Breathless beganings( emotional)  

jenniferfreak 36F
128 posts
5/18/2006 2:19 pm

Last Read:
5/24/2006 6:00 pm

Breathless beganings( emotional)

-back on track-
It's been four years since she passed, I'll never forget her nor her face as she drifted from this world. A tiny girl of 24 years, her young husband sat at her bedside day in and day out. The Tenn. Native came from a vary small town, where she was loved by many. Pretty, smart, kind with long flowing black hair and the biggest blue eyes anyone has ever seen. Through her troubles she helped me forget about my own. (How could such an angel be ripped from her mother's arms so young? )
I remember the last true conversation we had. " I'm afraid of dying. I'm not ready to yet. It scares me to leave this world...I'll miss my mom,dad,brothers, and husband."
A few hours later the doctor's broke the news," Your too sick for the heart transplant- I'm sorry." Without the heart, she was sure to die. The reason she was on my floor for several months was to wait for that heart- that heart that would prolong her short life and allow her the chance to live once again. For years she struggled- four long years. All the suffering was for nothing in the end. When night fell two days after the terminal news pierced her ears, she started having trouble breathing- her oxygen kept falling- she was suffocating. She left my floor and went to a CCU where they shoved tubs and needles into her tiny body.
Not being Catholic myself, I did know the purpose of Jesus and holly spirit. I left for work a few hours early so I could beg the Cathedral Basilica to bless the rose-ary I bought for her with what little cash I had. By the time I got to the hospital- it was too late. She passed away 3 mins before I arrived- no good by- no rose-ary.
I'll never forget her.
For the first time I cried during my work. For the first time I could see all of those who I watched leave this world right in front of me. I didn't cry for them- I understood my job, but now, I cry. I remember almost all of their faces, smiles, and expressions when they left the world. So,on this day, I morn.
When one of the nurses passed from cancer last year, she was 34, I stopped writing poems- Till this day my words don't chime the way they use to. My words' purposes have been of no depth and emotion- not like I use to. May they all rest in peace
with great love, my friends.

blondietickler 43F
295 posts
5/18/2006 3:03 pm

that was beautiful. it is hard to think of them, this i know. i work with hospice patients. when they get past that armor you have built up, it hurts a lot. sorry for your pain. big hugs.

jenniferfreak 36F

5/18/2006 4:31 pm

thank you. It takes speical people to do your job- hat's off because what you do is truely a wonderful cause. To support people and help keep them at peace is something wonderful. I worked on a high risk cards. floor-

Ranman914u 61M
1 post
5/18/2006 4:58 pm

oh sugar'
that was a story ta bear I'm a grown man and that broke me up ,Irode side by side with many good brothers in a bike club over 10 years and buried all to many even in same 10 years lost my real only 2 brothers by same mother and father and miss them so I try not to think of this to muchbut yet tearing me up as I type wanted to say ya touched my heart as so deep and realize still have bear.
I wish you well god bless

lovinghands4 51M
65 posts
5/18/2006 7:28 pm

I once knew a nurce that work in Barns in St Louis she also work in cancer ward we use to talk on the phone a lot she live in St Clair I meet her on lava live may she was you. I also know how you fill I also had 2 close friends that die from lou.

jenniferfreak 36F

5/18/2006 7:40 pm

I'm sorry for you losses-God bless

out_for_a_ride 35M

5/18/2006 10:54 pm

i'm more sorry that you lost your passion for writing poems. artists provide the inspiration in life that some may not see otherwise. more importantly i'll use this juncture to tie back into your reply to one of my previous comments about your faith in the "circle of life". death is part of that circle, even from my stand point where i've come to realize that the timing of death is optional it's still inevitable. but only in the physical world. energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms. that's what life and death is all about, the change in our entity's form. there's so much to tie into this that i wouldn't dare try to fit it in on your comment space. however, know that your friend never day out of the blue my grandpa was unable to care for himself anymore. had to have nurses bathe him, feed him, shit and piss for him because it was like those basic functions were no longer under his control. so anyway, for the longest time i kept trying to swing by walter reed hospital and see him but everytime i got there the nurses had his curtains drawn and were doing one thing or the other for him. well the last night i swung by they said i could come back first thing in the morning and see him, well first thing in the morning and literally as soon as i passed the phone by the stairs on my way out the door, it rang, i answered, my mom was informing me he'd passed. it was a very sad moment for the family and a lot of us could not shake the feeling of remorse for being unable to see him that one last time. well the strangest thing happened (in my familys eyes, because i wasn't surprised). that weekend we all got together at my uncles house in va. and spent the time discussing him and sharing stories and all of a sudden it was like my uncle was possessed. he jumps up and starts dancing and then turns to my mom and in my grandpas voice says "you were right" and my uncle snaps out of it and asks what just happened because he knew another entity had just used him as a channel. basically he and my mom over his last few months had been talking about death and she is very spiritual and believes in "life after death" and he didn't. so they made the agreement that if there were, he would find a way to let her know. and so there it was. right before my familys eyes. and right after, a sunny winter day became a snowy winter day...i'm telling you, if you can feel the energy of the world, you should pick up that're always in a position to put it down if for whatever reason you don't like it (though my suspicion is you will love it)...and try it

jenniferfreak 36F

5/19/2006 7:47 am

Thanks everyone

rm_MrSmith7171 45M

5/20/2006 8:48 pm

I remember when I used to work on a volunteer ambulance service in a small town in Maine. I could handle the blood and brains but I could not handle the grief of families and friends..... I could not handle what you and Blondie do...not just losing patients but witnessing a family's grief....trying to comfort them (because your job is to comfort the living as well as the dying)....I learned that I was not cut out for it...

Your posts are very thoughtful.....I keep coming back for some reason... take care.

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