|Blogs > jesustongue > The trials of Jesustongue|
I'm bored today so I am going to explain the origin of my username. I am not so arrogant as to name myself that.
It all started right after I broke up with my high school "sweetheart". Though one could hardly call her that towards the end. Anyway, I have quite an obsession with pleasuring women in the way I do best and I finally acquired a date that wasn't an ogre. Not that that stopped me before. So I went to my favorite literary styled bar and met with my fellow English majors. They wouldn't shut up about Bukowski so I found myself giving more and more of my attention to a cute little blond that someone had brought along.
After many dollar yuenglings I managed to discover that this girl found me very attractive due to my tattoo and my slight resemblance to Johnny Depp. (It's the eyebrows). So we decided to exit the conversation, now centered on neo-discordianism, and left to go back to my place. First of course we hit a liquor store and picked up a half gallon of cheap vodka.
When we got back to my place some mixed drinks soon had us fooling around on my vinyl couch. Now I already knew that I was good at oral due to the fact that the most common phrase I hear when I'm finishing is "I want you to cum inside me". Anyway, I did that a couple of times on the couch, because I fucking love it and why the hell not. When I discovered that she was actually a 22 year old virgin. Oh my fucking god.
I would love to tell you that I took it from her, I still haven't had the chance to do that, but things worked out pretty well anyway. See, she hadn't had sex, but had had several people do what I was doing. When we went upstairs it happened again and I really got into it. She just closed her eyes and tried to keep from bucking like a mechanical bull. When I finished she looked at me with that look of complete peace with the world that I love giving to women; AND ASKED IF I HAD WORN A CONDOM. She was astounded to find that the feeling I had given her was just my hand and mouth. Thus was I dubbed Jesustongue, a term not unfitting, I should think.