Some ones personal training diary  

joopdog3_isatwat 31F
1 posts
7/12/2006 10:55 am

Last Read:
7/12/2006 11:00 am

Some ones personal training diary

Dear Diary, For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football
team 25 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give
it a try. Called the club and made my reservation with a personal
trainer named Belinda(not me by the way), who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed
pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to
keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting
for me. She was something of a Greek goddess-with blonde hair, dancing
eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! Belinda gave me a tour
and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the
treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed
it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed
watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after
my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my
sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the
whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy ironbar into the
air, and then she put weights on it for fuck sake! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it
all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the
toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I
believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I
didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams
bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early
in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is
VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda
put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine
to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me
it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't
help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I
ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as
>punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever
hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda
wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you
don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the fucking Barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off
and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have
been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her
grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just
hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However,
I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching
eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next
year, my wife (the bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun-like a
root canal or a vasectomy.

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