The Wagon Of Love Breaks Under The Baggage Of Life  

keepitrealnasty 53M
8 posts
6/6/2006 9:58 am

Last Read:
6/8/2006 8:14 am

The Wagon Of Love Breaks Under The Baggage Of Life

Today I find myself thinking about marital passion, and exactly what it is that changes in a relationship, causing all that early, hot, wet, messy, dirty sex to become little more than a distant memory?

My view of my wife really hasn't changed - I still see her as every bit as sexy, alluring and desirable as I did when we were first dating (and I tell her so, daily), but it doesn't seem that things are the same for her. I also take the time to be tender and not just sexual, supportive, a good listener - in other words, I'm not just expecting her to open the pussy for business so that I can get my rocks off, no matter what kind of a day she's had or is having - I'm definitely doing my share of the supportive life partner stuff - and happily so. She, too, is supportive of me, in every way but one - sexually.

It all seemed to happen during her pregnancy with our child, and continued since then (our child is just over three years old at present), and I can't help but wonder if there is some kind of an ancient, biological force at work here - one that hormonally causes the woman's brain to "rewire" for lack of a better word, and go from the "catch a mate" mode to the "raise the offspring" mode? I still feel loved and appreciated as a man, but not as a sexual person. I feel like, sexually, I'm a stranger in my own house.

I don't think that being a good mommy and being a sexually connected partner are mutually exclusive, but from speaking with most of my married, male father friends, it certainly seems to be what we're all experiencing, and I think it is at least partly driving male infidelity. If I were getting my needs met at home, I wouldn't have TIME to even be writing this, right?

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
6/6/2006 11:11 am

i've never been married, nor have I had any kids. But... I sure hope this doesn't happen to me!!!!

TnWitchyWoman 56F
6852 posts
6/8/2006 7:47 am

I think several things could be coming into play...or lack of play. I had two daughters, nursed both of them too. At the end of the day I was "touched out". Then there's the lack of sleep so that when your head does hit that pillow you're GONE so sex is only an option if you're standing up. Also, have you ever noticed that kids have this incredible knack for interrupting the fun *right at the exact moment* that you don't want them to? And the worries that come along with parenthood added another distraction. I also went back on birth control, and it had such an adverse affect to my having sexual desires that I wondered why I was bothering to use something when I had no desire anyway. That's when I talked to the guys and decided we had to make some changes. I *am* a firm believer in the phrase "weak kneed men can't chase other women" and I wasn't doing my part...and I *wanted* to be doing my part for both of them. I went off birth control, had my tubes tied, they helped me more at the end of the day with the kids so that I had time to recover from "kid touch" before I went into "guy touch" mode. The best thing I can tell you is TALK to your partner if it's concerning you. Maybe you can come up with solutions together AND it'll make her feel desired...which is never a bad thing.

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