`m disappointed


PailsDiverHonks 55F

5/18/2005 1:27 pm

hmmmm is right blonde I just IMed my tech guy to look into this one.


lustmirror 63M
2897 posts
5/20/2005 7:36 am

what I always found interesting was the...."it's a clothes LIBRARY concept...." buy it, wear it, take it back.
Once a gal had me return a pair of earings...evidently a big no-no...Had me pretend that I didn't know her ears weren't pierced. Course, I did it, cause....well, shucks....cause she asked me too....but.....


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
5/20/2005 9:45 am

LOL lustmirror how about joining up with the pigster and his buddies? We could use a quick witted fellow like yourself...


rm_koocnachtiek 60M
376 posts
5/20/2005 9:47 am

Yeah lustmirror, join us.

Is this just another trick by keithcancook
to get his text on television?


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
5/21/2005 7:46 am

I am glad you have been entertained AL4L and I am gratified that even though you were speechless you found a way to let the author know you enjoyed it.


rm_EE407 41F
3903 posts
5/28/2005 12:14 am

Okay... who's been telling the men the secrets??? Please!!!!


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
5/28/2005 10:19 am

No one particular female has revealed these secrets to the pigster. He has learned them over a lifetime of observation.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .^ . . ^
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(
@ )
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .pigcancook


dano6332 56M

10/12/2005 11:16 am

I am sorry I missed the battle royale


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/13/2005 6:07 pm

It was a hoot that is for sure dano.


readytolay_3
(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)
105F

7/25/2006 1:04 pm

Why are all dumb Blond jokes one liner's..??..
So men can remember them...

I really just stopped by to leave a quick light hearted comment but couldn't resist...Blog On...Ready

Ready


sexymermaid6956 63F
26393 posts
9/15/2007 3:58 pm

the hounds have been unleashed Keith...hide enjoying greeneyes respondes you tell him girl...lol

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


readytolay_3
(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)
105F

9/15/2007 4:33 pm

    Quoting readytolay_3:
    Why are all dumb Blond jokes one liner's..??..
    So men can remember them...

    I really just stopped by to leave a quick light hearted comment but couldn't resist...Blog On...Ready
When the hell did I leave this comment...Readys most confused..!!

But TAG, YOUR IT..!!

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (you're it) You can't tag the person who tagged you.

Ready


readytolay_3
(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)
105F

9/15/2007 4:39 pm

WTF happened to Ready_11..??...I'm missing how the fuck that happen..Oh yeah that's right I'm on A_F_F the cluster fuck of web sites ..!!

Ready


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
9/16/2007 1:13 pm

has three pairs of really cute shoes bought for this summer and has never worn them, too pretty to spoil


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
9/17/2007 4:08 am

    Quoting PailsDiverHonks:
    Shopping is a device used by females for many purposes. They imagine it makes them feel better when they are down. They use it as an excuse to leave the kids with you. Then gawd knows where they really go. Often women will go shopping for the sole purpose of revenging themselves upon their men by frivolously spending his cash.

    Naw we say we are going shopping, actually we are meeting someone we met online
i have to agree i go shopping often for the same reason,


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


_Truman_ 105M

9/20/2007 12:52 pm

Looks like you've stirred up the ladies, Keith! I'm outta here!


rm_SexyBBW382 51F
2224 posts
10/19/2007 10:23 am

Very good lol......................Lori


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/19/2007 10:58 am

Thanks, Lori! It's nice to see you in The Venting Blog again!

blog on!


Tinkerbelle01 61F
12 posts
10/21/2007 11:22 pm

Tink only has one pair of slippers and one dress. She doesn't go shopping, there's no stores in Never Neverland. She doesn't have any kids, but has to put up with those pesty lost boys all the time. Tink doesn't talk so she has no use for a phone, and if she could talk she's say "Get your own !@#$%^&* milk and food!"
Yep Tink might be fickle, but if you had to put up having only one outfit to wear and pair of shoes, no stores, a guy that flies around wearing green tights and a bunch of pesty lost boys, you'd be fickle too!

