Have you ever......  

interestedparty8 44F
11 posts
3/18/2005 6:34 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Have you ever......

Have you ever met someone that you just clicked with sexually? Have you every been appreciated for the right things? Have you ever just wanted to know some things but were unable to figure it out???

Yeah, ok, I know the last is weird but I say yes to the 1st two. The 3rd - well, I always figure things out but always too late. *shakes head*

In my lifetime, I have experienced a lot of pain. From my mother passing on to my last serious relationship.

My mother passing on really left a void in me. I was young and needed her and I felt abandoned. I have since accepted her death and sense her around me. I know she is holding me in the worst times, playing with my hair and telling me that things are going to be alright.

My last serious relationship sent me for a spin in the spin-cycle. I was soooo in-love with this man - we seemed right for each other. We made each other happy it seems but then something went wrong. The worst thing imaginable. He cheated on me and I found the pictures from one of his meets with HER.

I introduced them on a night when several of us went out for my birthday. All 3 of us ended up in bed that night. 'Nuff said there.

He and I became serious not long after, talking marriage and me moving in with him. Then, right around his birthday, things became strange. I am real sensitive to others and things going on around everyone. I felt pain inside - the abandonment issue again. I cried in his arms one night, asking him to never leave me. Three days later I discovered the pictures. He was SO cold in the confrontation and that hurt even more. I got all my things from his house, which was enough to fill my SUV, and went home that night & cried. I stayed in bed for a few days and no one could console me.

We talked a few weeks later and he told me that he was in-love with both she and I. He wasnt sure if he had made the right decision to be with her but there was no going back to what we had. A few more weeks go by and they were engaged. They married after the 1st of the year. This all happened in a month and a half. *hears jaws hitting the floor*

The pain from that is real also. But I have learned to deal with it. I have dated some since they got married, one guy was the worst possible person I could have picked! Thought he was nice but he is real insecure. He jumped to conclusions and tried to make me feel bad for HIS miscommunication.

Funny thing that I realized since I became single again - the ex and I would have ended up breaking up sometime before the wedding date. He never accepted the fact that I have tattoos and have dogs. He lied to his parents about me because he was ashamed of me. Because of this, I would have ended up hating him. Sad, isnt it? Good thing that I only hate that he did what he did but it was almost too late. If we had stopped before it got too deep, neither of us would feel pain or for him, guilt.

Now, I have girls that I work with trying to fix me up with their teachers LOL I also am talking to someone and every time we see each other it is real hot sex. Nevertheless, I am happier than I have been in a while.

Will things be ok in the future? yes they will be. I am optimistic that the man I want to spend the rest of my life with is out there. Where? I dont know. But he has to be proud of me and not ashamed. He has to be honest and warm...I dont want someone who can be a cheater. I want more out of life than I have now, espcially sleep LOL

Now, to go battle the insomnia and other various things that have kept me up most of the night....

interestedparty8 44F

3/18/2005 11:02 am

Thanks mzhuny yeah I figure when I meet HIM it will be all over with!

Buck - HAHA - apparently he doesnt love 'em as much as I do

uncutlover7 53M

3/18/2005 12:50 pm

I know the feeling of no one to console you, I was SOOOO in love with this lady I met on line, and we got married, two years, eve of our anverisy, she comes home with her boyfriend told me it was over, she didn't love me, and didn't want to have sex anymore, but wanted to stay here till her collage, course was finished! (*what balls). to say I was hurt, like a frieght train hitting a mountian. everything getts better in time.

Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
3/18/2005 7:02 pm

I am glad you got that off your chest. Now you feel better don't forget to smell the roses whenever you can.

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,


3/21/2005 8:38 pm

I understand how you feel I wasnt real young when I lost my mom but she was a big part of my life the one I would go to and talk to when things got bad and then right after she passed I went through a Divorce that was like another loss to me in one year there have been lots of up and downs but things will get better for both of us

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