Why do men do this?..  

julie4daddy34 45F
844 posts
4/3/2006 7:10 pm

Last Read:
4/6/2006 8:59 pm

Why do men do this?..

I've been chatting online a long time. I've met some wonderful, and some not so wonderful people over the years. Many that I met in the begining I'm still chatting with...and I couldnt imagine not being able to talk with them. But here is my dilemma:

You have the category of Friends, and then you have Friends with Benefits. Said FWB's..are supposed to be just that, a friend first and foremost with an added extra zing. Now..why is it that after a few times of seeing said FWB..they disappear for months on end, only to return and act as though nothing has happened? Then having the nerve to ask you "wanna get together and fuck?". Imagine the shock and attitude you get in return when the answer is NO.

It makes you wonder..are they coming back around because the newness of the latest FWB has worn off? Or are they just simply out of women to choose from?

Newsflash: I've never been..nor will I ever be..someone's on call whore. Dont come back to me after things are said and done acting like time hasnt lapsed and that I'm still your favorite lay. It doesnt work that way.

I've had this happen atleast 3 times in the past month, all 3 times my answer was an honest, upfront NO. I was even told I needed an attitude adjustment. LOL! Imagine that. *I* need an attitude adjustment because I didnt jump up and down at being propositioned. *rolling eyes*

Anyone else have this same dilemma, and if so how do you handle it?


two4playcpl28 57M/53F
3 posts
4/3/2006 7:47 pm

I think you handle it just as you did...if they don't like it, fuck 'em.

I can understand why time can lapse without communication -- people have hectic lives and the best ones usually have active interests outside of sex. Life happens.

But that doesn't mean you are waiting on the sidelines waiting for them. If they disappear for awhile, and lack the class to connect as friends and renew the friendship, the hell with them.

Stick to your guns. Besides, they probably said you need an attitude adjustment because they're pissed they can't enjoy you anymore. They probably enjoyed being with you far more than you need them...

Cheers,

M.


rm_ninthcloud99 47F

4/3/2006 8:01 pm

Yeah, I had that happen, we hung out a few times, talked on the phone and emailed now and then, but the guy just showed up at my door after about six weeks of nothing. I shut the door in his face without a word.

I'm with you, what a fucking nerve! They seem to think that we are just HONORED or that we don't notice that they haven't been in touch for a long while. I think it's them. Not us. I don't even see any point in explaining it to them, they'll never get it. Just shut the door, put down the phone, or delete the email. They're not worth more aggravation than that.


rm_anythnggoz2 51M
2 posts
4/3/2006 8:03 pm

you apparently had the answer to your own question , all along....
seems to me that often times people use the term "friend" to freely, fwb usually ends up being friends while getting benefits, until something else pops up
i guess we all have to work a little harder on our friendships... and understand that we hurt people by misleading them , calling them friend...


tamethytension 54M
2320 posts
4/3/2006 8:04 pm

Whatever labels you wish to use, bottomline you need to DEFINE them and communicate that definition ahead of time. By that, I mean in the discourse leading up to meeting not once you have met. You have a particular philosophy/outlook and need to express it completely. Nor does the communication stop once the relationship takes on a physical nature.

Here is what I have had to say regarding "No strings" which is a philosophy that may or may not apply to FWB (they are not one and the same thing). See Strings and the lack thereof ... and the attendant thoughtful comments left by fellow bloggers.

cheers

TTT


Catharsis33 44M

4/3/2006 8:27 pm

Commitment drives most men away. If they feel that it is becoming more than FWB then they tuck tale and head for the hills. Sorry it just happens. Not to exclude women of course. I have lost a couple of fem friends due to them disapearing and then seeing them in a bar and they want to be best friends. Well if they are busy looking for the other fish in the sea then I would tell you the same. Discard the ones that are not true friends and keep close the ones that are.


rm_hungrynord2 58M

4/3/2006 8:33 pm

Three different guys in one month? And you claim you're not "someone's on call whore?" If it was only one man I could understand but three? It's your life and you can have as many men as you please but don't complain when they treat you this way.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:05 am

    Quoting rm_hungrynord2:
    Three different guys in one month? And you claim you're not "someone's on call whore?" If it was only one man I could understand but three? It's your life and you can have as many men as you please but don't complain when they treat you this way.
You apparently didnt read the post correctly. I had 3 guys from my PAST to contact me in a one month period. I did NOT state that I had sex with 3 guys in one month. Open your mouth and insert foot, you should know what your talking about before opening your fucking mouth.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:08 am

    Quoting two4playcpl28:
    I think you handle it just as you did...if they don't like it, fuck 'em.

    I can understand why time can lapse without communication -- people have hectic lives and the best ones usually have active interests outside of sex. Life happens.

    But that doesn't mean you are waiting on the sidelines waiting for them. If they disappear for awhile, and lack the class to connect as friends and renew the friendship, the hell with them.

