kiss my thread  

jenniferfreak 35F
128 posts
6/12/2006 12:49 pm

Last Read:
6/12/2006 6:26 pm

kiss my thread

Finally, the kids are asleep, my homework is finished, and now it's time to type pieces of my life out.
Ok, so some men creep me out,as do some women. I find myself wanting to withdraw from everything; to sit back and redirect my thoughts to something more motivating- more passionate.
I miss painting, I miss photography- the ability to show a picture from my view- no one Else's.

The commercial photography doesn't chime the same way. You flush out shadows to bring a flat image of people forward. I hate flat. I miss the shadows and hues that shape picture- it's almost like your ripping the personality out of it, slapping a price tag on it. I though the job would help me escape once again- to get back to that place I hold dear- a place only I know and the only way anyone else could view it is through my brush strokes and camera lens.
Perhaps I'm faded. There's always that worry in the back of my head that I would never reach that place again- that all is lost as I drift into the main sea. Like everyone else.
I never knew loneliness until I cross over to reality.Then there, it sat, waiting for me-calling me like a beckon in-the night sky. In a sea of many faces, they still find me, question me, looking for answers I don't know. I don't know why, or how- I just do- I find that place and I want to stay were needs are met, and my heart is whole but that's not enough. They need answers control, and hate. People feast on evil, it makes for great conversations at the water whole. They want you to be ugly, they want you to be stupid, they want you to lack everything that they do but if you don't they'll paint it for you so others can stare and pass judgment on something they don't understand. Why not embrace? Why not float outside of the harbor and learn to enjoy self expression and gaze at a whole new planet that awaits you? Fear driving them back- acceptance carries them forward. Just because your accepted doesn't mean your liked, admired, or even loved- so why risk self for a chance to be but another face in-the nameless sea? I'll never understand and they'll never, either.
If one seed calls out the wind to the west, the majority will follow. I'll just sit here, gather myself into a small place I'll call home, and wait. Wait what? I don't know. But there's a soul other that feels this- understands this- and hopefully can express this as much as I hope- to reach me on this level- even if it's a lonely one at times... I didn't know loneliness until I meet them- I don't know who I'm looking for, or if the search is for me but I do know whatever it is, it's not here. (I actually talk like this.)


drnick20054 28M

6/12/2006 5:09 pm

yeah magizines and stuff dont have the same feel as the real pictures i take or any of my friends take


STCMOguy4fun 36M

6/13/2006 4:48 pm

HOw are classes going by the way?

Hope you are doing well.

Talk at you laters.

J


out_for_a_ride 35M

6/19/2006 1:07 am

you are so very close. you must believe that you are the sole creator of your experience, that you carry within the ability to draw to you exactly what you want through thought. for everything starts as a tiny notion, an inkling of an idea, and the more attention paid to any thought provides more of the same unto it, until you have attracted so much of your attention to it that it most certainly affects your experiences. if the thoughts are negative, so are the experiences. if the thoughts are positive, so are the experiences. look into all that you know of the world, and you will see that those who speak most of illness have it. that those who speak most of misfortune have it. that those who speak most of prosperity have it. that those who speak most of fulfillment find it. for words are the extension of thought, words can not teach, but thoughts and ideas do. you carry all the knowledge you'll ever need to find what it is you want, and you will find by placing the right focus in thought, you will attract more of the same unto you. and you will prepave a path toward your goals and desires where action is needed less frequently, and is far easier to take when necessary. focus not on the negativity that exists, for you only pay attention to it as a way to understand what you don't want to express. your internal guide is not showing you these traits in the world to keep your focus on the negativity, but to steer you away toward the opposing qualities that you want to portray to the world. so what are you waiting for? a reason to look away from the negativity you know exists. it currently preoccupies your thoughts and consumes you more than it should. that should be reason enough.

and be aware that even in a shift of focus, you will still experience a backlash, so to speak, of all negativity you've set forth prior to said shift. do not let it suck you back in. stay strong in your positive convictions, you will get where you want to go.


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