|Blogs > janmecir > .......the cat can wait.......|
A week slips by....and not keeping this blog current....I'm not dedicated enough..... too immersed in my Other Life....(the life i walk about with).....
Been reading an interview in one of the Sunday papers with the lead singer of Franz Ferdinand where he claims that the only time he feels himself is when he's performing or having sex. "You get good when you go from thinking about what you're doing to just doing it.....you get over self-consciousness... it's completely primal, intuitive, instinctive. You don't consider your moves you just do them"
Sex for me has often felt like a 'performance' but not in the primal, all-consuming fuck-rut sense this guy means. I can't really get into animalistic body-banging....the think-me always wants to be included in some way, doesn't want to be left out as a kind of ignorant by-stander. The think-me wants to take part in all the feelings being felt, all the lickings, suckings, squirtings and cummings (I'm starting to do that porno spell 'cum' now)......doesn't want to be relegated to the status of observer....the think-me wants to be right where your cunt is....right where my lips are on your neck....right there where your mouth captures my cock.
Mindless fucks never seem to have much of a shelf life; the sell-by-date on them expires more or less as soon as the fuck has been consumed.
But Mind-fucks, the fuck-with-mind, the mind-in-you fucked by/with/from/to the mind-in-me....just go on and on.....those kind of fucks start long before sex has even begun.... and carry on continuing after sex has long been done....
Fucks that start with thought......and continued by thinking...rarely seem to end....erotic fantasy just seems infinite with longing, limitless with possibility.......
And i welcome self-consciousness. Not as embarrassment. I want it as revelation. I want my self-consciousness to be in you. I want you to be conscious, very conscious, of me as a 'Self', as my 'Self'. I want to be revealed in you....in ways that, hitherto, may not have been known to me..... I want my self-consciousness to be yours.
Don't get me wrong. I want fucks to be a fucking blast. I want fucks to rip me to the raw. I want fucks to rush me out of existence (ordinary, this) into your ('other') existence. I want fucks that are like a performance where I'm not only feeling like me, but more than me. And it's you that gives me the 'more-than' i can't give to myself.
But i get better value out of fucks that don't deny or discard thinking; otherwise sex just becomes repetetive, mechanical, physical exercise, aerobyics.
To fuck with you I have to think-with-you. Lets lay our fucking-thinking down, right next to one another, right here where we are, me next to you.
I want to think my fuck into you.
And we can start right now.....
Just some arbitary thoughts... on a wet October night in England.....
10/20/2005 1:38 am
Hi A---e (still not sure whether to use your full name or not)|
I'm good at hitting nails right on the head (apparently, so I've been told, lead to believe)....maybe ocassionally i drive the nail in to hard.....you can hear my loud hammering everywhere....!!
I like your distinction between 'sensual' and 'tactile'....I'd never thought of it like that (see, I learn things from you too!) To be sensual is to use All the senses, all 5 (or is it 6?) of them....whereas being tactile could mean merely fingers (rubbed) on skin....
A 'flashlight's beam' and the 'moon'? The short and long of it perhaps? The near and the far? The microcosm v the macrocosm? The artificial v the real? Is the flashlight the searching short-lived act of (male) penetration?....Whereas the moon.....well, all those ripe associations with female fertility come to mind.... The focused fuck-light v the celestial fertile void....
Something like that. Or nothing like that !!
When you give me images....my mind starts to run......skywards...
10/26/2005 4:47 am
Yes it does go gutterwards too (you'll be pleased to know!)