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Painful distrust. Praying for God to lift the weight from my shoulders. Why can't he see the pain that he causes me? Why does it appear that he doesn't feel? How can I feel so loved one minute, and so betrayed the next? How do you trust in someone that wrings your heart like a dirty sock? How can you see clear to true love if it's clouded by fear and emptiness? The time is marked in seconds, milli-seconds even. Who controls the clock that washes away our life? If God exists, would he injure a heart so badly that it may never love again? Would he blur the vision of the eyes that seek truth? How can someone stab you with the knife of lies and stand there watching while you writh in pain, then claim that they love you unconditionally? Where does the lack of conviction come from in a voice when the accusations fly haphazzardly; when the words that have been spewn are said to be truth? If time could wash away all the pain in my heart, then why is it still there? Why do I seek the soul that pulls me close just to mame me?
Is love not something that one embraces and takes as their own? A feeling that is to be light and painless? Is it not unconditional and unrelenting, even in times of great sorrow? Can love not remove all pains that have existed in the past and make them seem like a distant memory? Can love not allow giving to feel effortless and yet fill your heart with meaning and life? Physical touch.... is that love? Or is it something much deeper than that? Can we survive on dreams alone? Should we die with an empty heart, just as we have lived? Does a love that is real have meaning or is it all just spoken words?
Distrust. What a bitter world to know and understand that word. Interferance is not something found in love, is it? The bee loves the flower and the flower loves the sun. The sun loves the world, so is it not right to share love with everyone? Then again, are we meant to love one another like a teardrop loves the sea? Wholly and completely? Without question or want? To give and never recieve but to have it all washed away and move on to the next? Or is it truely possible, in asking this question I wonder if it is so, to love another as we love ourselves. Engrossed in a life, as our soul is to our body. Needing nothing more than each other? How wrong can that be? Is that divine love only? To think of divine love I see God in his castle in the sky loving everyone equally. Even the sun can't do that. The sun is interferred with by trees and clouds, choosing only a few to love for the moment. Is love but a moment in a short life? Do we know it only once and never see it? Do we know it many times and think it to be true? Do we wish to see it and yet have no clue what it is? So many questions! Divine answers would be fabulous, but it seems that God has taken a vacation at the moment. So, as I watch the bee kiss the flower and the sun also kiss the flower, tell me what real love is. As the tears I cry stream into one another causing a river to flow on my cheeks, tell me what love really is. As I feel my soul slipping away as I watch you leave and my heart aches into my throat, tell me what love really is....because I think I lost it...and I'm not sure because I dont know what it is!