promises  

jamaicatopyute 32M
0 posts
11/17/2005 6:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

promises


At an early age I learned what a promise was. My dad thought what it was its funny when I look back at it all I was promised that he would change and that he would send for to come and live in states wow how grand how cool such bull such bullshit such lies . Hey come on you haven’t been send me a red cent since was born and I am suppose but all that . At time and moment I learned about plan B my plan B was he never existed and I ain’t going to no god damn US either . So I did just that I went to school under tremendous pressure my mom died when I was 7 god rest her as I recall the only promise was made to me from her was I always asked her that I wanted to go to the zoo she would always say week man I was a sucker hey but she was mom I loved her she all I ever had I was her baby .But I think that was the time she was very ill her leg was amputated I think she died a few months after its all a blur though . But one thing I know my life would be so different if she was I would tell to every sole on the face of the earth that’s one truth I hold dear . But when your 7 and people are forced to look after you its not going to be a pleasant ride the only source of love in my home died and it was the only thing that would hold us together . I grew my brothers despite what a wreck I was mentally I managed to get some subjects not the best grades so what fuck you alit of people did squat !!!!!!! I could have been shipped to St. Ann at comm c doing my third year but hey I just left I never wanted to be so far away from everyone I hated them really one thing I know you could have been founder for the cure for AIDS that does not make you saint and that was my older brother who I took so much of his life away just sending me to school stuff life keeping from getting their masters early blah blah . I think he wanted me to go teachers college too I hated him then I didn’t want to become my natural born stubbornness took over . I had manipulated my brother into sending money for to do a course at the school called infoserv damn that was dumb when I was I finally knew about certification ect and that im wasting my time where so I dropped out people was pissed I burned that bridge hey I saved him some money . So now the job search begins I couldn’t find anything a think after almost a year I knew what was wrong I was from a bad community and no one would hire from there sad but very true so I used a frirnds address in Kingston after that I landed my first on the job trainee job in Kingston I was in the technical support unit I learnt a lot from there during this time I started my CCNA I wasn’t doing so well because of pressure from home I like to help people but I couldn’t help my family and most of them are not working and I couldn’t deal with hands stretching out at me and when refused to or try to I was cursed how mean I am that I don’t have chick nor child ect. I was Fed the fuck up I moved they though I was joking I showed them I wasn’t I have made it six month I eventually got a temporary contract that ended a few weeks ago and now I am with out work and it triggered these events im out of time promises have become futile what do now I don’t know but one thing I just never felt killing myself more than ever . I know it sounds weak but have any suggestions ???? I am a open book

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