Tink doesn't cry, she get's even!
So let the war begin
LOL!


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/21/2007 11:51 pm

LMAO! Good one Tink!

Thanks for following my link. You are a good sport, sweetie!

blog on!


redmustang91 57M  
8599 posts
10/23/2007 1:45 pm

Shopping is retail therapy! It costs less than the psychotherapy kind. Men engage in it too: sports cars, boats, planes, etc.


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/23/2007 3:15 pm

Granted, it is like therapy for both genders, redmustang.



TheOracleofFire 97F

10/24/2007 2:48 am

digging in the basement and it never seems to amaze me what I find in dark corners.

I found this in an alcove:

Genghis Khan: Man’s greatest good fortune is to chase and defeat his enemy, seize all his possessions, leave his married women weeping and wailing, ride his gelding and use the bodies of his women as nightshirts, while gazing upon and kissing their rosy breasts, and sucking their lips which are as sweet as the berries.

My fav in this basement: Women are okay cooks in general. I get exasperated with them sometimes though. Especially when they call you to dinner. You put down your beer and go to the table. They bring ya your food and sit down to join you. I'm like, "Hey! Where's my milk? " Then you have to wait while they get back up to get it. Jeesh.
- pigcancook

You are suck a gent pigman to wait.

L'Oracle de L"Amour


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/24/2007 6:28 am

Hey! What do you want to call me such a gentle-pig for? As a female, you are supposed to get all upset over this post!

I did like the Genghis Khan bit. He was ruthless, but when he did get a hold of Ruth, he sure knew what to do with her.

Also, you are becoming quite the deep blog diver these days, aren't you?

blog on, my friend! blog on!


TheOracleofFire 97F

10/24/2007 10:34 pm

Nothing worth reading these days outside of my books so I when I am bored with the daily blah blah blah I dive in deep.

Learned it from the master keithcancookpig

L'Oracle de L'Amour


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/24/2007 11:05 pm

Ah L'Ooie, it seems like it was only yesterday that I told you that this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship...


TheOracleofFire 97F

10/26/2007 12:57 am

    Quoting keithcancook:
    Ah L'Ooie, it seems like it was only yesterday that I told you that this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

And its off again... see you in the antechambers of your very own phantasmagoria.

L'Oracle de L'Amour


oralcall4U2 97F

3/26/2008 10:36 pm

I do believe I have been here before.... deja vu.

OralCall4U2

Requiem
[blog Brit_Bints] Who are they?


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
3/27/2008 4:41 am

I know just what you mean, L'Ooie. Often when I find myself in a deep basement post I wonder "what was I thinking to write something like that"?

Thanks for diving in here, as it brought me down to one of my favorite posts in The Venting Blog. I did three pig posts, and they're all great.

blog on!



giggle_spurts 50F

6/2/2011 6:15 pm

These are funny hunny.


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
6/2/2011 7:14 pm

Thanks giggle. Unfortunately all the bloggers who have deleted profiles have disappeared from my basement.


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
9/26/2015 8:59 am

    Quoting CarbonRoadBike:
    Ha, ha, this is great. I like the one about the dress....never know the correct answer to the question "Which one do you like better" If you answer "the red one" she says "Not the blue one?" If you then say "the blue one is nice, too." Then she replies "So, you don't like the red one?" If you say "Well, they both look great." Then she says "but which do you like better?" ....starts all over lol
pigcancook is one savvy swine, isn't he?

Thanks for following this old link, CRB!

blog on!


mature_951 55F  
2907 posts
9/26/2015 11:48 am

uh, I hate shoes, shopping, and cooking.... may not be a real female

"The souls remain nameless because their lack of action has left them unworthy of mention."


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
9/26/2015 12:23 pm

    Quoting mature_951:
    uh, I hate shoes, shopping, and cooking.... may not be a real female
Aw. You seem like a good female to me. I've been to yer blog...

Besides they're only stereotypes I used to ignite a battle of the sexes in my blog. I needed the attention to get my blog noticed. It worked.

blog on!


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