    Stick to your guns. Besides, they probably said you need an attitude adjustment because they're pissed they can't enjoy you anymore. They probably enjoyed being with you far more than you need them...

    Cheers,

    M.
I too understand that life happens, and I'm not blaming anyone for having a life outside of sex. Its the coming back around like no time lapsed and having the nerve to ask for sex. Your right, I'm NOT gonna sit on the sidelines and wait. Thank you for your post and for visiting my blog.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:11 am

    Quoting ShayeDK:
    It's kind of the nature of the beast when it comes to FWB and all that no strings attached stuff.
    Men take it as an open door invitation to come and go as they please whenever they please without having to be accountable for the time they come up missing inbetween.

    Personaly, it's not my gig and so I don't pursue those kind of relationships much.
    Only you can decide what works best for you and then stick to those kind of relationships. But when it comes to the FWB and the no strings attached, men will always view it as the kind of arrangement that they don't have to adhere to any kind of commitment.
    I call this kind of guy the Free Falling Man- they fly by the seat of their pants and land in whatever bed catches their eye at the time.
You said this so much better than I did! Thank you for your posting.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:12 am

    Quoting rm_ninthcloud99:
    Yeah, I had that happen, we hung out a few times, talked on the phone and emailed now and then, but the guy just showed up at my door after about six weeks of nothing. I shut the door in his face without a word.

    I'm with you, what a fucking nerve! They seem to think that we are just HONORED or that we don't notice that they haven't been in touch for a long while. I think it's them. Not us. I don't even see any point in explaining it to them, they'll never get it. Just shut the door, put down the phone, or delete the email. They're not worth more aggravation than that.
You go girl! Glad to know I'm not alone on this particular subject.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:15 am

    Quoting rm_anythnggoz2:
    you apparently had the answer to your own question , all along....
    seems to me that often times people use the term "friend" to freely, fwb usually ends up being friends while getting benefits, until something else pops up
    i guess we all have to work a little harder on our friendships... and understand that we hurt people by misleading them , calling them friend...
I agree that people use the term friend far too freely. My grandmother had a plate on her wall that said something I'll never forget:

False friends are like autumn leaves,
Found everywhere.
True friends are like diamonds,
Precious, but rare.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:17 am

    Quoting tamethytension:
    Whatever labels you wish to use, bottomline you need to DEFINE them and communicate that definition ahead of time. By that, I mean in the discourse leading up to meeting not once you have met. You have a particular philosophy/outlook and need to express it completely. Nor does the communication stop once the relationship takes on a physical nature.

    Here is what I have had to say regarding "No strings" which is a philosophy that may or may not apply to FWB (they are not one and the same thing). See Strings and the lack thereof ... and the attendant thoughtful comments left by fellow bloggers.

    cheers

    TTT
Your right..in the future I will definitly define things in a better manner in the future. I will check out the post. Thank you.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:20 am

    Quoting rm_tnredrose:
    Having dealt with this a bit I think that men prefer the term "fuck buddy". And the word fuck comes first so to them that is the important part. Us agreeing to it to means we meet the buddy part. And let's not forget the line "well you did it before so why not now?" Where most women are concerned we prefer the term "friend with benefits". Basicly we enjoy the friendship part and added mutual enjoyment of each other is a major plus. I agree with you on saying no I have. Men need to understand that it takes input for a friendship of any kind.
    Kisses

Your far too right. It does take input for a friendship of any kind, and I agree about the 'fuck buddy' terminology. As I said to tamythytension, in the future I'll better define my intentions.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 4:22 am

    Quoting Catharsis33:
    Commitment drives most men away. If they feel that it is becoming more than FWB then they tuck tale and head for the hills. Sorry it just happens. Not to exclude women of course. I have lost a couple of fem friends due to them disapearing and then seeing them in a bar and they want to be best friends. Well if they are busy looking for the other fish in the sea then I would tell you the same. Discard the ones that are not true friends and keep close the ones that are.
The only commitment I seek is that of something ongoing. I've never been the type to fuck a stranger or want a 1 night stand. I didnt mean to imply that its only men that do this, as I'm sure women have done it as well. Thank you for pointing that out.


rm_joshnyadeep 65M
100 posts
4/4/2006 8:09 am

ON THE LITE SIDE OF THE FUN! WHAT HAVEN`T I CALLED YOU! LOL!THAT WILL TAKE YOU A WHILE TO FIGURE OUT!
HUGS~
DON AT A IDLE


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/4/2006 9:45 am

Don- YOU darlin..are the ONLY exception! LOL!


rm_hungrynord2 58M

4/4/2006 2:46 pm

I understood what you said and I stand by what I meant.


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
4/5/2006 8:22 am

    Quoting rm_hungrynord2:
    I understood what you said and I stand by what I meant.
It really doesnt matter to me one way or another if you understood or not. While anyone is free to voice their opinion in my blog good or bad..the negative doesnt mean jack shit to me. Feel free to refrain from commenting in the future. Thanks.


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