Wonder and Lamentation  

intierzha 43M
311 posts
6/14/2006 12:39 am

Last Read:
12/12/2006 11:17 pm

Wonder and Lamentation


It has been a long couple of nights since I last posted for all the difference it would make I think, but I write anyways, wondering as I always do. Truly, I think things through far too much and it has always been this way, even when I was younger. At least when I was younger, I had the excess of energy of youth to distract me from my thoughts. Now, as I have slowed down more than a little bit, my thoughts take far more precedent. In many ways this is great, for I am more readily able to consider academic pursuits and have gotten better at processing information; however, for the last couple of years or so, my mind refuses to shut down. I am thinking even when I do not think I am thinking, if that makes any sense. Basically, even when I sleep, I rarely enter a deep sleep and am constantly in REM sleep, constantly in a waking dream, and sometimes my life feels like it is that same waking dream. And for those who have read deeper into my blog and other entries, you likely have read about me mentioning this before, either backhandedly through story or poem, or more directly. The point is basically this, I consider far too much than I need.

So I wonder, trying to get this out of my system, writing simply to write because it allows me to slow down a little, instead of lying awake pondering the ponderable or dreaming the inevitable. I wonder if I am too aristocratic toward others, for if any true aristocracy is left, it is of the mind. I wonder if I am hypocritical in that regard if I feel that we are all of equal heart and soul. Is it right for me to judge based on intellect? I admit, I can be arrogant about what I know, sometimes to good effect, sometimes not. (When I was much younger, mostly to bad effect) I would rather help others learn and grow as opposed to lording over them with knowledge. Is it the same as lording over them with wealth? Just wealth of a different sort? It is my duty to teach others what I know... moreso, it is what I was meant to do in this life. Still, I can be a bit more aristocratic than egalatarian, and hence my conundrum. I think most days, especially these days, I have controlled that side of me, but I admit it can be hard. Yet, in the end, I want to help other achieve their potential in what I can teach them.

I suppose it is a pity I have to ask the questions I am asking, or that we have to ask questions of race, gender, creed, orientation and intellect. But we are creatures of ego and a social programming we cannot escape. We try and encourage equality amongst all people of this world, at least that is one of the stated goals of the United Nations. However, many religions encourage and practice an inequity that damages the mission of the United Nations, and for that matter in the United States that same inequity has been, and in many places, is still rampant. One need only read about the controversy over same-sex marriage or 'The DaVinci Code' to see it. For a country that is supposed keep church and state separate, we have never done a good job of it. And yes, same-sex marriage is a church issue. We would not have the problem if it was not condemned by every nut that interprets the Bible literally. Just as an aside, I am against marriage generally. It is an outdated practice that was used mostly for the inheritance and control of property. A contrivance unnecessary for this time. Anyway, inequity still exists in a world that could easily be egalatarian if we could simply set aside ego. Alas, I am as guilty and materialistic as the next... selfish, really. Worse, I understand a great many of the problems in this world, but I do not act. Or at least I have not acted yet. So, when I start teaching, will that ease the burden of my shame? Will I still pity the fact that these questions must be asked? I used to be a person of ideas and ideals. I often wonder where he has gone and lament at his passing, but in the quiet hours before dawn, I hope we meet again.

C.

BaronessK 52F

6/14/2006 6:45 am

You USED to be a person of ideas and ideals? Not knowing you from this before, I can't definitively say you're deluded BUT...I can say you seem to me to be deluded when you are currently thinking that you have no ideas nor ideals.

We all pity the questions that we wish no one ever had to ask at any time to any one. {Also -- slow it down before you burn it out.}


intierzha 43M

6/14/2006 12:33 pm

    Quoting BaronessK:
    You USED to be a person of ideas and ideals? Not knowing you from this before, I can't definitively say you're deluded BUT...I can say you seem to me to be deluded when you are currently thinking that you have no ideas nor ideals.

    We all pity the questions that we wish no one ever had to ask at any time to any one. {Also -- slow it down before you burn it out.}
Campared to the perhaps over idealistic person I was yes. And for a time, I think I became, have become too pragmatic it seems. I appreciate the encouragement, though.

As far as burning out goes, this is slowed down for me. The energy I used to have, lol.

C.


BaronessK 52F

6/14/2006 10:04 pm

Baroness having 'dirty' thoughts about your comments...not that it takes much, really, to get me re-revved!


intierzha 43M

6/14/2006 10:35 pm

Thanks Admittedly, I have more energy than in the past couple of years, but divorce and strange hospital stays (and possible alien abductions, lol) will do that to ya.

C.


BaronessK 52F

6/15/2006 4:05 am

Well, it could have been some of my relatives, I suppose...case of mistaken identity and all that, since they were supposed to have come back for me....

*All your base are belong to us!*


intierzha 43M

6/15/2006 1:40 pm

Ohhh.. nothing like Engrish. My fave is a Hamtoro product (little Japanese Anime Hamsters), and it was an innocent looking Carousel that the cute little Hamsters rode in. We got it accidentally, and were rather amused it was caused Cock Horse Fairy Land. Worse, the warnings were even more horrific. 'Do not be giving to under the 3 or it will cause the smothering.' Needless to say, everytime I see a Hamtoro product, I have a nice laugh.

C.


BaronessK 52F

6/16/2006 2:20 am

I KNEW you were a true 'geek'...one of the very, very, very few that would have gotten that quote! GAWD, ya 11011011011 me, babe!


intierzha replies on 6/16/2006 11:52 am:
Well, I probably fit the definition of nerd more, lol, especially when it comes to history and geography. Some friends were having me look at some 18th century map fragments the other day (reproduced for some gaming thing) and were trying to figure out the locations. Within about 5 minutes, I had given them the locations down to the river and/or bays that were marked. However, I've seen plenty of maps from that time since one of my favorite books is 'The Atlas of North American Exploration', which reproduces many, many maps from the time and gives a modern map as well for reference.

See, all kinds of nerd stuff in there

C.

BaronessK 52F

6/18/2006 1:45 am

I'm a...hmmmm...'weirdly' amusing over=sexed geekess...I think. I could be wrong; last time I checked I was from Gallifrey or somewhere 'out there'. Time before that I was a figment of my imagination....


intierzha replies on 6/20/2006 1:49 am:
I am definitely a figment of people's imagination, particularly mine Or I could be in a holodeck simulation gone awry.

C.

BaronessK 52F

6/28/2006 2:50 pm

Holmes or Professor? {One of the few that I saw from STTNG.}


intierzha replies on 6/28/2006 6:14 pm:
The one with Moriarty taking over the ship.

C.

BaronessK 52F

6/30/2006 2:51 pm

He was in 2 like that, though, wasn't he? Or did he just take over the ship on the second one? I really enjoyed that one -- and any of them with Q in them!


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