Dreams of Insomnia  

intierzha 43M
311 posts
3/16/2006 11:58 pm

Last Read:
1/3/2007 7:28 pm

Dreams of Insomnia


I guess I will switch gears and be a little personal as opposed to offending everyone's religious sensibilities or something to that effect (though considering the number of visitors I get, it's not too much in the way of offending, lol).

I suffer to some extent from insomnia, but I can usually fight it off and get some sleep. There have been times when I would go through stretches of 1 or 2 hour nights, but mostly it is 5 to 6 hours. Now that seems like a lot of sleep except for one problem, I am rarely resting well, and not because of sleep apnea or anything like that. I only get about 1 hour or so of good sleep thanks to the enormous amount of time I spend in a dream state, especially in the morning. Sometimes it is ok, other times harder to deal with. Unfortunately, most of my dreams aren't all that pleasant, but that is a story for another time, if at all. The thing is, because of past experience, I have some killer dreams. Sometimes they feel lucid, as if I have control, other times as if I am simply an observer. People I know appear, but usually peripherally. Strangely, it is people I know the least, or have not seen in years that I interact with the most, if at all. A lot of times I drift through emptiness and dust, a barren landscape of monochromatic images with splashes of color. Strange, because my life is quite colorful and I can be quite the visual person (along with being a little wordy, lol).

As far as remembering, somedays I remember most of them, often times none of them, but usually one or two will affect me, and sometimes it messes with me throughout the day (especially a rash of them a couple of years ago), making me feel if the day itself is just a lucid dream. Right, so I am stuck in the Matrix, or some Holodeck experiment gone awry. I am not sure if that is so bad or so good. I still have my illusion of free will if it is some goofy experiment, but I would like to think my life is still my own. It did not seem to be the case in the past, so perhaps I have progressed some.

Oddly, now... in the early morning hours I feel the most alive. I truly wish I had the extra time at night. I think it is because I answer to no one at this time of the night/morning and dread the annoyances of the upcoming day. A lot of people do well in the day. I guess it depends on my mood, but most of the time... no. In the day, I feel like I am in the waking dream. Of course, we all do what we must, so I now must try to sleep and face another waking dream.

Btw, I have not tried sleep aids, but I won't go down that road. I would rather be like this, then live medicated.

Take care all and sleep well,
C.

intierzha 43M

3/17/2006 11:28 am

I shall try... I'll be able to catch up some this weekend

C.


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