The mind fuck, part II  

itsallfun1957 59M
881 posts
7/20/2006 8:54 pm

Last Read:
7/21/2006 7:16 pm

The mind fuck, part II

In my past entries I've alluded to a special woman who I considered as a soul mate, a kindred spirit, someone who I thought I share something special with. She's non-judgmental, sensual, comfortable with her own sexuality, and beautiful. The problem is that she's married and a colleague.

Jumping back to Christmas 2005 there were about ten or so posts on the futility of relationships with married individuals. I did not believe them and my keen alcoholic mind said, I'll be different, this will not happen to me, we're in love, and many other thoughts of denial. Why do I think I have control when the dynamics of a relationship when it is with a married individual is doomed for failure from the get go.

I have this person so far in my head, I'm in hell. This is not some pleasant mind fuck but a brutal skull fuck. This is driving me nuts. I'm doubting my decision making on all levels. My confidence is shot. I'm a fucking mess.

I have come up with three solutions or at least plans of clawing up to some reasonable level normalcy. Remember that she is a colleague, a friend, collaborator, and an important member to my unit's function.

1. Cut all ties.

2. Learn to live again slowly.

3. Wait it out, maybe she'll finally see the light and say I'm her true love.

Truthfully, # 1 is pure finality and poses problems that will effect/affect more than the two of us. For that continual trip of insanity # 3 is a poor choice as well. So, back to basics, learn to live, relish that some feelings and emotions that I haven't experience in years are not dead or forgotten. Progress and learning are not instantaneous, but a slow and steady forward movement. All comments are welcome.>>>itsallfun1957

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