Who knew?!?!?!?  

jungandhorney 42F
98 posts
7/24/2005 3:26 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Who knew?!?!?!?

I have a flaw in my personality. A weakness, really. Believe me when I say that to admit to this scares the hell out of me.

Recently I was lacing up my boots because I was going to meet someone in a hotel whom I had met here. We had met before and the sex was sensational! I had never screamed like that before!! But there was a problem as I really did not want to go this time. I knew it ment really great sex and God knows, I was in need of it but it also ment sex with him. Although he he was very sexually talented, our personalities clashed big time! He loves George W., wants Condelisa Rice to run for President, thinks addiction is not a disease, and has voiced distaste for psychologists. He was only interested in my ability to get down on all fours. And I was consenting to this. I was putting myself in his hotel room and wearing my boots, a short skirt, and sexy undergarments to impress him. He wore his tidy whities. He was obviously not trying to impress me.

And that is when I had to ask the question: What the hell was I doing here?!?!?!?!?! I did not even like him!! I walked in the door and he didn't even to bother to ask me about my day, we went straight to sex. It then hit me that this is what I had said I wanted. I had asked for no-strings-attached casual sex and that is what I was getting. I told myself and others that it was enough to be engaged in the physical aspect of sexual intercourse. I lied.

And so, I am forced to admit my weakness, I really do need some sort of emotional attachment with the wonderful man that I am engaging in sexual practices with. I need something that involves actual genuine feelings about the other person. I want to enjoy the man as a person and as a lover.

There! I said it! I admit to that I want something more meaningful than casual sexual relationships. I embrace and accept my need for some deeper connection with another human being.

I joined AdultFriendFinder after a seven year dry spell because I was desperate to be touched. As a result, I have had some amazing sex, some not so amazing sex, have learned some new aspects to my sexuality, and I have become more confident as a sexual being. But now, I need something more. The series of casual sex relationships have left me with a sense of emptiness and isolation much like that which I felt when I entered my credit card information back in February. I am also left with a complex that I am not worth much more than a one night stand. And that is a crappy feeling. It sucks to feel that way. It stings the soul with a dangerous poison. Also, that song, Little Red Corvette by Prince, is hitting way too close to home.

I will not be ending my membership here as I enjoy the blogs, the groups, the flirtations, and the sharing of fantasies. However, my profile will change and if someone propositions me he will have to appeal to more than my hormones before we make a playdate. I can't help it. It is a weakness. Much like my weakness for chocolate. Especially when covering strawberries.

Be good. Or, at least, be legal,


kaspar1962 55M

7/24/2005 6:00 am

I know how you feel. It is very scary to realize that casual sex is not enough. I am like you in the reason I joined this site, had a dry period in my life and wanted to be with women sexually and I thought that is what i wanted. And I do, fo course, but sex with strangers even if they are steady "relationships" is kind of hallow. You want somebody to care whether you are alive or dead. It came to me when I understood that if I died on the weekend, no one would know until I did not show for work Monday.....But getting close to some one is the hard part, putting trust in them, etc. I have no answers. To understand more about me, please read my blog, The Ether Binge Blog. Start at the beginning, I have not been posting long...you are mentioned in it by the way.

PillsburyCodeBoy 60M

7/24/2005 4:13 pm

Sounds pretty normal to me. Sounds human to me. It certainly does not sound like a personality flaw or weakness. In fact, it sounds like the opposite: a sign of character and strength. And many here--perhaps more than you realize, certainly more than it seems a lot of the time--would agree.

Good luck to you, Jung, whatever you do.

Jerosd 47M

7/25/2005 2:23 am

Well...good luck girl...I am sure u can find something in this depraved hell hole...lol

keithcancook 60M
17846 posts
7/25/2005 6:44 am

This is a natural progression for many. We arrive here all hot, bothered and horny. Then after some unemotional sex we find that sex alone without feeling leaves much to be desired.

berrigal2 61F

7/25/2005 7:13 am

I know exactly where you are coming from!! I have thought the same lately. I have made amazing friends on here that have helped me come to know myself. I hope you find that special guy soon hon! I know he will be a lucky man.

rm_major259 50M
101 posts
7/25/2005 5:38 pm

Nothing wrong with how you are feeling. And its certainly not a weakness. You say you had emotionless sensational sex, but, how much better would it have been if you had had some kind of emotional attachment with it?

rm_titsandtires 51M/41F
3656 posts
7/25/2005 10:39 pm

look on the bright side. you've made this discovery now. the alternative would have been to find someone, get married, have 3.2 kids and a dog and then realize that you want to have a no-strings-attached *uck-buddy. sometimes these discoveries can be a bit of a rough ride for our psyche. yet they are the very building block of who we are. those building blocks called "experience". read also, no pain no gain.

Masseur_0 41M

7/30/2005 11:17 am

WOW, thank's for this post. I think you touched on something that many of us are feeling. But the hot anad horny side of HM can lead us to believe that all we want is no strings. I can agree w/ titsandtires, but unfortunately, I went and had the marriage and kids and then realized i wnted to give it up for a FB. But now I don;t want that, I want a relationship, juts not the same one I left. Nice post, and no, it's not a flaw, it's a human need for belonging and love....Best of Luck...Oh yea, and Fuk Bush !!

CaboWaboVHnut 56M
637 posts
7/30/2005 10:21 pm

Dear Lady! You have not discovered a weakness, but one of the many strengths we human beings have inside!!! Some of our best traits appear as flaws to us, until we've gained the wisdom that comes from experience!!! You have to learn to look at things from many angles, and different points of view. Peace!!! Cabo!!!!!!!

mi_mwpm 51M

8/1/2005 8:33 am

Congratulations on discovering your "weakness." As Keithcancook said, many of us have been down the same path and came to the same conclusion. Sex with someone you care for/about is much better than sex with someone you don't, period.

This_dude_onAFF 49M
77 posts
9/5/2005 9:59 pm

There is a dating site especially for people who don't like G.W. and Condoleezza. I don't think I'm allowed to post the address here. If you haven't found out yet (being that you live in Texas), leftists can have very strong sex drives.

Become a member to create a blog