Kennywood Park and the ride of my life  

justmevfc 41F
21 posts
9/25/2005 4:30 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Kennywood Park and the ride of my life


So far my blogs (yes, all 3 of them..lol) have been cynical, critical, and hey...in my opinion, comical! This is not my normal personality! I am actually usually a happy person, love to smile and laugh. Hell, my parents used to call me "sunshine" because I brought a bright spot to the day with a smile or a giggle. So what has happened....

Like, Love, and Lust!! The detriment of my existence. In the last few weeks I have felt each of these in various forms (and unfortunately for more than one person), and I have taken yet another ride on the rollercoaster of life. I keep saying I will explain myself, but I hate the thought of hurting anyone!! But now I must, before the one I hurt is myself.....here goes....

Some knew me on here as a couple in my former life...the man that was the other half is a dear friend, that is really it. We have love for each other as friends, almost siblings (but that would make it incest, so let's say friends). We have not been "together" since April, nor will we be. We have both moved on and this is good for both of us.

So this is where the tricky part comes to play....the man I re-met in May....a local man, a man that I have known and lusted over for about 7 years...who was now single and lusting for ME!!! So we had some fun, he put me in the mental rollercoaster of despair/like/love/lust sometimes on a daily basis with his emotional issues, and physical desires. There would be days when he adored me, couldn't get enough, and then a week would pass where I wouldn't even see him. So my bipolar self developed....one day high, the next drowning. In the last few weeks this has gone from being the "Little Dipper" in the kiddie park, to the "Big Dipper" in the main park(Kennywood Park analogy in case you aren't from Pitt). So the highs have been a little higher, the lows a little lower, but I am still on the ride!!!

So some would say jump, but for anyone who has ever been on a rollercoaster.....how do you give up the high, even though you know around the bend is the biggest dip you have ever felt??? How do you jump when you know the good part is coming next???

And to add to my aching head and weaping heart....I met someone who I know would take me off the roller coaster and take me for a pleasant ride on the "Turnpike" (another Kennywood analogy). The worst part is until this morning I did not have the clarity to see this, and I may have already hurt him. It was not my intention....I just wanted to try a different ride....(no pun intended).

redmustang91 57M  
8599 posts
9/25/2005 6:10 am

It is easy to be glib about another's thrill ride; so many comedies are based on the pain of the victim. My suggestion is tell Big Dipper what you are going through and ask him for help. Do you want to be exclusive, and does he? Does the Turnpike guy want more or less thrills?

It is easy to be confused as most of us are, most of the time.

Forgive yourself and others. Enjoy and good luck.


BIGBEAT69 53M  
12 posts
9/25/2005 10:18 am

i think u should give up on all the dramaand take a ride on the thunderbolt. but watever disition u make im sure it will be the right one good luck.


rm_hornydude35 60M

9/25/2005 10:39 am

do what everyone does when they go to kennywood, ride them all. you may have a few "favorites" but don't get too attached to any, or you maybe stuck on the rollercoaster for ever.


thepseudohippie 49F

9/28/2005 4:39 am

A rollercoaster is scary and exciting. A car ride gets you somewhere and who knows what the drives are gonna be like?

In psychology, there are many theories regarding behavioral reinforcement. In one, the degree of strength of the reinforcement is based on two measures...the size of the payoff and the frequency of the payoff. When both vary, as in a rollercoaster-type relationship, the behavior is most strongly reinforced...you don't know when the payoff is going to come, or how big it is, so you keep playing. It's addicting. That's why we have Gambler's Anonymous. They actually CALL that kind of reinforcement "slot machine."

I like rollercoasters, they're fun. And I like long car drives...they're soothing and interesting and you never know what you're going to find along the way. I've been caught up in rollercoaster relationships before. No one is immune to that kind of thing. And I've taken car ride relationships, too. They usually last longer, and are more meaningful and deep, but they can be just as difficult...sometimes you get a flat, or have an accident, or get a ticket. My relationship now is a car ride, and I hope we never run out of gas. I feel fortunate.

But that's not the point here.

When you want someone for a long time and you have a chance to see what happens, you SHOULD try, most definitely.

But if you're riding one ride, why not wait until it's over before you try another? It's only going to make the confusion worse. You're more likely to miss out on the ride of your life if you try to ride two at once.


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